It's time for the annual Limerick Wednesday!!!
There was a faux hippy named Dave,
Who needs twins to make his flag wave;
But Trixie and Tori
Saw his Old Glory –
His Stars nor his Stripe could they save.
Oh…what? Think YOU can do better? Please proceed, Governor, to the Comments Sections and hold court.
I really hope that’s just dirt on his flag-pantaloons…
***EDIT***
Y’all crazy. Over 50 limericks and counting…so here are some of the ones I CAN post on the front page. For those of you who visit the site each day but don’t check out the comments thread….Yer missin’ out. So here are some of the PG-13 friendly highlights, plus a well-deserved chaser of Gratuitous Pear™:
Is that a good Patriot?
Standing between the two slut?
I say Hell NO
More like a foe
Who needs a punch to his gut!
– Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
There once was a pud named Steve
Who thought he had some tricks up his sleeve
His colors he flaunted;
He remained undaunted
But the girls just wished he would leave.
– Douche Wayne
When bangin the Doublemint Twins
Brett heard twice the amount “Is it in?”
Try as he might
to keep it upright
I think you all know how this ends.
– Plinky’s Daughter (aka…)
This douchebag is clearly insane
And he’s surely inviting the pain
He’s about to be kicked
In his little boy prick
By a flag hating Lil’ Wayne.
– Crucial Head
His advances were promptly spurned
For the girls’ stomachs were violently churned
By the worn and soiled flag
That made them both gag
According the US Flag Code, it must be burned
– Jacques Doucheteau
These three at some low-rent event
were seeking a way to pay rent
give the bleeths a dollar
and they’ll make you holla
but for Fred it is only 5 cents.
– Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
The Man-Boy looked like the dopes,
He thought he had vibes like the popes
Buy he spoke like a douche
And his hair filled with mousse
Didn’t touch the blonde gyroscopes.
– The Reverend Chad Kroeger (respect)
And now, the demeaning PrurientPalooza for which you craven cuckold crones cry…
Is that a good Patriot?
Standing between the two slut?
I say Hell NO
More like a foe
Who needs a punch to his gut!
It looks like chem burns on their shorts.
As if one tried to kill but aborts.
So this job is not done.
Maybe cram his head up his bun?
Anything to remove these warts!!
There is a smiley dickface
Abusing Our Colors at a foot race
His schtick has brought out
Two Bleeths, no doubt
And my strong desire to use some mace
There once was a Frat-choad named Trey
Who “festival’d” the EDM way
Til he met Pam and Polly
And they asked, “You seen Molly?”
He said, “No”, and they left him for Ray.
There once was a pud named Steve
Who thought he had some tricks up his sleeve
His colors he flaunted;
He remained undaunted
But the girls just wished he would leave.
Two lasses named Crystal and Heather
were two blonde birds of a feather
Then Scotty came in
with a wink and a grin
’twas jealousy caused their friendship to sever.
Dave rarely go to use his peen
Til he found Steph and Brandeen
He thought they were nice,
woke in a bathtub of ice
minus a kidney and spleen.
^got
This douche was born on the 4th of July
So he wore a flag with a zip up fly
The Kellys were impressed
by the way this choad dressed
That they both let him apple their pie
Traditionally flags fly on a pole
Patriotically stirring one’s soul
but then Jeff came along
and used it to cover his dong
Its now just an old glory hole.
When I go into my schpeil
About the groin shave reveal
I’ll think of this group
Who remind me of poop
Wishing they weren’t real
Cindy and Mindy were such dolls
At all of Chads jokes they did lols
He thought he was in
Turns out they were shims
Now he has red white and blue balls
Poor idiotic Sam
into his mouth, too many pills he did cram
He crapped in his pants
but continued to dance
“Dudes, this is my favorite jam!”
The Blondie Twins went to Coachella
With this hippie douche bag fella
They engaged in a threesome
And climaxed with a three cum
The one on the right was quite a yella
As we all look on this tool with disdain
and agree he just adds to society’s pain
Its up to Kathy and Kiley to reject him
before he plugs up their rectums
and ambers their shaved waves of grain.
.
Amen.
Hey diddle diddle
Ignore the douche in the middle
Thanks to the chicks
I’m up to my old tricks
As with my renoB, I fiddle
They say that these colors dont run
and that everyone should carry a gun
If you disagree with ” the man”
they’ll censor your can
When did we stop being fun?
There once was a douche at Coachella
Who thought he was a handsome fella
His shorts he did stain
Had damage of the brain
He is an asshole I must tell ya
Two chicks that share each their twat
Looked at this choad and said, “Uh-uh, NOT!”
But they let him watch
So he strokes his crotch
And they dodge his airborne cum shot
There was once herpster at Bonaroo
Who thought he would get not one but two
Poor Betty was in shock
While Janie did mock
There’s no way, you smell like poo
This dude was revived in the tent
Where all the dehydro’s are sent
Much to our glee
He got some bad “E”
Sex with them was a nonevent
I spy to hippy twins
I think, My they are quite thin
My schwantz I caress
As I watch them undress
Soon my goo will be on their chins
These babes charge you 300 bucks
To blow you and lick on your nuts
If you don’t mind herpes
And cum scented burpees
As discharges drip from their butts
I just noticed his matching flag vest
which adorns his tanned sunken chest
Do you think that his dong
is ensconced in a flag thong?
If so, we must lay him to rest.
T’was a dipshit that posed with two hotts
Over loaded on cheap vodka shots
He pooed his pants
And barked at the ants
And barfed out some stomach blood clots
When bangin the Doublemint Twins
Brett heard twice the amount “Is it in?”s
Try as he might
to keep it upright
I think you all know how this ends.
Sometimes my life feels like a drag
with nothing to boast or to brag
I have my health and good looks
and a brain full of books
But what really sells is jorts made of flag.
You’d think this was Lucky Pierre.
But it’s not as he is just a ka-weer
The Hotts offered sex
But he was looking for Rex
To pack fudge way up his ‘dee-ere’.
There once was a fraternity douchebag
Who went to the music fest dressed as a flag
He drank too many Red Bulls and Goose
Tried to hold it in, but his bowels let loose
He wandered the fest in a drunken stupor
The crowd nicknamed him the American Pooper
Kimmy and Katie met a complete tool
Dressed in flag attire, he looked like a complete fool
They had him buy all their drinks and they smoked all his weed
Oh to all the good times he thought this would lead
But they were pros and when his cash ran out they left him alone.
Oh yeah, and they stole his IPhone
Mitch flashes us the number ten
Which is about the number of men
that have felt the inside
of his rump during pride
To the gals “Its how I reach Zen.”
Sometimes I do something brash
like buy a porn with my card ‘stead of cash
but man if I ever
think flag shorts are clever
It means I’ve smoked all of my stash.
You know that old saying that goes
“If you want to pull in hella hoes
Dress up like the flag
Make your pants sag
Then the hotts will jock you in droves”?
Me neither.
This douchebag is clearly insane
And he’s surely inviting the pain
He’s about to be kicked
In his little boy prick
By a flag hating Lil’ Wayne.
Let me give flag guy a piece of advice
When you’re trying to run your game twice
Make sure you take note
On what floats whose boat
And have plenty of bevies on ice.
no limerick here: Sock-you’re doing an admiral fill in for the baby wasted DB1. Relax bro and keep the ‘bags coming
A limerick these three would write
would prolly be nothing but shite
for it takes rhyming skills
not purchased with bills
to come up with these gems, am I right?
Yellow John Largeman at rear
Called out Pierre as a queer
But Pierre only laughed
‘Cause it’s clear to those not daft
That Pierre’s eyes on boys always leer.
I have all this mock to deploy
yet no new douches to verbally destroy
I guess once you have a kid
things dont run like they did
Maybe I should start drinking soy.
This particular douche I would tackle
To shut up his nasally cackle
Then stomp on his pearls
Right in front of the girls
Who’s breasts I would then proceed to spackle
His advances were promptly spurned
For the girls’ stomachs were violently churned
By the worn and soiled flag
That made them both gag
According the US Flag Code, it must be burned
“Hey ladies, check me out” he snorts,
“You want some of my primo schwartz?”
But they could certainly tell
The source of the smell
“Dude, is that a turd smeared on your shorts?”
If you ever get shit on your shorts
hang out with nefarious sorts
those ladies wont mind
if its from your behind
As long as its not genital warts
Douche is wearing the flag to be ironic
and it appears to be covered in colonic
But these chicks seem down
to party with this clown
I however, would rather bang a gin and tonic
I heard that the easiest way
to save a bleeth back in the day
Was to ply her with booze
and then jizz on her boobs
Give her cab fare then send her away.
The daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus
Created a terminal virus
That caused these two cuties
To open their cooties
For flaggy douchebag – oh why us!
These three at some low-rent event
were seeking a way to pay rent
give the bleeths a dollar
and they’ll make you holla
but for Fred it is only 5 cents.
Please let me live in Hilbert space
to get away from the human race
it’s these you see
that make me want to flee
and with reality I’ll never touch base.
Why must you take the flag
you dirty, scummy douchebag
people have died
to watch this flag fly
so stop being a fuccen tool bag.
A kick in the throat he does need
before he can seal any deed
with one of these chicks
he’ll give not only ticks
but he’ll try squirting out some slow seed.
Oh to be young and carefree
without job, prospects or degree
I would party non stop
loudly blasting hip hop
End up a barefoot single mother of three
Two cute little blondes think of twerking
With this flaggie douchebag twit working
To find a good way
Into a three-way
But just wait till they see his Merkin!
In order to prove that I’m smart
I’ve spent all day trying to fart
a limirick of pure methane gas
delivered live and direct but alas
It turned out to be more of a shart.
Writing limiricks aint hard
Its not like rewriting the Bard
Just give it a whirl
or get schooled by this girl
when did you all become tards?
The Man-Boy looked like the dopes,
He thought he had vibes like the popes
Buy he spoke like a douche
And his hair filled with mousse
Didn’t touch the blonde gyroscopes.
Some say I’m a magical genie
and others just call me a meanie
But your wish I will grant
if you take off your pants
and just send me a pic of your weenie.
.
Limerick Wednesday is the tits.
Wow Sock, that’s a lot of nice crack.
Deposits in the spank bank, I no longer lack.
Posts before don’t compare,
To this bounty of pear.
I hope DB1 never comes back.
Espresso Pear – that’s a nice roast!
Peach Fuzz Pear looks chilly.