Tuesday, July 9, 2013

1988: The Year We Made Douchebag

8926568_87

1988. The number. Another douchebag. Sound of a trust fund asswipe.

— Public Enema

I see you, Coquettish Monica. Your self consciousness about your teeth and propensity to bump into coffee tables when you try to walk around them to go to the kitchen to get another Zima make you endearing, not awkward. I celebrate your wholeness of spirit and bobble fondle by following you through CostCo with binoculars and an ostrich feather, and my awkward sniffing of your Prius driver’s seat while you run into the bank to deposit a check is meant only as a sign of respect. And booble fondle humpty hump. Boobs.

# posted by douchebag1
3:02 pm July, 9 jonezy said...

*est*?

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I think it was supposed to read *failed abortion*

3:04 pm July, 9 jonezy said...

also, to an earlier point- white sunglass frames

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check and mate

3:27 pm July, 9 The Dude said...

Monica’s Coquettes are the reason I run into things while staring at her fun barrels. The ‘sswipe looks like a Cowboy fan. Did America’s Team™ do something special in ’88?

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Oh shit, the ‘sswipe was born in 1988? Good God.

3:37 pm July, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Anna Benson would look good on the receiving end of a Kroeger open faced sandwich with cock knobble for dressing. Overbite chicks and braces girls give the most furious bloodlettin blowjobs. I prefer toothless like my old aunt Gertie used to give me while I washed her distended uterus gingerly in the crazy folks home

3:57 pm July, 9 creature said...

so what are ya sayin’ boss?

…she’s gotta ragged grill?

cover it in paste…na’ mean?

4:00 pm July, 9 creature said...

‘1988’…the number of penicillin doses he’s taken

4:12 pm July, 9 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Monica’s collarbone tatt says “pinch nose for airtight seal”

4:23 pm July, 9 Vin Douchal said...

Booble Fondle Humpty Monica is merely killing time with this schlub until Bill , the sommelier at the Palms, finalizes his divorce from wife #4.

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Ask Choad the Douche Sprocket. He’s probably nailed her, too. Vegas chicks have a very short shelf life and loose, loose slots (if you know what I mean)

4:25 pm July, 9 Vin Douchal said...

Sometimes this guy’s tinnitus makes him giggle because it sounds just like a Steve Aoki tune

5:25 pm July, 9 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Nice of him to narrow it down. Once I invent my time machine, I now know where to go with a coat hanger.

5:31 pm July, 9 Wheezer said...

Boobies. Oh my.

5:32 pm July, 9 Troy Tempest said...

This is proof she has a gyroscope in her monkey hole

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/5/5f/Gyroscope_-_Breed_Obsession.png/220px-Gyroscope_-_Breed_Obsession.png

9:27 pm July, 9 The Dude said...

Her tits would make great lamp shades.

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Underboob glow globes

6:06 am July, 10 Guid is Good said...

Little known fact of douche sartorial guidance – the sunglasses should always match the over size watch and belt (if worn).

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Dandies.

6:30 am July, 10 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

You can almost hear what he is thinking-

Yup Yup Yup- I got her to get in the pool with me Yup Yup Yup She likes me she really likes Me Yup Yup yup

7:52 am July, 10 DarkSock said...

Clemmy thought it was a great idea to tattoo his monthly income across his chest.

10:08 am July, 10 Fyodor Dostedouchesky said...

I think the Public Enemy song actually opens with “1989”…as noted by jonezy, I am guessing 1988 was the year he should have been aborted by popular demand

10:51 am July, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Cleetus Bernoulli, seen here blatanly ignoring the work of his ancestors, still can’t figure out why his attempts at holding Maria underwater will never be successful.

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