Wednesday, August 28, 2013

It's time for the annual Limerick Wednesday!!!

flagstain

There was a faux hippy named Dave,

Who needs twins to make his flag wave;

But Trixie and Tori

Saw his Old Glory –

His Stars nor his Stripe could they save.

Oh…what?  Think YOU can do better? Please proceed, Governor, to the Comments Sections and hold court.

I really hope that’s just dirt on his flag-pantaloons…

***EDIT***

Y’all crazy.  Over 50 limericks and counting…so here are some of the ones I CAN post on the front page.  For those of you who visit the site each day but don’t check out the comments thread….Yer missin’ out.  So here are some of the PG-13 friendly highlights, plus a well-deserved chaser of Gratuitous Pear™:

Is that a good Patriot?

Standing between the two slut?

I say Hell NO

More like a foe

Who needs a punch to his gut!

– Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt

There once was a pud named Steve

Who thought he had some tricks up his sleeve

His colors he flaunted;

He remained undaunted

But the girls just wished he would leave.

– Douche Wayne

When bangin the Doublemint Twins

Brett heard twice the amount “Is it in?”

Try as he might

to keep it upright

I think you all know how this ends.

– Plinky’s Daughter (aka…)

This douchebag is clearly insane

And he’s surely inviting the pain

He’s about to be kicked

In his little boy prick

By a flag hating Lil’ Wayne.

– Crucial Head

His advances were promptly spurned

For the girls’ stomachs were violently churned

By the worn and soiled flag

That made them both gag

According the US Flag Code, it must be burned

– Jacques Doucheteau

These three at some low-rent event

were seeking a way to pay rent

give the bleeths a dollar

and they’ll make you holla

but for Fred it is only 5 cents.

– Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

The Man-Boy looked like the dopes,

He thought he had vibes like the popes

Buy he spoke like a douche

And his hair filled with mousse

Didn’t touch the blonde gyroscopes.

– The Reverend Chad Kroeger (respect)

And now, the demeaning PrurientPalooza for which you craven cuckold crones cry…

Expresso Pear

Long-Stemmed Pear

MonoChromatic Pear

Well-Oiled Pear

Peach Fuzz Pear

Stair Pear (at which you stare…)

# posted by Bagnonymous
6:24 am August, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Is that a good Patriot?

Standing between the two slut?

I say Hell NO

More like a foe

Who needs a punch to his gut!

6:32 am August, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

It looks like chem burns on their shorts.

As if one tried to kill but aborts.

So this job is not done.

Maybe cram his head up his bun?

Anything to remove these warts!!

6:40 am August, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

There is a smiley dickface

Abusing Our Colors at a foot race

His schtick has brought out

Two Bleeths, no doubt

And my strong desire to use some mace

6:45 am August, 28 Bag Em Tag Em said...

There once was a Frat-choad named Trey

Who “festival’d” the EDM way

Til he met Pam and Polly

And they asked, “You seen Molly?”

He said, “No”, and they left him for Ray.

7:20 am August, 28 Douche Wayne said...

There once was a pud named Steve

Who thought he had some tricks up his sleeve

His colors he flaunted;

He remained undaunted

But the girls just wished he would leave.

7:28 am August, 28 Douche Wayne said...

Two lasses named Crystal and Heather

were two blonde birds of a feather

Then Scotty came in

with a wink and a grin

’twas jealousy caused their friendship to sever.

7:41 am August, 28 Douche Wayne said...

Dave rarely go to use his peen

Til he found Steph and Brandeen

He thought they were nice,

woke in a bathtub of ice

minus a kidney and spleen.

7:41 am August, 28 Douche Wayne said...

^got

7:43 am August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

This douche was born on the 4th of July

So he wore a flag with a zip up fly

The Kellys were impressed

by the way this choad dressed

That they both let him apple their pie

7:51 am August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

Traditionally flags fly on a pole

Patriotically stirring one’s soul

but then Jeff came along

and used it to cover his dong

Its now just an old glory hole.

7:55 am August, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

When I go into my schpeil

About the groin shave reveal

I’ll think of this group

Who remind me of poop

Wishing they weren’t real

7:57 am August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

Cindy and Mindy were such dolls

At all of Chads jokes they did lols

He thought he was in

Turns out they were shims

Now he has red white and blue balls

8:02 am August, 28 Douche Wayne said...

Poor idiotic Sam

into his mouth, too many pills he did cram

He crapped in his pants

but continued to dance

“Dudes, this is my favorite jam!”

8:22 am August, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The Blondie Twins went to Coachella

With this hippie douche bag fella

They engaged in a threesome

And climaxed with a three cum

The one on the right was quite a yella

8:36 am August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

As we all look on this tool with disdain

and agree he just adds to society’s pain

Its up to Kathy and Kiley to reject him

before he plugs up their rectums

and ambers their shaved waves of grain.

.

Amen.

8:37 am August, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Hey diddle diddle

Ignore the douche in the middle

Thanks to the chicks

I’m up to my old tricks

As with my renoB, I fiddle

8:45 am August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

They say that these colors dont run

and that everyone should carry a gun

If you disagree with ” the man”

they’ll censor your can

When did we stop being fun?

8:50 am August, 28 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

There once was a douche at Coachella

Who thought he was a handsome fella

His shorts he did stain

Had damage of the brain

He is an asshole I must tell ya

8:53 am August, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Two chicks that share each their twat

Looked at this choad and said, “Uh-uh, NOT!”

But they let him watch

So he strokes his crotch

And they dodge his airborne cum shot

8:53 am August, 28 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

There was once herpster at Bonaroo

Who thought he would get not one but two

Poor Betty was in shock

While Janie did mock

There’s no way, you smell like poo

8:58 am August, 28 Vin Douchal said...

This dude was revived in the tent

Where all the dehydro’s are sent

Much to our glee

He got some bad “E”

Sex with them was a nonevent

8:58 am August, 28 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

I spy to hippy twins

I think, My they are quite thin

My schwantz I caress

As I watch them undress

Soon my goo will be on their chins

9:01 am August, 28 Vin Douchal said...

These babes charge you 300 bucks

To blow you and lick on your nuts

If you don’t mind herpes

And cum scented burpees

As discharges drip from their butts

9:04 am August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

I just noticed his matching flag vest

which adorns his tanned sunken chest

Do you think that his dong

is ensconced in a flag thong?

If so, we must lay him to rest.

9:07 am August, 28 Vin Douchal said...

T’was a dipshit that posed with two hotts

Over loaded on cheap vodka shots

He pooed his pants

And barked at the ants

And barfed out some stomach blood clots

9:19 am August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

When bangin the Doublemint Twins

Brett heard twice the amount “Is it in?”s

Try as he might

to keep it upright

I think you all know how this ends.

9:36 am August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

Sometimes my life feels like a drag

with nothing to boast or to brag

I have my health and good looks

and a brain full of books

But what really sells is jorts made of flag.

9:46 am August, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

You’d think this was Lucky Pierre.

But it’s not as he is just a ka-weer

The Hotts offered sex

But he was looking for Rex

To pack fudge way up his ‘dee-ere’.

10:11 am August, 28 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

There once was a fraternity douchebag

Who went to the music fest dressed as a flag

He drank too many Red Bulls and Goose

Tried to hold it in, but his bowels let loose

He wandered the fest in a drunken stupor

The crowd nicknamed him the American Pooper

10:19 am August, 28 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Kimmy and Katie met a complete tool

Dressed in flag attire, he looked like a complete fool

They had him buy all their drinks and they smoked all his weed

Oh to all the good times he thought this would lead

But they were pros and when his cash ran out they left him alone.

Oh yeah, and they stole his IPhone

10:32 am August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

Mitch flashes us the number ten

Which is about the number of men

that have felt the inside

of his rump during pride

To the gals “Its how I reach Zen.”

10:46 am August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

Sometimes I do something brash

like buy a porn with my card ‘stead of cash

but man if I ever

think flag shorts are clever

It means I’ve smoked all of my stash.

11:01 am August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

You know that old saying that goes

“If you want to pull in hella hoes

Dress up like the flag

Make your pants sag

Then the hotts will jock you in droves”?

Me neither.

11:04 am August, 28 Crucial Head said...

This douchebag is clearly insane

And he’s surely inviting the pain

He’s about to be kicked

In his little boy prick

By a flag hating Lil’ Wayne.

11:21 am August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

Let me give flag guy a piece of advice

When you’re trying to run your game twice

Make sure you take note

On what floats whose boat

And have plenty of bevies on ice.

11:24 am August, 28 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

no limerick here: Sock-you’re doing an admiral fill in for the baby wasted DB1. Relax bro and keep the ‘bags coming

11:47 am August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

A limerick these three would write

would prolly be nothing but shite

for it takes rhyming skills

not purchased with bills

to come up with these gems, am I right?

11:54 am August, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Yellow John Largeman at rear

Called out Pierre as a queer

But Pierre only laughed

‘Cause it’s clear to those not daft

That Pierre’s eyes on boys always leer.

12:00 pm August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

I have all this mock to deploy

yet no new douches to verbally destroy

I guess once you have a kid

things dont run like they did

Maybe I should start drinking soy.

12:22 pm August, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

This particular douche I would tackle

To shut up his nasally cackle

Then stomp on his pearls

Right in front of the girls

Who’s breasts I would then proceed to spackle

12:27 pm August, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

His advances were promptly spurned

For the girls’ stomachs were violently churned

By the worn and soiled flag

That made them both gag

According the US Flag Code, it must be burned

12:33 pm August, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

“Hey ladies, check me out” he snorts,

“You want some of my primo schwartz?”

But they could certainly tell

The source of the smell

“Dude, is that a turd smeared on your shorts?”

12:45 pm August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

If you ever get shit on your shorts

hang out with nefarious sorts

those ladies wont mind

if its from your behind

As long as its not genital warts

12:53 pm August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

Douche is wearing the flag to be ironic

and it appears to be covered in colonic

But these chicks seem down

to party with this clown

I however, would rather bang a gin and tonic

1:03 pm August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

I heard that the easiest way

to save a bleeth back in the day

Was to ply her with booze

and then jizz on her boobs

Give her cab fare then send her away.

1:03 pm August, 28 The Dude (remote loc) said...

The daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus

Created a terminal virus

That caused these two cuties

To open their cooties

For flaggy douchebag – oh why us!

1:35 pm August, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

These three at some low-rent event

were seeking a way to pay rent

give the bleeths a dollar

and they’ll make you holla

but for Fred it is only 5 cents.

1:39 pm August, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Please let me live in Hilbert space

to get away from the human race

it’s these you see

that make me want to flee

and with reality I’ll never touch base.

1:43 pm August, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Why must you take the flag

you dirty, scummy douchebag

people have died

to watch this flag fly

so stop being a fuccen tool bag.

1:47 pm August, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

A kick in the throat he does need

before he can seal any deed

with one of these chicks

he’ll give not only ticks

but he’ll try squirting out some slow seed.

2:21 pm August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

Oh to be young and carefree

without job, prospects or degree

I would party non stop

loudly blasting hip hop

End up a barefoot single mother of three

2:25 pm August, 28 The Dude (remote loc) said...

Two cute little blondes think of twerking

With this flaggie douchebag twit working

To find a good way

Into a three-way

But just wait till they see his Merkin!

3:07 pm August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

In order to prove that I’m smart

I’ve spent all day trying to fart

a limirick of pure methane gas

delivered live and direct but alas

It turned out to be more of a shart.

3:26 pm August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

Writing limiricks aint hard

Its not like rewriting the Bard

Just give it a whirl

or get schooled by this girl

when did you all become tards?

3:35 pm August, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The Man-Boy looked like the dopes,

He thought he had vibes like the popes

Buy he spoke like a douche

And his hair filled with mousse

Didn’t touch the blonde gyroscopes.

11:23 pm August, 28 Plinky's Daughter said...

Some say I’m a magical genie

and others just call me a meanie

But your wish I will grant

if you take off your pants

and just send me a pic of your weenie.

.

Limerick Wednesday is the tits.

11:52 pm August, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Wow Sock, that’s a lot of nice crack.

Deposits in the spank bank, I no longer lack.

Posts before don’t compare,

To this bounty of pear.

I hope DB1 never comes back.

2:12 am August, 29 The Dude (remote loc) said...

Espresso Pear – that’s a nice roast!

11:33 am August, 29 Douche Wayne said...

Peach Fuzz Pear looks chilly.

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