Saturday, June 22, 2013

Wallnuts After Dark: What's Wit These Suicide Girls Schevotzes?

mongor2So the other night I’m switchin’ channels on the TV and I come across this show on the Showtime that is about these Suicide Girls, who is these half naked broads wit tattoos and the boobs pierced and weird haircuts. I didn’t know if I was gonna sprout a renoB or run from the room cuz I was scared. Na mean?

I mean the nakedness ain’t so bad but the other stuff I don’t know. Ya know? Sure, beauty is in the eye a the beholder, but in this case I don’t think I’m beholdin’. Or some shit like that.

Maybe the whole point a these dames is to confuse us an that’s what’s attractive. But I gotta say, I don’t ever remember gettin’ a turgid shwanz cuz I was confused. Maybe you modern kids get turned on by this new take on beauty, but for me I’m happy with great gams, some big jugs and a primo keister. A Primo Keister, I says.

Even that old Greek philosophizer Aristotlemeyer said, “To be beautiful, a living creature, and every whole made up of parts, must present a certain order in its arrangement of parts.” But I guess all a that just means if the boobs is where the boobs is supposed to be and the Snapper is in the proper place, then a dame can be beautiful. Then again, what I read about them Greek philosophizers they coulda been talkin’ about a young boy, and I don’t want no part a that.

Back to these suicide dames. Hume posited, “One person may even perceive deformity, where another is sensible of beauty; and every individual ought to acquiesce in his own sentiment, without pretending to regulate those of others.” Posited, I says.

Now see, Hume is one a those guys that if he was around the old neighborhood I woulda given him a shot in the chops cuz when he says stuff he makes my head hurt. I hate that.

So after I took a few Excedrin and my headache felt better I start to figure what Hume said about deformity has somethin to do wit guys who can Bust a Nut over dames wit tattoos and all a that other shit that us old-timers see as bein’ weird and killin’ wood, and that one man’s Chicken Cacciatore is another men’s Baccala Salad. Am I right when I say that?

An I guess it’s kinda like how some guys can look past a broad who has an annoying voice and can’t cut the mustard in the sack cuz she’s a real looker, whilst other guys don’t mind an ugly dame if she’s got a nice way about her and also bangs like the Dickens. Some guys like chicks who is all marked up like a retard’s doodle pad with metal shit stuck in they’s eye brows and the cooze, even. Who knew?

So when it comes to broads like these Suicide Girls, I guess I just have to agree to disagree, or some fuccen thing.

# posted by Vin Douchal
12:53 pm June, 22 creature said...

c’mon Wallnuts, Aristotle? Hume?

…for me it’s Kant, I rely on empirical evidence. if the broads doormat gets wet, Ima delvin’ in!

…na mean?

12:58 pm June, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m with ya Douchey. The only deformity I like on a broad is a vestigial tail. And speaking of tail, Mrs. Kroeger gave me the head today IYKWIMAITYD. But A good looking Quebec hooker which may or may not have been solicited by yours truly with a few tattoos and a tan is OK by me. And shit. If they’re teens with 12″ wide hips, majotr Rebob.

1:07 pm June, 22 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Even Aristotle can be wrong.

3:06 pm June, 22 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Why does I always click on Jacques’s links? I gotta get my head examined….

3:39 pm June, 22 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Like DoucheyWallnuts, I too appreciate a primo keister. ..

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.Like Voltaire, I believe beauty pleases the eye only; sweetness of disposition charms the soul.

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.The Suicide Girls are good for charming bikers, convicts and metalheads and that’s about it.

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.Amputees can be charming too, @Jacques Doucheteau, but I tried without success to find one attractive, once. Not even an eight-ball and a fifth of Jack could do the trick….but this I ascribed to my failure of character, not hers.

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.And those who get off on gazing at other’s misfortune are even further gone than the perverts on this Website.

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.Master Debaters

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4:24 pm June, 22 Troy Tempest said...

Yeah – suicide girls. Weird Scenes inside the Stuckey’s.

5:37 pm June, 22 dickey fingers said...

I sometimes sprouted wood in the communion line and I was definitely confused.

5:50 pm June, 22 Charles Douchewin said...

I clicked on Jacques link, too.

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Celebrate diversity?

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I think Burke would consider the suicide girls both beautiful, and sublime.

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I hear Douchey Wallnuts’ voice in every conversation I ever heard by the men who met – always just to sit and talk – in the Italian barbershop I went to ask a kid, in northern New Jersey. The barber, Sal, then in his 70’s was a friend of my grandmother’s family (spanish, they all showed respect), and would tell me stories about how they’d known each other when they were my age (6-11), when they had each just moved in from the old country (he said old country).

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Sal wore a suit every day, and gave each haircut the attention and detail like it were to last a lifetime.

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He was a gentleman. But in that barber shop my kid self overheard more about what was REALLY happening in town than I ought to have known.

5:51 pm June, 22 Charles Douchewin said...

Thanks DW.

7:22 pm June, 22 Jacques Doucheteau said...

The Rev must have clicked on the link too. That’s why we haven’t heard from him yet.

8:27 pm June, 22 The Dude (remote loc) said...

I ain’t clickin on it, Jack. I’ve been properly warned. In odda woids, a few more pops and I’ll click on it.

10:23 pm June, 22 DarkSock said...

I just have to agree to disagree, or some fuccen thing.”
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Well…I’m with you fellas!
adsf
Oh, and allow me to posit…DAMMIT JACQUES! And Damn ME.
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Posit, I says.
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Will SOMEBODY pitch a fuccen talk show to some 2nd tier cable outlet for DW? Jay?

10:37 pm June, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d fuck those limbless retards silly. Who knows what the poor eggbanks really feel. I bet they can take it in three holes like a human. But fuck the inconvenience of their problem don’t roll with me. I got a fucking crybaby in my men’s room sleeping with my retarded brother. So your father ate too much sugar and is losing limbs, NMFP Sister.

10:42 pm June, 22 DarkSock said...

Samantha Stevens was a married witch who had to have two Dicks. She a HO.
d
w
4

5:26 am June, 23 Wheezer said...

“Wacko Mongor”?

5:40 am June, 23 Guid is Good said...

I think Michael Jackson would have found greater happiness as Mongor. But would Michael Jackson ever wear a Mongor T-shirt?

5:43 am June, 23 Guid is Good said...

Vestigial tail is a little known erogenous zone.

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Dwarf throwers.

5:55 am June, 23 Douchble Helix said...

Long ago there was a letter to the esteemed Penthouse Forum about a guy who takes a chick back to her place, and then she disconnects her fake leg.

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Best sex he ever had, he says.

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Oh, and by the way, he had never expected to be writing to the Penthouse Forum, and his Johnson was a lot bigger than average.

10:50 am June, 23 The Dude (remote loc) said...

A vestigial tail was cited in a three piece suit I was involved in.

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Danglers

3:24 pm June, 23 Douchble Helix said...

I wrote a very funny post about adding Douchey Wallnuts to the pantheon of great I-talian philosphers.

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I guess I fucked up and didn’t hit “submit” or some shit.

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Now, I’m too lazy to re-type it.

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But trust me, it was *really* funny and shit.

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Yogis.

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