Tuesday, October 22, 2013

And then this happened

photo 1 (5)

Shark hats.

It’s like telling the world you’re “gangster,” only instead of gangster, it’s “five year old boy into sharks.”

Nicole has the hard meth eyes of short term love and long term childrearing without a feasible source of income.

# posted by douchebag1
8:48 am October, 22 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

If you’re a goaltender for San Jose, it is acceptable to wear shark teeth on your forehead, if, and only if, you are wearing your mask. It is the Brian Hayward rule.

She looks like she’s stopped a lot of rubber with her face.

8:57 am October, 22 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Nicole also has perfectly shaped globulins of articifical goo posing as boobers. Nicole has had a rough life but it seems not to be improving any time soon. That PhD in Economics from the Wharton School just was not in the cards. Dropping out in the 10th grade and joining a girl gang didn’t advance the chances much. On the bright side, she could probably kick my ass without a lot of trouble. And it certainly would not muss her perfectly coiffed hair.

8:58 am October, 22 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Nicole also has perfectly shaped globulins of artificial goo posing as boobers. Nicole has had a rough life but it seems not to be improving any time soon. That PhD in Economics from the Wharton School just was not in the cards. Dropping out in the 10th grade and joining a girl gang didn’t advance the chances much. On the bright side, she could probably kick my ass without a lot of trouble. And it certainly would not muss her perfectly coiffed hair.

9:09 am October, 22 Dr Magnifico said...

I reckon she wears a strap on and gives shark hat a jolly good rodgering.

9:23 am October, 22 Charles Douchewin said...

The only animals harmed for this picture are the ones behind the camera.

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He’s at least a stage II bagling, with excellent douche potential. She seems like a sad case, making this pairing unsporting.

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Chaps.

9:24 am October, 22 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I don’t see any shark hats. Just round mounds of joy.

9:30 am October, 22 Vin Douchal said...

Looks like his fighting defense is leading with his schnoz.

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That things been pushed in more times than Donkey Douche’s stool in the joint

9:35 am October, 22 Vin Douchal said...

Her bog boobs and ” ‘O’ Face” pose offer a life of cheap perfume, brittle bleached hair, an ever evolving tramp stamp tatt and late cell phone payments.

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However, one would not decline the offer of a session of naked hacks squats on the purple carrot

.

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Prophylaxis

9:35 am October, 22 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Those are the boobs of a single mom with a substance abuse problem who can hang upside down whilst spinning on a pole with a garter full of singles. Just sayin.

10:07 am October, 22 creature said...

she can support a meth habit by pulling the late lunch shift peeling down to a tattered thong…those fake cans can support steel girders…. & when you tire of grinding her at 2am, you can hand her a tooth brush & she will clean the grout in your shower til dawn whilst you recharge…whilst sez I

10:27 am October, 22 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

When you go to the drive-thru plastic surgery in Vegas, it’s really difficult to get the driver’s side boob lined up with the passenger side boob.

10:54 am October, 22 Douchble Helix said...

Madonna and child, guys.

11:47 am October, 22 The Dude said...

I like her whipped cream bikini.

12:33 pm October, 22 Wheezer said...

Colin Kaepernick in his pre-tatt days, but still a burgeoning douchebag, is seen here about to hook up with ‘Lawrencia’ from Henderson, NV.

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“Freshman dorm floor prank,” said no one ever.

1:03 pm October, 22 bigphatnotadouche said...

Nice bolt-ons…

She wears knee pads to pay for those flesh puppies.

silicone mountains

1:20 pm October, 22 Morbo said...

Not excusing Deep Blue Seadouche here, but I do almost feel sorry for him. He has no idea what he’s gotten himself into.

DSS likes to think he’s hardcore. He’s ripped a bongload or three, gotten hammered his share of times, even committed some teenage mischief that borders on felonies. For his 18th birthday, he and his crew (that’s what they call themselves, is “The Crew”) went to Bazooka Joe’s, the strip club next to the biker bar across the river.

And that’s when he met Nicole.

.

It was love at first sight for him. Her awkwardly-shaped tits jiggled like a hypnotist’s watch. He was entranced, and amazed when she invited him out later “To party.”

He stayed away from the meth she was smoking, but it might have been a better option than dating Nicole. She’s the worst kind of girlfriend — the kind that’s an expensive date (in this case using his money for drugs and not normal date things) who puts out just enough to keep you around. She’ll throw him a blowie and an angry handjob often enough to make him think she cares. But she doesn’t. She does the same thing to three other guys, and for the same reasons. And that’s not even counting the two or three tricks a week she turns on the side to make the rent.

Nicole will do what it takes to get by. If that includes getting $100 for anal from a guy named “Toad” in the bathroom of the biker bar next to Bazooka Joe’s, then so be it. If it means stringing DSS along through two years of shiftless sex, giving blowies with soul dead eyes but moaning “Oh yeah, baby! Gimme all you got!” with all the passion and conviction of a phone sex operator, then so be it. Nicole does what Nicole has to do.

Forget DSS and his hat. Nicole is the real shark here.

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DSS, of course, brags about how he’s “fucking a stripper, man!” and has become the third-coolest guy in the six-man Crew. He’s still lagging behind Joey, whose brother’s friend knows a guy who bought a Porsche; and Anthony, who can totally get everyone free pizza at the end of the night shift at his uncle’s pizza joint that he works at.

As DSS’ one-sided relationship with Nicole drags on, however, it’s becoming apparent to all of them what the deal is. That means No. 4, Johnny Who Works At the Tire Shop, is eyeing DSS’ spot in the pecking order.

1:49 pm October, 22 Steve said...

Tranny Spears.

2:02 pm October, 22 Douche Wayne said...

This may be one of the semi-rare pairings where the bleeth is infecting the douche.

2:38 pm October, 22 bigphatnotadouche said...

I vote for Morbo as comment of the week.

3:25 pm October, 22 FoghornLeghorn said...

Morbo nailed it. I cried a little, like I do when Sarah Mclachlan asks me to “End Animal Cruelty” on those tv commercials.

4:19 pm October, 22 Wheezer said...

Like a Morboss.

8:04 pm October, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d hit her Morboso-san.

8:15 pm October, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

And by hit her, I mean with your cock.

6:32 am October, 23 DarkSock said...

Morbo called it. Nothing left here; move along folks.

12:19 pm October, 23 purpledrank said...

She’s a handsome looking woman, and by handsome I mean trannie like with +2s.

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