Saturday, June 8, 2013

Wallnuts After Dark: What's With Michael Douglas's Troat Cancer?

douglaslibarace

What’s all a this I hear that that Michael Douglas character said his Troat Cancer is from eatin’ Bad Bing? Bad Bing, I says.

I mean I can’t imagine A) eatin’ that much Bing and 2) eatin’ that much Bing that was bad, and that’s comin’ from a guy who’s been cheeks deep for most a his life, and if eatin’ Snapper gave you The Cancer they would a cut out my larynx and cut off my nose back in the 70s. Ya mean?

Now from what Douglas said his doctor said, he caught The Cancer from chowin’ box on broads who had STPs. I wonder how his young wife feels about all a that?

I also saw somethin’ that said The Cancer also came from something called Comminglingus, or some shit. I tells ya, sometimes it ain’t so bad bein’ a regular Joe type, all a that crazy sex stuff sounds like fun until it someone gets The Cancer.

It reminds me a the first time I felt a pair a fake tits on this dame Carmella Rutondo who used to hang around the back lot at MGM back in the day. I took her out for a few drinks and some Terpsichore and the next thing I know she’s all over my joint under the table. Terpsichore, I says.

So we slip into the cloak room at the Brown Derby, which sucked by the way, and I go up her shirt and when I felt her cans I got the Douche Chills, as they felt unnatural. Not like them big old Butter Tits Mother Nature or God or whoever the Fucc you think gives broads tits, gave them. Butter Tits, I says.

An another thing, this story just goes to prove that old sayin’ that the Eggcorn don’t fall far from the tree (not the 3, but the tree), as his old man Kirk was the horniest Sonofabitch that Hollywood ever seen. Kirk once banged a Tongue Ruben with extra sauerkraut, dressed, that he got at Moishe’s Kosher Deli down there on Sunset. Not only did he brake several a them Jew laws by mixin’ dairy wit meat, you don’t wanna know what he did wit the pickle.

So anyways, I’m not ascared a gettin’ The Cancer and so won’t be alterin’ my diet in any way anytimes soon. You know what I’m sayin’, Cool Breeze?

# posted by Vin Douchal
12:23 pm June, 8 Douchble Helix said...

Shoulda ate the parsley, instead.

.

Great story, DW!

12:29 pm June, 8 DarkSock said...

That story gave me a lump in my troat.

.

Troat, I says

1:19 pm June, 8 dickey fingers said...

Brilliant. I enjoys some Walnuts after dark.

1:21 pm June, 8 creature said...

you whistle in the wheat alot, do ya?

1:44 pm June, 8 Douchble Helix said...

DW, I applaud your skills as a cunning linguist.

2:39 pm June, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Fucking funny DW. Pickle. I met a few chicks with bad snapper. The first was when I was about 15. This dirty little 14 year-old friend of my girlfriend lived near me and she asked if I wanted to smoke cause her apartment was free of parent for the day. So we don’t smoke the joint and go right at it. She wanted to shower and then fuck, then get stoned. So I’m hard like Kryptonite at being with a naked girl. She’s feeling my schwantz and I’m finger banging her with the hot water dripping off her still tight and firm labia and Mons Pubis. So we shower off and I’m noticing a funky smell. I put it off to the sanitation workers strike and piles of garbage scattered hither and yon. Tuesday asks me, “What’s wrong Chad.” “Nothing.” I says. We make our way to her twin bed and I decide to go right down on her like I seen Kris Kristofferson going down on Rita Coolidge in the Penthouse magazine (respect). Well! Of all the foul smells I have ever smelled, I never thought it would be skinny 14 year old poon.

I made some excuse about I forgot I had to let my brother in or something and fled. We never spoke again and she moved away shortly after.

.

Every once on a while…you know the times when you start reminiscing and thinking of things for no reason and wondering why…………? Well I get like that every Sunday night in the summertime shortly after Mrs. Kroeger yells to me to put the maggotty garbage out and dream of what might have been if Tuesday’s mother told her that vinegar kills yeast. Son.

3:20 pm June, 8 DarkSock said...

Meanwhile, in Germany…
ws

4:31 pm June, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^I remember that girl, she gave me troat cancer when I was in the Black Forest picking Doofenberries back in the eighties and ran into a secret East German shotput camp. Still wearing tight pants are ya Gerta?

4:48 pm June, 8 Douchble Helix said...

That stinky story brought a tear to my eyes, Rev.

5:23 pm June, 8 killdoucher said...

i always keep one of those vinegar sachets ya get with fries. just before i go looking for that mexican in the canoe, i put some on the ponk and if she screeches im gone like a fart in the wind!

11:21 am June, 9 The Dude (remote location) said...

Heethe cute.

8:58 am June, 10 Merle Baggard said...

Mostly unreadable, but what did get read was stupid. Let DB1 do the posting going forward.

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