Friday, May 17, 2013

Friday Thoughts and Links

VegArmstrongKillsALady

Ah, those wonderful halcyon days of hormone-enhanced hyper-cartoon love.

This luxurious scene of love bongo reminds me of an E.E. Cummings poem. Only instead of references to emotional catharsis and the problematic nature of the heart, there’s lots of ass ‘roids.

So it’s another week here at the HCwDB homestead. Your friend in good times and bad.

LA is strangely quiet these days.

I blame the seismic shift in technology from TV model to internet DIY aesthetics.

Where will we land when the cable companies become as obsolete as CD-Roms? A brave new world with douchebags of hipster mock.

But with hyper-link boobies.

Speaking of hyper-link boobies, here’s yer links:

If you’re as into reliving your early youth in the early 1980s as I am, this book might just be textual nirvana.

Douchebags Gone Asshole.

Where’s Waldouche: Literal Edition

“I Went to the Playboy Mansion and it was Pretty Depressing.” Another great essay from Vice, one of the best sites on the internets.

The Jews hate the Herpsters. Because we have good taste.

Actually, according to this poll, everyone hates the herpsters.

In the news: Missing Orange Woman.

I can’t tell if this is offensive or genius. I’m going with genius.

Nuff with that. Here’s your Pear:

Bracelet Pear

Soft. Spongey. Like sponge bread dipped in milk chewsuckle.

# posted by douchebag1
12:28 pm May, 17 Wheezer said...

Mmmmmm…..Bracelet Pear…..ehhhhhxcellent…..

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Hey, I read that “Mr. Burns” reference.

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Shelbyvillians….

12:49 pm May, 17 Vin Douchal said...

OKay DB1,

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You threatened us with KV photos unti we hunted you up some HCwDB photos. That was motivation enough for me.

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In the last week you’ve used a dozen of the photos I sent you. Including Pears two Fridays in a row.

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Please tell us what you want to get rid of Pumpinhead and Marmogedden forever. They suck. Hard

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Your pal,

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Cockkswain Vindemyer Vava Voom Jizzlode Douchalalabad

Hall of Mocker # 13

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P.S.- THIS and… THIS

12:50 pm May, 17 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Bracelet Pear looks great on my office screen. Unfortunately, my secretary was looking through the window. Fuck I hate working in an office. Fuck you hipsters. That “Hire a Retard to Go To Disney” deal is awesome

12:59 pm May, 17 Douchble Helix said...

Vin, you rock!

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OJ’s, you suck my shwanz.

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Playboy Mansion, the 70s want their intercom system back.

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Lawless rich fucks, FUCK YOU!!

1:06 pm May, 17 Doctor Magnifico! said...

Bracelet pear is one of the finest, if not the finest, pears I have seen for a long time.

1:07 pm May, 17 The Dude said...

Mary Pumpinhead – has a nice ring to it!

1:14 pm May, 17 creature said...

is peter pumpinhead’s dome extreme pinhead size or is it just small in contrast to his freakishly large frame…

looks like he could easily insert it into the spacious bunghole of MM’s wide beamed backside

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asshatters

1:28 pm May, 17 Shaft Junk said...

Most of us will never experience love, like the love in the picture above. For that is a love of balloon squeak proportions. (The fantastic term balloon squeak proportions was originally coined by Sir DarkSock Esq. sometime in the late thousands.)

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“Shaft Junk, you seem to have done it once again. Tell us your secret.”

Well Ryan Seacrest, its pretty simple. I’ll break it down so even a hayseed rube like you can understand. First you break the rules so you can learn which ones are important and then you play like your life depends on it.

3:30 pm May, 17 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Douchey Wallnuts

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I apologize for missing yesterday’s query.

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Q: Do Jew broads stop sucking cock after marriage.

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A: Not in my case. Mrs. Kroeger goes pretty hard on it to get my gouty cock all big and shit before she rides it. It’s been a while though since I came in her mouth cause I usually stick it up her Jewass to finish off and give her a good felch to leak slowly out and discolour the fine sheets she sleeps in. Cause i’m stuck in the man room sleeping with the old dog on the couch waiting for the old bitch to die. I’m expecting the dog to die one day as well..and shit.

3:31 pm May, 17 Charles Douchewin said...

To me, this is like a superb Rev. Chad post – set to music:

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4:17 pm May, 17 Shaft Junk said...

@Charles Douchewin, spot on. Yeeesh.

5:33 pm May, 17 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Chuck Douchwin

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Awesome clip of good times. May I also state that Toronto has the best mayor ever.

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http://news.nationalpost.com/2013/05/17/u-s-journalist-publishes-report-saying-he-saw-a-video-allegedly-showing-rob-ford-smoking-crack-cocaine/

5:55 pm May, 17 Douchble Helix said...

It was like 100 Revs in that video, eh?

6:30 pm May, 17 xoffender said...

i like the top pic, they look happy

8:30 pm May, 17 Shaft Junk said...

I can only imagine that being hugged by Peter would be similar to being dropped in the middle of the bouncy ball bin at Walmart.

6:54 am May, 18 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

So sweet. Now they can go off and make really stupid babies together.

Assuming Peter can even get it up.

7:45 am May, 18 Charles Douchewin said...

@ The Rev,

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Glad you dug that video. Also, could you please explain to a temporary Canadian such as myself (respect?) why Toronto’s Mayor’s hijinks are far more outrageous than those of say, the Mayor of Bayonne, NJ:

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http://www.nj.com/hudson/index.ssf/2012/07/incident_at_bayonne_mayors_hou.html

10:00 am May, 18 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The Playboy Mansion is a depressing place, but the story would have more legitimacy if it was written by a non-Finnoch. The whole place smells a Hef’s piss diapers and KY. Piss diapers, I says.

10:02 am May, 18 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Also, Rev, I’mst glad to hear you’re still getting The Head. It’s nice, even from Yente’s who prefer it in the coolie.

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The worst head I ever got was from this Muslim chick who just blew on it like it was a candle on a fuccen birthday cake. The only good thing is that upon completion they wear that scarf thing that is suitable to wipe off on.

2:01 pm May, 18 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Apparently old man Hef’s sexual escapades involve curfews, fist fulls of Viagra, coercion, stepping in dog poo, and mismatched furniture from the ’70s.

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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1342643/Hugh-Hefners-Playboy-mansion-like-squalid-prison-say-Playmates.html

2:14 pm May, 18 Jacques Doucheteau said...

And you can catch Legionnaire’s disease from the hot tub.

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/16/playboy-mansion-illness-h_0_n_850048.html

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