Friday, August 30, 2013

Friday Haiku

merv

Merv the accountant

Decides “Why life insurance

If you don’t live some?”*

*note – the ‘Sock is getting cavity searched by the TSA at the airport today because his neck titanium keeps setting off the metal detectors so it may be a while before I post the front page winners.  Deal with it.

# posted by Bagnonymous
6:30 am August, 30 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Looks like the Make a

Wish Foundation cut a deal

With the Bunny Ranch

6:32 am August, 30 Capt. James T. Douche said...

On a positive

Note, it is unlikely Merv

Has any VD.

6:33 am August, 30 Capt. James T. Douche said...

I don’t give a fuck

A club foot is sexy as

Hell, said the blond one.

6:36 am August, 30 Capt. James T. Douche said...

I was under the

Belief that sex with retards

Was against the law?

6:38 am August, 30 Capt. James T. Douche said...

He will be a god

Amongst his World of Warcraft

Buddies after this.

6:42 am August, 30 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Be gentle, I bruise

easy and have IBS

Merv exclaimed to them.

6:43 am August, 30 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Sid rocks his walker

To Ellen Barkin visit

Sue’s prepped for his death.

6:47 am August, 30 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Could you empty my

Piss bag please? Its tied to my

Sock garters, thank you.

6:50 am August, 30 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Merv boasts several

Metabolic disorders

And skin diseases.

6:54 am August, 30 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Last Munchkin from Oz

Wins the Survivor Award

Can’t party that much

6:55 am August, 30 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Merv died due to a

High level of creepiness

Throughout his bloodstream

7:00 am August, 30 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Fred orders hookers

For the ‘boys’ at Old Folks Home

Easy pay for them

7:01 am August, 30 Capt. James T. Douche said...

It only cost six

Months pay for them to perform

A Roman Shower.

7:03 am August, 30 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Graduates of the

Anna Nicole Smith School of

How to Find a Man

7:08 am August, 30 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Harvey the Nebbish

Needs a walker because he

Has such a huge Schmekle

7:09 am August, 30 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

These sex surrogates

say “shit, this isn’t like the

film with Helen Hunt”

7:10 am August, 30 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The Shabbos Shiksas

Take Harvey to Shul, give head

And love Kosher meat

7:13 am August, 30 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Mail Order Brides can’t

Screw since the Walker was put

In their Monkey Holes

7:14 am August, 30 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Skip the flowers Merv

No romance here. They only

accept cash or Visa

7:17 am August, 30 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Rub on the lotion

or they will get the hose. The

Metamucil hose

7:28 am August, 30 Plinky's Daughter said...

“Hey ladies check out

my fuzzy green balls.” Merv boasts

about his walker feet.

7:29 am August, 30 The Dude said...

David Paymer can

still pull the hotts but he can’t

pull anything else.

7:30 am August, 30 Plinky's Daughter said...

I’ve got a Rascal,

a Craftmatic bed, and two

new hips. Lets party!

7:38 am August, 30 Plinky's Daughter said...

Back in my day it

costs a penny for HJs

a buck for a fuck.

7:42 am August, 30 Plinky's Daughter said...

Merv gets older but

the scheming gold digger babes

still stay the same age.

7:47 am August, 30 Plinky's Daughter said...

Sorry Merv these chicks

are gonna need more than a

gram and a slice. Wink.

7:50 am August, 30 Plinky's Daughter said...

Take Your Daughters to

Work Day just got a whole lot

sexier. Thanks Merv.

7:54 am August, 30 Plinky's Daughter said...

Little yellow Sun

in the corner has sure seen

some worse shit than this.

8:25 am August, 30 Douche Wayne said...

Notta, go in peace

until Merv removes shirt to

reveal new tatt sleeves.

8:27 am August, 30 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Don’t piss off Merv. He

picks all AVN winners

with stroke of one hand.

8:29 am August, 30 Douche Wayne said...

Even the Chicken

Ranch needs to file tax returns

and hookers can’t add.

8:33 am August, 30 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Merv is my hero

if he can get hotts to serve

as his Life Alerts.

.

.

.

.

.

.

button pushers

8:34 am August, 30 Douche Wayne said...

Adopting Russian

“orphans” in their twenty’s is

a great tax write-off.

8:37 am August, 30 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Merv can still give it

to them long and hard using

a shuffleboard pole.

8:40 am August, 30 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Merv stops to smell the

roses late in his life. Smell

covers up bleeth queefs.

8:48 am August, 30 Plinky's Daughter said...

Merv will have to wait

for the nurse to bring blender

before he eats pears.

8:51 am August, 30 Plinky's Daughter said...

Notta douche for Merv

unless underneath that old

man mask lies FishSlap.

9:11 am August, 30 Plinky's Daughter said...

Mervs go to move is

to bend them over walker

and then call for help.

9:16 am August, 30 Plinky's Daughter said...

Girls see dollar signs

when they look at Merv. Merv sees

two holes and heartbeats.

9:19 am August, 30 Plinky's Daughter said...

I’m glad we live in

a world where with enough cash

love can find a way.

9:44 am August, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Don’t use Polygrip

Since the gyroscope was put

In her Monkey Hole.

9:45 am August, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

It puts ostomy

In the basket or it gets

The hose. The poo hose.

10:21 am August, 30 Plinky's Daughter said...

Six pound prostate? Check.

Fauxnohawk? Check. Blinged out

walker? Nope. Notta.

10:23 am August, 30 Wheezer said...

Anorexia

has struck the funhouse mirror;

none see a difference.

10:25 am August, 30 Wheezer said...

Shrunken Head Harold

parties with the Amazons;

waits to be tied up.

10:27 am August, 30 Wheezer said...

Serves ’em bouquet of

undercooked bacon flowers,

hopes for some porking.

10:31 am August, 30 Wheezer said...

TSA asswipes

saddle the ‘Sock? Hope they have

swishing backsides. Sons.

.

.

.

.

.

* – Yeah, Googling “swishing backsides” images brought that photo up first. It’s like they knew…..

11:00 am August, 30 Douche Wayne said...

^ I’m just impressed you had the foresight to google “swishing backsides.”

11:02 am August, 30 Douche Wayne said...

TSA holds ‘Sock;

unusual amount of

horse pee in luggage.

11:04 am August, 30 Douche Wayne said...

Only Darksock forced

to go through customs despite

intrastate travel.

11:17 am August, 30 Plinky's Daughter said...

DarkSock joining Mile

Neigh Club with the Kentucky

Derby’s winning horse.

11:19 am August, 30 Plinky's Daughter said...

DarkSock has never

been the same since customs found

drugs in monkey hole.

11:42 am August, 30 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Sock given enhanced

pat down by the TSA

somthing ’bout a boat

12:01 pm August, 30 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

TSA’s first tip

was large number of horse

tails in carry-on.

12:05 pm August, 30 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

‘Sock needs new airline

where personal freedoms are

not questioned too much.

12:21 pm August, 30 Douche Wayne said...

Full body scanner

sent for repairs once Darksock

peed in its hard drive.

12:28 pm August, 30 Douche Wayne said...

Like dogs in a car,

horses can’t stand up in boats

and not fall over.

12:32 pm August, 30 Douche Wayne said...

“Sir, you cannot use

the bathroom before takeoff.

Use this horse, instead.”

12:37 pm August, 30 Douche Wayne said...

Merv came to find out

Just what that vaguely Asian

kid is pointing at.

12:45 pm August, 30 Plinky's Daughter said...

Merv comes to terms with

his own mortality. Then

comes in turns with bleeths.

12:49 pm August, 30 Plinky's Daughter said...

Sock gets detained for

pics of flight attendant pear

he took for spank bank.

12:58 am August, 31 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Sock is now on the

no fly list for the crime of

CLASSIFIEDpeeing in horses.CLASSIFIED

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