Saturday, April 6, 2013

Wallnuts After Dark – James Bond

27

Ay Jabrone!!  I can’t believe it’s been over five deuces since the first Jimmy Bond flick hit the picture shows.

I’ll never forget the first time I saw Jimmy B in action.  That “Dr No” picture that all the jabroulis were goin’ on about.

I was giggin’ backstage support at the Latin Quarter in Times Square when one a the house band, a guy by the name a Sammy Bidner, comes up to me and he says, “Wallnuts?” he says, “Ya gotta come over to the Paramount and see this friggin’ movie!  Theys got a secret agent and a blonde dame wearin’ the smallest bathin’ suit I ever seen!”

And by working backstage support, I mean I made sure the showgirls were accessible to the high-end gamblers that frequented the underground gambling rooms upstairs and collected the kickbacks the club paid to the Gambinos.

Anyways, I ducked out a the Steve and Edie warm-up for Frank’s gig and sat there mesmerized by the blonde Swedish chick with them big knockers in the skimpy suit with a knife in a thigh holster.

The movie was so good I missed Sinatra’s whole set. Madon!

When I tole ole’ Frank about it he had the projectionist run the whole flick for him at 3am after a gig one night.

That Sean Connery was our favorite. Until then we mostly thought Brits were Finnochs and never bought the tough guy image they portrayed in them war films. But Connery changed all a that. He was the real deal. Later on we got to know him and he hung out wit us.

When they was makin that “Diamonds or Forever” flick, they filmed some a the scenes in Vegas and Frank and Dean and the rest a the Pack were always on the set. Frank was pushin’ to play the part a one a the gangsters who tries to rough up Bond, but the producers said no. So instead Frank banged Jill St.John so silly she missed two days a shootin’. So did me and Dean. Silly, I says.

Connery loved the guys so much Frank got him to go on a hit with a couple of Giancana’s goons and he helped them dig the hole in the desert where the buried the skell. He wore his Tux an everything.

That was Connery’s last Bond picture and then it was that Richard Moore character who was a lot more like the Finnochy Brits that we had come to make fun of and disrespect. He had a good run though and then they hired the next guy who was a total pansy and almost ruined the character.

These new Bonds ain’t worth tree clams. Tree clams, I says. And this new Bond guy is ugly like that dog that Budweiser used to use in its commercials. Not my cup of Sambuca, if you catch my drift.

# posted by Vin Douchal
2:26 pm April, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/81357051/%5D

I got chunks of Roger Moore in my stool.

2:45 pm April, 6 DarkSock said...

OctoPussyGalore

3:21 pm April, 6 creature said...

this guy is known around the pool as “Brownfinger”

3:28 pm April, 6 Charles Douchewin said...

Douchey Wallnuts, these are excellent reads.

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My weekend’s been Bond-esque, too:

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Especially from ~1:35 on.

5:37 pm April, 6 DoucheyWallnuts said...

For the record, I don’t use the term “Ay Jabrone,” nor do I know what it means. Nor, I says.

9:58 pm April, 6 Vin Douchal said...

Diamonds are Forever, eh? You forgot to mention Plenty O’Toole. Plenty O’Toole , I says

10:11 pm April, 6 The Dude said...

I am so “Is it still Saturday Night?” about this pic, except for the two hotts and all the naughtyness they convey.

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Thanks for another engaging tale, DW!!

2:21 am April, 7 DarkSock said...

“Walther Pee-Pee K…License to pee…or be peed in. Take him away.”

4:07 am April, 7 Douchble Helix said...

Great story, DW. Maybe you or The Rev got some advice for a virgin?

————-

I got popped a couple weeks ago. 9 flowering plants in the basement, 50 more plants waiting to become beautiful young women. Olive oil infused via the crock pot.

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The indictment calls it 2,300 grams of HASH OIL (3 quarts), so I gotta get those 11 years mandatory charges tossed.

6:20 am April, 7 Douchble Helix said...

ps I just read The Baron’s limerick from earlier this week. Awesome!

7:05 am April, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I ain’t got no virgin advice but I know people who get people places to avoid heat. IYKWISAITYD. Son.

8:02 am April, 7 Douchble Helix said...

Thanks for that info, Rev. I’m staying put.

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I’ll have to spring for the cost, but I’ll get a forensic chemist to analyze the oil, then explain to the court that an edible, green tinted liquid that is 99.99% olive oil is not roofing-asphalt-ish hash oil.

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Ohio weighs weed to determine how serious my crime against society is. My 9 flowering plants were 4 just over two weeks old, and 5 just over 3 weeks old. The clones and vegs can’t add up to much.

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Sadly, I’m considered guilty of these absurd charges until prove innocent.

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Maybe I shouldn’t have spoken out at all those city hall meetings, and written those letters ad blogs online, saying what a shitty job our mayor and council are doing?

9:43 am April, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Them are some young plants, Son. The lawyer that Lenny and I have on retainer (we have never been charged but I can’t have my name in the paper now that I am a pillar of business community in my home town, Son) has advised us that the clones and veg get thrown out of evidence. The slim amount of THC in the flowering plants may get you a misdemeanor for personal use..and shit…as long as there is no intent to distribute proveable by the DA. And in a progressive state like the mighty Commonwealth Of Ohio, I assume our legal systems based on tort and common law to be similar. And by similar I don’t mean Columbus…and shit.

10:34 am April, 7 Douchble Helix said...

Yep, on all counts, sir!

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They found a scale (so, “trafificing”), but almost no harvest.

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They were sold a bill of goods to get the warrant, and they’re scrambling to keep from looking like the fools they are.

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But… the shit is on the indictment. It’s on me, at my expense, to get that shit off of the indictment.

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Hence, guilty until proven innocent.

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But once that’s done, IT’S PAYBACK TIME, BABY!!!

3:39 pm April, 7 DarkSock said...

Stall ’em until it gets legalized. I reckon the kind herb is next in line behind th’ Finnoch’s gettin’ hitched.

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Hitched, I says.

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Dammit, DW has everyone on this site talkin’ like a Rat Packer.

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Packer, I says.

7:00 pm April, 7 The Dude said...

‘Sock’s got a good pint – er, point. Hey, even the sun shines in a dog’s ass sometime after he’s pee’d in it! LOL

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