Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Breaking: Anna Benson is a Psychopath

k-bigpic

Remember Kris and Anna Benson? Yeah, me neither.

Apparently he’s a (not very douchey) athlete of some kind, and she’s a hottie. Or make that a Bleeth.

As there’s marital bliss. And then there’s entering your husband’s home with a gun and a bulletproof vest and demanding money.

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Former “Baseball Wives” star Anna Benson — the estranged wife of ex-pitcher Kris Benson — was arrested this morning in Georgia … after allegedly raiding Kris’ apartment with a gun and a metal baton, all while wearing a bulletproof vest.

According to law enforcement, Kris—who filed for divorce last year—reported that Anna showed up in a rage last night after being forced by the court to vacate their marital home. Kris says Anna arrived and immediately whipped out an “expandable metal baton,” threatening to hit him.

But it didn’t stop there … Kris told police Anna then pulled out a handgun and demanded money. She must have been expecting Kris to pull a gun on her too … because she was allegedly wearing a bulletproof vest at the time of the alleged assault.

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Lesson learned: Not all hot chicks are worth it, kids.

# posted by douchebag1
11:31 am July, 9 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

If Richie Cuntingham here banged his Tork Black looking ex properly, he might not be having this problems. You have to bang your super hot, barking mad, porn star looking wife like she’s a buffalo hide jungle drum and you are channeling John Bonham on bathsalts. Scientific fact.

11:35 am July, 9 creature said...

note to self, don’t marry former strippers

11:39 am July, 9 Charles Douchewin said...

^Dude McCrudeshoes @ 11:31 is absolutely correct.

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Kinsey reports on this in the little known “Sexual behavior in the crazy-hott”

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Entomologists from New Jersey.

11:44 am July, 9 Charles Douchewin said...

Also, she’s a coward. Brave women go at their men unarmored. Brave men forgive them, and move on.

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Just like Trace Adkins, and his wife.

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And by brave, it’s possible I mean “Tom Cruise Crazy”.

11:52 am July, 9 Douchble Helix said...

She was always shooting off her mouth, getting him in hot water with teams and fans.

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But, she’s hott, so whattayagonnado?

11:53 am July, 9 DarkSock said...

Soooo….she’s single, and just one state over…

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Hmmmm….doing the calculus in my head…

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Okay, y’all; I’ll be back in 3 days. Or maybe never. Wish me luck.

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Effexors.

11:55 am July, 9 DarkSock said...

@ Dude McCrude:
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Her britches are so low her clitoris looks like Kilroy:
slut
d

11:57 am July, 9 creature said...

she once threatened to screw entire Mets roster if Kris Benson ever cheated on her…yup, hott white trash, batshit crazy

12:05 pm July, 9 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Charles Douchewin is wise in the ways of science. If she has the sense to come unarmed, you can give your uper-hott tantrum tart the spanking she secretly craves. That’s a corollary to my earlier scientific fact.

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Corollary number 2: if you are major league baseball player, you really should be spreading your seed on younger fields. Preferably the face, tummy, and dimples of venus of younger fields.

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Dimples of venus: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_la8bwiaEOk1qcq4fuo1_500.jpg

You really ought to view this link.

12:08 pm July, 9 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

her mug shot looks like Kathy Crackhead who lives in the abandon warehouse in the nasty part of town. Bat shit crazy and looks like shit without a pound of makeup, I’ll pass.

12:08 pm July, 9 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Thanks for the assist, Sock. DB1 still doesn’t trust me to post images. He treats me like I’m a Jacques or something.

12:21 pm July, 9 Vin Douchal said...

That broad is old news. She probably did it to recycle her name in the headlines. Or she was broke

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Speaking of headliners, this Bruno Mars cat is the new King of Cool. Like or don’t, he’s like Michael Jackson rolled back into the 70’s with the smart musical sensibilities of The Brothers Johnson, James Brown, Earth Wind and Fire and every Mowtown group that made you stop and listen

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His bass player, 23 year old Jamareo Artis , is a master at his craft. Hang in (or roll up) to the end to check out the riffing on the bass. Insane, I says

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Treasure, Bruno Mars

12:27 pm July, 9 Wheezer said...

[11:57 am July, 9

creature said…

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she once threatened to screw entire Mets roster if Kris Benson ever cheated on her…yup, hott white trash, batshit crazy]

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I remember reading about that way back when. I always wondered if he’d have been better off calling her bluff. It’s possible he could’ve passed her lunacy off to a teammate or 15.

1:00 pm July, 9 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Never marry a stripper- never give a stippper your real name, never give a stripper your address, use a throw away phone if you want to call them-never use a credit card at the strip joint- cash is king and no paper trail- always use a hotel- she will think you are treating her and you will just be protecting your home-condom condom condom-STD test every month or so-when she starts getting comfortable, move on to the newest girl in the joint- just to make her work for it, at least that is what my Dad told me.

1:01 pm July, 9 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Wow, she makes Britney Spears look like Mahatma Gandhi:

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http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01283/SNF01BRIT4-380_1283751a.jpg

1:32 pm July, 9 FredN. said...

THEONETRUEDOUCHE, ladies and gents. That thar is fine advice. If you ever, and I mean EVER slip up and violate any of those rules, your life will be f’in miserable.

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Speaking of miserable, none of these pics look hot to me. She’s a 5 head even in the pic at the top, and that smile is super creepy and weird and who cares if tits big etc etc. However, this pic makes up for it all:

http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slides/photos/001/577/890/Anna_Benson_1_display_image.jpg?1321893338

Yes, you crazy lil bitch, I *will* pull that leash and choke you out, thank you very much. Slight whipping with the heels, too? Why not, I’m going to pay for this when you break into my house and pistolwhip me anyway.

1:34 pm July, 9 hermit said...

Never trust a bitch with a high forehead. It’s a psychotic signifier like low-set ears and horned rim glasses.

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Deborah Norville once beat a panhandler half to death with a manhole cover outside a liquor store in Cleveland.

1:42 pm July, 9 Et Tu Douche? said...

Stripper trash who went on Howard Stern years ago and said she would bang the whole Mets organization including the ball boys if she ever caught him cheating. He’s a punk for putting up with her.

1:48 pm July, 9 Douchble Helix said...

I once used a credit card at a strip joint while out of town on business.

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I get home, and the corporate Amex bill is open on the table.

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Some charge to “CTM” with an 800 number.

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“Thank you for calling Club Taj Mahal, Atlanta’s *finest* all nude gentlemen’s club!”

2:11 pm July, 9 Cameron L. "Lefty" Leibovitz, Attorney-at-Law said...

He may need to retain my services. I’m a ballin’ lawyer.

2:29 pm July, 9 Morbo said...

@Creature: Where are the nude photos?

If there’s one thing I despise, it’s when a woman is advertised as “posing nude!” or “baring it all!” and then they cover up with their hands or show some sideboob.

That ain’t posing nude, kids. If you ain’t showing your nipples or vagina, you might be nude, but you’re not posing nude. It’s nothing but filthy, filthy lies.

2:49 pm July, 9 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The all-time crazy baseball wife was Marilyn Monroe when she was married to DiMaggio. She was bangin’ everybody on the sly an then when Joe dumped her an she was bangin’ that high-falootin’ playwright Martin Milner – I think he wrote that TV show “Adam 12,” or “Death of a Sailor,” or some shit – she would always call Joe to bang him, whist she was bangin’ Milner or Miller, or whatever the fuck his name was.

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Madon, she was pazzo!

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Then she was bangin’ the Kennedys, which turned out real bad for her, as the younger one offed her because she had such an Ooli for Mr President, which pissed of the young one.

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This Benson dame ain’t got nothin’ on Monroe.

2:55 pm July, 9 DouchYouWannaDance said...

Equal parts Bat Shit Crazy and Reasonably hott with a gun-fetish.

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Throw in a pair of Librarian glasses and I give you the next GOP Vice Presidential candidate.

9:25 pm July, 9 Ted Brogan said...

I’d hit it.

10:46 pm July, 9 The Dude said...

Her 5 head makes me

Wish this was Friday Haiku.

Kill them. Kill them both!

10:48 pm July, 9 The Dude said...

^j/k, NSA

11:09 pm July, 9 The Dude said...

Her forehead turned 5

When the gyroscope was put

In her monkeyhole.

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(‘spect to RevChad)

11:13 pm July, 9 The Dude said...

It puts the 5 head

In a bulletproof jacket

Or it gets the hose.

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The psyche hose

6:10 am July, 10 Guid is Good said...

Apprentices at Madame Tussaud’s wax museum are always given a Kris Benson to start out with. Most of the Bensons end up on display in the little known Latvian annexe of the museum Group.

9:31 am July, 18 speechless said...

Looks like a really bad prom portrait — in front of the prom’s sponsor wall. Can you imagine getting a tattoo before gradjiating from high school? I can!

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