Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Honorary Douchebags of the Month: Anyone Associated with Big Budget CGI Animated Kids Films

epic-post-21

I get it, Hollywood.

Cute creatures burping and farting their way through a perfectly calibrated three act structured world featuring a shitty Randy Newman song prints the cash money like Amanda Bynes trading ass findle for cigarettes outside the laundry room on a Tuesday.

Hells, you ad wizards don’t even need worlds anymore. Your screaming bratty three-year-old target audience can’t even read yet. Just big faces. And burps. And farts. And some heroic life lesson mixed in with lots of explosions and chases.

Just slap a generic adjective title on it, like Epic or Turbo, hire some b-list clowns to voice the un-characters, whip up an excuse for a chase sequence, and the bean counters will get jingly in their jibblies.

Yeah yeah. It’s entertainment “business,” not entertainment “art.” Yadda yadda. Kablooie blooie. And hotties by the pool with lines of blow carefully atop their tramp-stamp won’t pay for themselves.

# posted by douchebag1
10:49 am May, 29 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I’d like to see a CGI animated film with Kelly McBoobis from the last post.

11:28 am May, 29 Vin Douchal said...

Guarantee you these two films are better than anything Don Bluth ever did. Doesn’t make them any good, jes’ sayin’

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Also, when you’re going out of your mind trying to entertain a seven-year-old during summer vacation it’s nice to take an hour nap in someone else’s A/C … so no beef here with these films

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Not that I’m agreeing with Anus Tart ^ it’s just that some of these things have a place

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When is Shrek V coming out?

11:53 am May, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Fuck you Randy Newman.

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Best Regards,

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Short People, SON.

12:17 pm May, 29 creature said...

sounds like sour grapes & appreciation of the entertainment mkt is purely subjective, yet, sadly, driven by box ofc $

12:27 pm May, 29 I R A Darth Aggie said...

like Amanda Bynes trading ass findle for cigarettes outside the laundry room on a Tuesday

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Oh. So that who that was. I didn’t know, I’m sorry.

12:48 pm May, 29 Et Tu Douche? said...

ANALWARTS? ANUS SHART? if I didn’t know any better sounds like old lady Dreuche.

12:51 pm May, 29 killdoucher said...

hollywood…where douchebags are conceived http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2756412/?ref_=sr_2

1:03 pm May, 29 The Dude said...

I refuse to make another post until Dreuche leaves.

1:22 pm May, 29 douchebag1 said...

Dreusche has left the building. Again.

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– management

2:23 pm May, 29 creature said...

honey, you need a hobby…may I suggest you find it elsewhere. the bottom of a bottle is a good place to start…works for most of us

3:16 pm May, 29 Vin Douchal said...

I do like the Bachelor/Bachelorette series ( I can even spell it).

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All the chicks have tart anuses and their anuses are all tart

6:39 pm May, 29 creature said...

at the fair they sell anus tart on a stick….bubbas love ’em!

6:57 am May, 30 JustDan said...

Sound a little bitter there. Your treatment for a childrens version of douchebaglings was rejected or something?

1:54 pm May, 30 Douche Wayne said...

@ Vin 11:28

. . . and the award for first reference to Arrested Development Season 4 goes to . . .

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