Friday, June 14, 2013

Friday Thoughts and Links

39

No matter the ups and downs of our world economy, no matter the ins and outs of politics and social upheaval, there will always be douchebags prancing in clubs, pretending to have fun as they desperately desire to pokey the bobble fondle.

Yet missing out of sapphic coital cuddling because of the need to impress a nearby photographer.

And so the Darwinian club cycle continues.

Like a washing machine filled with sea salts and puke and set on spin.

Here’s yer links:

Your HCwDB 1980s-era New York Book Pick of the Week: “…and it made me uncomfortable the way this guy was eating a scrawny chicken wing and looking at me. You know, I just wanted to tell him to knock it off and be a person.”

New Jersey. Ripping off the rabble with the douchiest of scams.

Cracked writes up The Four Douchiest Weddings Of All Time. Well done, childhood alternative to Mad.

But wait, what’s that? New Jersey fights back. Well done, Garden State. Another article on the story from the UK.

Well I’ll be dipped in dogshit.

Ever see Jesus Christ in a dog’s ass? You have now.

Real Vegas is awesome. Real Vegas is not running with the Goose for a thousand dollars while bad techno pumps and paid-to-pose Woo Hotties pretend to like you.

The greatest art project of the year. I often do this, but not in the name of art. Humbug.

The best way to react to Pear.

Speaking of, my new reality show pitch: Pear Chasers. We’re hoping to sell it to Fox.

Okay, you want real Pear. Well how’s about this:

Brazilian Elevator Chaos Pear

It’s like a shmorgasboard of glute.

# posted by douchebag1
1:18 pm June, 14 bigphatnotadouche said...

chaos and ararchy will come if we don’t continue to fight the douche plague.

however im going to move to brazil and chase pear.

bikinis

1:30 pm June, 14 Wheezer said...

I think Pear Chasers needs to filmed in Rio de Japearo.

2:20 pm June, 14 creature said...

that’s quite a zit chillin on homeboys dome!

.

re jersey booze doctorin, I stepped into a bar on sunset strip Wed, Rock Reilly’s, for a belt & a lil stanley cup finals, ordered a Makers with a cube to chill it…swear to samurai scrote it smelled & tasted like rubbing alchohol (trust me I know what boubon tastes like)…rejected the swill & replaced w Tullamore dew (no what that tastes like too)….was so mad, I wanted to sick ABC on em…goddamn douchey hollywood phony irish pubs!

2:23 pm June, 14 creature said...

…pint & a belt $18…I get twice that at the dumps I usually frenquent, without the posturing transplant kook atmosphere

2:25 pm June, 14 creature said...

…aah, cheap booze joints, there aughta be an Ap….wait

(light bulb ignites)

3:50 pm June, 14 Douchble Helix said...

Hey, even funnier – sell that show to MTV!!!!

4:02 pm June, 14 The Dude said...

The Honey Giggle Bunnies create an interesting – is there anything else happening in this pic?

4:25 pm June, 14 Guid is Good said...

Props. I have only ever managed to do it one handed.

.

.

Auto-eroticisers

5:20 pm June, 14 strangdouche said...

oh shit

talk about set up

6:09 pm June, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

.

Wiggers

7:37 pm June, 14 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

The rare frontal hoverbag.

It’s like seeing a unicorn.

9:38 pm June, 14 DarkSock said...

On me birthday my bud (who introduced DB1 to Turtle Soup with a splash o’ sherry a couple three years back) bestowed upon me a bottle of 2 year olde “bourbon” that was distilled in Colorado, called “Breckinridge”.
.
I just looked at him. Then poured a dram.
.
Y’all need to run out and get some. Shit is awesome. Lotta rye on the mash bill, but in spite of being rather young it’s pretty damn sweet. It has a fierce burn neat but dribble a spot of water in it (about what a pro Vivid girl wisely slobbers onto Peter North’s schwantz before it goes up the back alley) and the corn burn backs way off and it tastes like raisin cinnamon love juice. 86 proof. About $50 per 750ml.
.
Beats a Bloody Mary for breakfast as well…
son

9:43 pm June, 14 DarkSock said...

The secret to their flavor:
poontang

9:48 pm June, 14 strangdouche said...

ok satin this week

9:51 pm June, 14 DarkSock said...

What the bottle looks like, for our non-English Canadian friends:
sons

10:02 pm June, 14 creature said...

…this town was once ok…before all the fuckin yankees showed up…more sour mash please!

10:05 pm June, 14 creature said...

on the otherhand, brothers from houston brought blues & damn fine BBQ!

10:09 pm June, 14 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Anyone who goes to Wlidwood, NJ an spends $80 on pizza and boardwalk games has a lotta fuccen nerve complainin’ about white trash wearin’ droopy drawers. Look in the mirror, jackass! Who ya expectin’ Queen Elizabeth, that fuccen whore?

.

I had me some Templeton Rye and it was the balls.

10:10 pm June, 14 creature said...

I’m good w the jews too!

10:49 pm June, 14 Non-english Canadian Friends said...

@Monsieur Sock

.

We do not drink ze juice of your silly english (pas respecte) pigdog imperialiste state. We only drink les vins, les daughters premier menestrationne, and les poutine. Silly english fuceur go back to your drink with the silly bacon you imperialistes cowpig.

.

Fils

11:35 pm June, 14 strangdouche said...

whats with the constant jewing,you know what year it is

holy war i think not

12:50 am June, 15 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

I had not realised that Juren van der Sloot had stopped murdering girls and had started clubbing agin.

12:51 am June, 15 DarkSock said...

Re: The front page pic

.

I’ll have what them gals in the purple and black dresses are having.

.

Namely, each other.

.

Sapphics.

12:55 am June, 15 DarkSock said...

Also in said photo there appears to be a red sniper’s laser dot drawing a bead on the ‘bag’s empty dome.
.’
I approve.
.
.
.
And fuck this Hipster:
really?

5:04 am June, 15 Douchble Helix said...

I thought Bourbon had to come from Kentucky, USA.

7:37 am June, 15 Douchble Helix said...

Check out John Stossel’s digital watch/calculator in the gay herpster pic, abobe.

1:28 pm June, 15 creature said...

fool looks like he’s practicing the 2 handed ‘Ty Cobb’ stroke for the well hung

9:38 pm June, 15 DarkSock said...

@ DH – me too, but apparently that’s an olde wive’s tail.

9:32 am June, 17 Douchble Helix said...

I guess I *could* have looked it up.

.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bourbon_whiskey

Leave a Reply

What is 14 + 7 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)