Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The Donk Runs Free!!

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Yes, folks, that’s right. The moment you’ve been waiting for.

Legendary Hall of Scrote ubertaint, the one and only Donkey Douche, is now free.

Where our scrotal legend from the late 2000s sadly got in trouble with the law, and then more trouble, justice has apparently finally been served.

And by justice, I mean ubertaint.

For the Donkster is jailed no more.

Free at last!

Free at last!

Thank groin shave all douchey, The Donk is free at last!!

Free to pump up with his bros.

Free to hang with the Chandlerbag.

Free to bust some new douche tatts.

Free to make spectacularly horrifying groin revealing douche vortex self portraits (Not Safe For Life).

Some ‘bags come. Some ‘bags go.

Only the Hall of Scroters carry on forever.

# posted by douchebag1
9:15 am June, 11 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

WOW! That jailhouse chow, and a regimen of daily buggery from the thugs who call Donk their bitch, wears good on the old boy. Looks like he lost at least a stone in weight whilst in the gaol. No doubt he will be about hitting on the hotts, douching up the nightclubs and setting up more drug deals which will soon land his dumb ass back in stir. Welcome back, Donk the ex-con Douchebag!

9:24 am June, 11 Vin Douchal said...

Donk. Like a postage stamp taken off an accidentally misspelled address envelope, he’ll not stick quite right again. Time to build the self-esteem back to it’s previous volcanic heights

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Some clubbing, some easy lays, back in the gym and on the sauce. We’ll see him in some minor headline again.

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Drugs or some petty crime/assault? Let’s place the odds on recidivsm at even money.

9:27 am June, 11 I R A Darth Aggie said...

He hung out with a crossroads demon with Chandlerbag and lived to tell about it? or was that the beginning of his ten year contract? beware of the hellhounds!

9:30 am June, 11 jonezy said...

I’d like to say, on behalf of everyone

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Fuck Fish Slap!

9:39 am June, 11 Fish Slap said...

Fuck the Donk!

9:42 am June, 11 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

DB1 ???? I don’t even get a little mention for turning you onto the new and unimproved Donk and all his narcissistic nonsense ? Come on man.

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And since the Donk is still on probation in two states, I’m taking bets that he’ll be back in the pokey by the end of the summer. Anyone ? Anyone ?

9:50 am June, 11 Troy Tempest said...

Well, he’s out of the clink and he’ll be back on the drink soon enough. That guy put the L in loser. and the OSER too. Magnum Douche is not far off – I would suspect he’ll violate parole SOMEWHERE, but not this summer. It’ll be in the winter, when his mental guard is fogged with all the family issues that made him such a fuck up, and then, he’ll fuck up. I’d say he’ll be back in the slammer this time next year….

9:51 am June, 11 creature said...

and so the long, post hoosgow, douchal decent begins for the Donk…that of resign & desperation, sagging flesh & increasingly unrecognizable tatts, with occaisional spikes of woo hott glory & halcyon days…retreat into the cesspools of douche notoriety & decay, oh Donk, & reap the seedy bounty you so foolishly had sewn in your greasy heyday!

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“hey man, who’s that saggy, beat & wheezy dude hittin’ on Monica?”

“Oh dude, that’s the Donk…used to rule the scene & take down mad bitches”

“That’s the Donk?…wow man, thought it was the janitor, or somethin”

10:00 am June, 11 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

I read that as the Pink Turd club. My eyes did not lie.

10:18 am June, 11 DarkSock said...

Donk made it through prison with his strength of conviction. That conviction being “Ya can’t rape the willing”.

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It’s not gay rape if Donk keeps his eyes slit shut.

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Pounders.

10:22 am June, 11 FredN. said...

What ‘club’ leaves the water main / fire main joint exposed like that? Looks horrendous.

10:47 am June, 11 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Looks like Donk’s tryin’ to ease his way back into “the scene” with underage Thai lady boys who at least have the decency (and brains) not to show their faces on camera. I’m guessin’ that thousand yard stare must be him fondly remembering all those wheelbarrow buggery sessions after “lights out” every night.

11:19 am June, 11 creature said...

…hittin tang must be so much more gratifying after having your ahole repeatedly dialated

11:26 am June, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Like an anal prolapse, he’s the gift that keeps on giving.

11:26 am June, 11 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I agree that the Donk looks like he’s ready to go after being fed a steady diet of Prison Snapper. And by Prison Snapper I mean a man’s hairy, dirty ass that smells like creamed chipped beef on toast after it’s been digested along with a melange of semen and illicit prescription drugs. And by steady diet I mean thrice daily prison rape.

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He’ll return to prison and contract the HIV by year’s end.

11:37 am June, 11 Douchble Helix said...

How is that mofo burnt orange already?

11:38 am June, 11 Douchble Helix said...

Looks like Suzie Largewoman on the couch is hittin’ it tonight.

11:39 am June, 11 FredN. said...

Well…Magnum Douche P.I. certainly brought the goods. Are you also local to the Donk (and I), Magnum?

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But, here’s a treasure trove of more info for those Donk fanatics.

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https://www.facebook.com/DarkMarc14 (some special surprises if you scroll down)

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He is the registered agent for Pink Bird, Inc. (he incorporated in 2009, but was involuntarily dissolved a year later – I wonder if he observes corporate formalities?) Go here and type in Pink Bird:

http://www.ilsos.gov/corporatellc/

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That same SOS website gives you his business address, which is right next door to “Advantage Sign Supply” in shit-ass suburb Schaumburg. Note that the business “The Mueller Group” is the likely source of the Donk’s cash supply, as his father passed in 2010 after building that “European Cable” supply house from the ground up w/o any help from his douche son: http://www.muellergroup.net/larrymueller.html

11:45 am June, 11 Onetonoffun said...

And Hottie Hallowed Hallie is signalling that in the presence of the Donkster she is mature enough to buy her own cut rate Mexican pharmacy birth control and visit the $1 tattoo store all in one week….

12:16 pm June, 11 DarkMarc said...

Shout out to my homies on cell block D!

Hatters

12:22 pm June, 11 Wheezer said...

A sample of the idiocy from Donkster’s Facebook page:

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Donkey Douche: Their is only one thing in this world that gets more attention then a tatted up ripped dude! And that is a beautiful naked girl! That’s my wisdom for the day!

Wednesday, May 29 at 12:11pm · Like

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Donk’s DoucheBro: 🙂

Wednesday, May 29 at 12:13pm via mobile · Like

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Another Donkey DoucheBro: My bank account gets more attention

Wednesday, May 29 at 5:18pm · Like

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Donkey Douche: ^guys who talk about their bank accounts and how much money they supposedly got ☞ have small penises!

Thursday, May 30 at 1:24am · Edited · Like · 1

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Enjoy the vomit-inducing “wisdom” Donkster’s borrowing…..

12:25 pm June, 11 Wheezer said...

[10:00 am June, 11

Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said…

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I read that as the Pink Turd club. My eyes did not lie.]

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Same here. Twice. I think it’s Donk’s new club, an homage to his condition after his stay in the slammer (and because “Pink Sock” was otherwise taken).

1:48 pm June, 11 Colossus of Choads said...

Put a Donk on it

2:17 pm June, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

He likes Skrillex & DubStep what a dick!!!, I will say he’s a douchebags douchebag not sure if that’s a good thing or not. The summer of Donk, look out Chicago. Speaking of Chicago Bruins in 6 and it should be a good series.

2:45 pm June, 11 Sir Douche said...

Why is that chick giving the photographer the finger?

2:54 pm June, 11 strangdouche said...

I dont know thought she would at least be a little more accomodating

3:11 pm June, 11 Douchble Helix said...

I read Donk’s fb page.

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He really seems to have grown.

3:16 pm June, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I checked out his page as well. These poseurs are alike wherever you go.

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I think Donk ate all the carrots at chow time and shit. And then his brain exploded, again.

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From the mouths of Bros. Son.

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Marc Mueller Beg to differ! Attitude and being one of a kind sets u apart from the masses and brings u opportunity and opens doors due to the increased attention! Nobody wants NORMAL, for normal is boring! If I can express my inner self by tattoos and draw attention and positive energy to my self everyday then I turned myself into a PRICELESS BILLBOARD TO ADVERTISE MYSELF! That is winning! But they key is to keep it classy and spend the $$ on good ink and keep ur CANVAS in gladiator shape year round! Haha

May 29 at 12:05pm · Like

6:32 pm June, 11 creature said...

the Donk is so hard he absorbs marshmallows

6:41 pm June, 11 Cam the Left Handed Jew Lawyer said...

As long as Donk has me on retainer he’ll be living the good life. Thanks DB1 for doing the footwork to keep everyone posted on The Donk. 😉

8:18 pm June, 11 The Dude (remote loc) said...

the Donk is so hard his abs can pass for Botts Dots.

8:32 pm June, 11 The Dude (remote loc) said...

btw, I don’t think the Hall of Scrote docs can fit in the 8×20 trailer we’re planning to take across the country to the Guggenheim. Even in the digital era. Digital, I says.

9:12 pm June, 11 Tits McGee said...

I actually have to appear in the very same courthouse where this twat turd was sentenced tomorrow. Its pretty nice, actually. Don’t worry sports fans; I am on the other side of the room.

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Some very quality mock coming from this post. Almost brings a proud tear to my eye. Too much to single out, though. Well done, all around.

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BTW… Downer’s Grove is for white kids who were to rich to develop a decent Chicago attitude and yet too lazy to get their useless asses to the coast(s) where they belong.

9:14 pm June, 11 Tits McGee said...

*too rich

(too rich to afford spell check, i guess…)

9:32 pm June, 11 ehcuodouche said...

Behind that finger is an Asian hott who has made poor life choices.

10:40 pm June, 11 creature said...

I was watchin’ this black & white movie where everybody kept sayin “good noggin” as they left the room, but no one stripped down & performed….probably did all the puffin’ off screen…stupid Turner Classic Movies!

10:44 pm June, 11 creature said...

…you just know them old hollywood dames could play some first rate skin flute, I’m certain Walnuts has some yarns about that Kate Hepburn bird

10:57 pm June, 11 DarkSock said...

I peed in a donkey.

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Once.

11:10 pm June, 11 Bag em, Tag em said...

Cant wait to run into Donk again on North Ave Beach. He’ll be there, standing in the sand, with his wife beater and black hightops on, blurtin out pick up lines to his vict, er potential dates.

1:28 am June, 12 Guid is Good said...

The Donk has been making full use of the George Hamilton Federal Tanning Bed program.

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Spare a thought for the basement dwelling, pasty Australian douchebag Senor Julian Assange who has been denied his human rights to sunbathe. Or at least attempt to in what passes as an English summer.

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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2339659/Britain-breaching-Julian-Assanges-human-rights-letting-embassy-hideaway-SUNBATHE-claims-Ecuadors-foreign-minister.html

6:56 am June, 12 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

He also gave up a little of his cash due to Civil Forfeiture in Missouri. Did I read his wisdom correctly? His goal is not to be normal? Congrats Donk-you reached that goal.

7:29 am June, 12 FredN. said...

Tits McGee – I sometimes appear in that courthouse, as well.

7:49 am June, 12 Dickie Fingers said...

KV and Benzeno need to start douching harder if they expect to be Douche Bag of the year. Donkey Douche is back, bitches.

8:11 am June, 12 Dickie Fingers said...

Just when KV and Benzeno thought it would come down to a battle between them for Douche Bag of the year. Now we have a full sized douche against two sub-compacts.

9:14 am June, 12 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

No joke…a tattoo of eyes in the lower back area tells other inmates you like to pick up the soap.

9:58 am June, 12 The Dude (remote loc) said...

This is great. Let’s say I’m a recently-landed alien and El Donk is the first humanoid I encounter. What would I learn about the human experience – or, would I just leave?

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Never minds

10:10 am June, 12 FredN. said...

Donk’s duck-lipped GF from Wadowice:

https://www.facebook.com/emilia.augustyniak.3/photos

With bonus Easter pics! Yay!

10:44 am June, 12 Dickie Fingers said...

My 7:49 comment took about 24 hours to show up.

12:14 pm June, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Donk’s gf looks like The Joker had a love baby w Fiona Apple

6:59 pm June, 13 Billy The Scrote said...

THE DONK IS FREE! LET THE MOCKING RESUME!

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