Monday, May 27, 2013

Happy and Pensive Memorial Day…

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Today is Memorial Day. And so we honor the fallen. As Charles Blow reminds us, Memorial Day was created by freed slaves in honor of those who died fighting for the Union.

Let us take a moment and remember those who fell in all wars. But especially those idiotic and unnecessary wars. Which are most of them. Honor their memory today as I will. By mocking the shit out of anyone who argues to start even more wars so they can feel better about their small peepee or lack of sex life in high school.

Enough. No more sending young kids to die so old people can avoid the existential crisis of their own mortality. No more fake old men waving a flag.

War is tragedy as performance art. Entertainment for the lizard brain. Gothic horror performed solely to create emotive catharsis in the masses that gather to witness the spectacle to purge their own demons, rage, and hatred. From Roman gladiators to the MMA, the need to witness the blood purge is primal, impossibly strong, and hardwired into our animal DNA. But it is also that most primitive and vile tie to the tribal affiliations of our primate history. Enlightenment comes not by indulging these basest of instincts, but by acknowledging them and rejecting them. Douchebags preen as muscled up and oiled simian primitives to attract a mate for the same reason old people cheer on the young as they march into slaughter under cover of a flag. For both, the need for the spectacle of the impossibility of youth on display is the same. But war is the distillation of how this paradox ends only in tragedy, destruction, and waste. It is only in purging this desire through recognition, awareness, and maturation that true catharsis awaits. Recent American history is shameful. We can, and must, do better.

# posted by douchebag1
12:02 pm May, 27 creature said...

well said & I hear you boss, but, without war we’re gonna need a good old fashion pandemic outbreak to thin the ranks…othrwise it’s Logan’s Run

na mean?

12:25 pm May, 27 killdoucher said...

adam kokesh is douche central!

1:22 pm May, 27 The Dude said...

Well stated, but I still want to make Mammarial Day Boob Jokes. You know, like Weekend Pear, with boobies instead.

1:50 pm May, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Very well written. Sounds like DB1 has turned into one of them commie-loving Jew media types with some of that fancy east coast liberal arts book-learning. Next he’ll move to L.A. to join the immoral hordes of liberal gun-hating Hollywood Californianian fame and money-chasing types, only to have his dreams interrupted by luck and timing and falling into a Night Train bender to soothe his ….Whoaaaa! I just freaked myself out there.

3:40 pm May, 27 Douchble Helix said...

I just posted a similar thought on facebook: Honoring the warriors appears to be honoring war.

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Anybody who starts a war is a douchebag.

3:58 pm May, 27 The Dude said...

Wars are douchie.

4:52 pm May, 27 creature said...

…some think it’s punk

.

6:16 pm May, 27 bustafudd said...

“Honor the Hero” is becoming a religous mantra in these here US of A’s. This repeating of the mantra is solidly obsuring the facts of going to war and the real costs of war – no, not monetary – though that is a cost. The true costs are loss of life, crippling injuries, and glorification of war itsself as a symbol of national pride. The last one is going to destry the US as a cohesive nation. “Those that choose not to study history are bound to repeat it.”

9:34 am May, 28 DarkSock said...

They should bring American Gladiator back.

/.

That shit was tight. Son.

10:52 am May, 28 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

True, wars are douchey. But I would contest that war readiness is not. Too many aggressive elected/dictator douchebags with stacks of cash, zealous followers, and visions of grandour perpetually oozing about on this blue marble for us to turn all our guns into ceiling fans and bullets into battery metal. Anyone who thinks China and Russia wouldn’t have gotten super aggressive in grabbing territory in the latter half of last century were it not for our missile stock piles is fooling themselves.

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Just like douchebags who smack their jump offs around because they know nobody is going to do anything about it, government bad guys do bad things to other countries (and in too many cases to their own people) when they know that nobody has the balls, or the cannon balls, to smack them around for being world class asshats.

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You can debate whether or not we should get involved in the affairs of other countries, and clearly Iraq and Syria reveal that we don’t have one-option approach to armed intervention, but the sad reality is that in most other countries all the shooty-bullety stuff is concentrated in the hands of the government and crooks, who have no qualms about turning them on the general, un-armed public. And so unfortunately the concept of a greater good requires us to determine, more often than anyone would desire, whether or not to take up arms in defense of the innocent.

Starting wars for imperialist purposes = ultra douche and indefensible

Starting wars for the clear greater good when there’s no other option and people are dying and the bad guy is only getting more emboldened by the impotent actions of the UN = douchey but you get a pass

Ending Wars by taking the douchebag to the cruise missile drone strike wood shed = yer doin it right

And boobies.

1:53 pm May, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaamennnn!

4:24 pm May, 28 hermit said...

As long as there are two people in the world, there will be war. Best way to avoid war is to be damn good at it.

Armies are designed to kill people and break things. Destroy the enemy then don’t get wrapped up in politically correct nation building and babysitting.

4:48 am May, 30 douche equis said...

“… anyone who argues to start even more wars so they can feel better about their small peepee or lack of sex life in high school.”

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Oh, THAT’S why wars start. Geez, I had that one totally wrong — I thought that was why guys started websites mocking guys who get good looking chicks and the chicks who love them — their sexual deprivation and penile inadequacy. Remarkable, that I could have missed that one so wildly.

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In all, or more, seriousness — do you actually expect anyone to take your opinions on politics seriously when you say things like that? Here’s a clue for you — Dr. Strangelove was not a documentary.

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