Saturday, April 27, 2013

Wallnuts After Dark: What's With All A The Boner Pill Commercials?

photo (2)You know, I know guys sometimes have problems gettin’ enough led in the ole pencil, if you catch my drift. And I think it’s great that these pill companies coulda come up with some medicines that help the unfortunates among us get it up so we can make our lady friends happy.

But do we really need all a the boner pill commercials? I can’t watch a friggin’ ball game wit out seein’ a ton a commercials with the guy and the girl sittin’ in the separate bath tubs holdin’ hands and the guy talkin’ about ED.

Back in the day when Frank drank too much to get it up he had this home remedy where he’d take a hot towel soaked in Sambuca and tie it all up around his S n’ B Combo – that’s for “Schwanz and Balls” – like it was a Braciole! Then ole’ Frank slapped at it with a leather belt until his schwang sprang into action. Usually after about 10-minutes a slappin’ he was rarin’ to go.

I do admit that the guys woulda loved the Cialis. Not cause they had trouble sportin’ the man salute, but they woulda loved to see how long they could go. Believe you me, they wouldn’t be callin’ no doctor if they was lucky enough to score a 4-hour stiffie, and I ain’t talkin’ about no scotch and soda; they’d be callin’ every broad they knew!

Plus they was always wit these crazy dames who went all night, like Mitzi Gaynor and Angie Dickenson, so why wouldn’t they wanna keep up and go “O for O?”

I can almost hear Frank yellin’, “Hey DW get me a couple a them pills! I wanna all night hahd-on that looks like one a my Uncle Nunz’s Soppresate! (pronounced, “super-sod”)” By the way, Frank never pronounced the “r” in hard-on. It was always, “hahd-on.”

Now I myself have had occasion to enjoy what these pills can do for my love life. Mrs. Wallnuts loves a good 36-hour romp, so once in a while we scare up a couple a bottles of some good bubbly and go at it like all sorts of hammer and tongs until we passes out. She even brings along her best friend Connie every now and then. Three’s company. Na mean?

So I ain’t got nothin’ against them pills, I just don’t need to hear about ’em every two seconds when I’m watchin’ sports.

# posted by Vin Douchal
12:26 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

Hotties are my boner pills. ‘nother great read DW, thanks!

1:49 pm April, 27 creature said...

…’nother thing, they shoot all those Viagra spots through a blue filter, cuz the mo fukkahs make you see blue, like your livin in some goddamn David Lynch movie orgy…minus the dwarves, ofcourse

2:28 pm April, 27 Douchble Helix said...

Great job!

4:27 pm April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

During the troubles, I used the Cialis to successful but not extraordinary boners. Lenny says the Viagara works better, and a combo keeps ya up for a long time with teenage hard standing straight up to your navel cock. Best cure for Flaccid Johnny is to get the fucking kids out my life for a day. Swimming, dancing, gymnastics, horseback riding. Fuck.

.

The more I see of these good Boston folks the more I think that the accent comes from the anal love child of Barbara Walters after she fucked a young Peter O’Toole.

4:29 pm April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Now I’m hungry for soppresatta, but can’t eat it cause of the cholesterol. Age sucks my friends.

5:02 pm April, 27 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I found the Viagra to give me a headache somethin’ awful, whilst the Cialis gives me quality wood that combats a half dozen Makers Marks wit none a the side effects. It also gives Mrs Wallnuts somethin’ to gnaw on for the weekend whilst I watch the Bond Marathon and other assorted sporting events. Gnaw on, I says.

.

The top a her head is a most familiar site to me whilst I’m on a The Cialis and bourbon bender. She has this headband that keeps her hair outta her face as well as assorted and sundry bodily fluids, that also serves as a handle to increase my enjoyment. Not that I’m the type to kiss and tell.

9:55 pm April, 27 Douchble Helix said...

Oh, BOOBIES!

9:11 am April, 28 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

I’d pasta her fagioles (pronounced FA-jews) until my speck coppa’d in her cotechino.

.

.

.Zampones

10:35 pm April, 28 The Dude said...

Does porn count as sports?

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