Saturday, April 20, 2013

Wallnuts After Dark – What's all This Yackety-Yak About Gun Control?

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One time I was at a party Bert Convy was trowin’ at his place in Pacific Palisades an I was hangin’ wit Baron Mikel Scicluna, Jim Backus, Ann B. Davis, Rip Taylor, Lee Merriweather, Jim Neigbors an the chick who did the voice of Jane Jetson who was a real doll face, amongst others.

Ann B was packin’ heat, which a lotta dames did back then, believe it or not. So in the middle a this gig she pulls out her piece, a big friggin’ .357 Magnum, an starts braggin’ about how good a shot she was an that there weren’t no guy who could shoot as good as she could.

Now in another group a Hollywood types, this Adrienne Barbeau dame hears Ann B carryin’ on an whips out her .45 caliber pocket cannon an starts chimin’ in that the chicks are better shots than any a the guys. This Barbeau was a young chippy at the time an she had a set a knockers on her that she loved to show off that woulda made the Pope hisself take a second look. Na mean?

So we got this hot babe packin’ a heater, which off-sets Ann B who was kinda a homely broad, and they set off to the backyard to have a shootin’ contest, all the while callin’ out the guys sayin’ they’s chickens for not steppin’ up to take the challenge.

Barbeau proceeds to shoot a round into the air, at which time Backus pissed his pants and then went to the bar for another Old Fashioned.

So anyways, in walks this guy who was on that TV show about the family band and played the guy who was the manager of the band that had the mom in it – played by Shirley Jones who was a real doll – and had those other kids in it. Reuben Kinkaid was his name in the show. The only reason I remember that is he’d go by that in real life cuz it helped him get laid.

He says he can shoot better than the broads, and he has all kinds a trick shots that they can’t do. So he shoots a couple a shots between his legs an over his shoulder and knocks some cans off of a fence and nobody quite gives a Fucc until he pulls out his schwantz, threads it through the trigger and proceeds to shoot a bottle of Chivas off a the head of Alan Hale, Jr. usin’ his hard-on to pull the friggin’ trigger. Who ever heard of a Trigger Hard-On! Madon!

The place goes nuts an Barbeau puts her .45 between her knockers and somehow squeezes those puppies together so’s she can fire off a shot that knocks off one a Ruben Kinkade’s blazer buttons, which made ole Ruben evacuate his bowels into his BVDs. Fin-less Brown Trout, I says.

By this point Ann B was all worked up and starts yellin’ to everyone that’s she’s got ’em all beat. So Ann B hikes up her dress, drops her trau and when she turns to face the crowd we see she’s got her .357 hangin’ out a her Quim, Gabiles and everything.

Then out a nowhere’s the blonde broad who played the non-monster family member on that show about the family that was all monsters like Frankenstein and Dracula or whatever the Fucc they was, starts trowin’ shot glasses inta the air an ole Ann B firin’ out a her Snapper knocks all 6 of ’em out a the air in the blink of an eye. Mama Mia! Talk about gun control!

# posted by Vin Douchal
1:16 pm April, 20 Douche Wayne said...

Happy 4.20!

1:20 pm April, 20 doucherotome' said...

In light of recent events, I suspect the chick on the left gets inspected for IEDs at security checkpoints.

I’d be looking for zippers on those dufflebags.

1:39 pm April, 20 hermit said...

If the fascists want my pressure cooker, they’ll have to pry it from my cold, dead oven mitts.

1:43 pm April, 20 Doucherotome said...

Um, best check those dufflebags on the left for IEDs.

2:17 pm April, 20 DouchYouWannaDance said...

Bowler hat.

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Bowling balls.

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I haven’t been bowling in a long time. Did someone make up new rules?

3:28 pm April, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m very happy I was stoned to read this. A weekend alone with the girls while Mrs. Kroeger is at Mt. Tremblant with her high school friends pulling a “Hot Tub Time Machine” bridal whatever the fuck they call it, was due for a laugh.

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420. Sons.

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I’ma gonna go get yuppie stoned. Cause if there’s anything better than coke to keep up with the little kids, I wanna know.

4:05 pm April, 20 Douchble Helix said...

Excellence all around!!

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Where the Hell is the rest of that perso who’s ass is on that gal’s chest?

4:06 pm April, 20 Douchble Helix said...

I’m watching one of them rerun channels.

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When, exactly, do you think Batman jumped the shark?

7:36 pm April, 20 Ted Brogan said...

Those bags look fun.

9:59 pm April, 20 creature said...

is that what Kim Kardashian looks like with her head coming Out of her ass?

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armo’s

4:29 pm April, 21 The Dude (remote loc) said...

Those are funbags you can bring home to mom. They wouldn’t fit in my mom’s house – we’d have to leave them out in the front yard. I’d revisit my childhood playing dodgeballs with funbag girl.

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DW, another delightful read, thanks!

7:52 pm April, 21 Mr. ScrotatoHead said...

Miliseconds later Clint was hurled across the bar and into the ellaborate Gray Goose display as Kaytlin’s recently installed airbags went off.

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Clint had to pay the bar $8,000 for the Goose. He did not learn his lesson and two weeks later bumped into Kaytlin while going through the prime rib line at the Chuck-a-Rama buffet on a crowed Friday night. The impact of the explosion sent him flying onto the table of a family of very large, and easily angered Polynesians. None of them noticed and within a matter of minutes the meat was picked clean from Clint’s bones.

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Nobody in the restaurant noticed as they were all transfixed by Kaytlin as she untwisted her clitoris to allow the bags to deflate, asking those close to her if they wouldn’t mind squeezing her boobs to help get the air out faster.

7:56 pm April, 21 Mr. ScrotatoHead said...

When the plastic surgeon says he can in fact give you tits the size of a Hippo’s ass, but to do that he’ll have to sew your nipples on the inside of your thighs, you should just say no.

2:21 am April, 22 Douchble Helix said...

Sure they *look* big, but you can tell that her bra is pushing them titties up.

5:44 am April, 22 Capt Canuck said...

^ good one!

7:08 pm April, 23 Elwood BluezBag said...

What – Barbara Eden couldn’t make the party?

6:59 am April, 24 Jason said...

The busty brunette is Wendy Fiore, a pin-up model. She also goes by the name Wendy Combattente.

http://www.wendyfiore.com/

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