Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Benzino Takes a Break From Being a Heaping Asspimple

Benzino Sips some Orange Juice

Sure it looks effortless.

But being a Heaping Asspimple in presence of sexy superhotties takes hard work, dedication to craft, and a commitment to superlative scrotewankery.

Every so often, a ‘bag legend deserves a break.

A chance to unwind, acting only as an average choadmunch would.

To paraphrase some forgotten Lilith Fair singer-songwriter of the musically deadened 1990s, What if Douchebag Was One of Us? If you will.

And so Benzino carries on, ever onward, until, like Coleridge once waxed poetic, the dead seagull falls.

# posted by douchebag1
12:44 pm October, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Mostly Cleavite Tina contemplates her drink. Perhaps it’s too sweet and she wonders if a dash of bitters would do the trick. Or perhaps she wishes you should jump through the glass and end up in Wonderland, Oz, the center of a blackhole… anywhere that doesn’t reek of Drakkar would be an improvement even it it meant being [morgan freeman narration mode] extruded in a one atom wide spaghetti string through your own asshole. [/morgan freeman narration mode]

1:08 pm October, 23 Dickie Fingers said...

Nice job of blocking out your face. Blonde bleeth wasn’t as smart.

1:10 pm October, 23 FredN. said...

Chick on left, while I appreciate the mammaries and would love to darken them purple with The Backhand of Justice and Fate, reminds me too much an old lady sitting on the city bus, with her tits hanging to her knees.

1:25 pm October, 23 Charles Douchewin said...

. LEERING

.

. You’re doing it right!

1:29 pm October, 23 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

This guy has perfected his craft. Unfortunately for him (and us) his craft is not heart surgery, throwing a 95mph curve ball or being a diplomat for world peace. Its being a complete narcissistic tool. I’m still amazed the trust fund he’s financing this epic run on hasn’t run out.

1:53 pm October, 23 Dr Magnifico said...

Bleeth on left has some big arse jugs!

2:34 pm October, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m in Toronto today and if I can see through the fog of Hong Kong tourists and transplants and the smog, all I see is Hipsters. Fucking Hipsters everywhere!

2:52 pm October, 23 Charles Douchewin said...

The Rev is right about the GTA hipster plague.

.

And Rev, why don’t these Canucksters patriotically drink Sleemans – instead of PBR?

.

PBR.

.

Lest I leave us on a bad brew note, on a recent sojourn to the states I discovered Yard’s brewery in Philadelphia; their revolutionary-era ales, using Washington’s, Franklin’s, and Jefferson’s own recipes – are cool.

3:47 pm October, 23 Vin Douchal said...

Benzino is the poster boy for the Westboro Baptist Church’s “Fag Agenda”. Why aren’t they picketing him?

.

Speaking of picketing , how bout this World Series matchup?

.

The awesomeness of the Beard Sox playing good guys to the biggest tattooed Douchebag in baseball, Yadier Molina and those fuccen over-hyped “Best Fans In Baseball” St. Louis cunts that don’t boo their own players and suck at the teat of Shitty McCarver and Joe Buck . What’s that about?

.

Though not at the same level as the Yankees, this Cardinal bunch is easy to hate. Sox in 5

4:09 pm October, 23 SonnyChibaChoad said...

^VIN^ I’m sooooo tiiired of the “most knowledgable fans in baseball” hooey viz. Cards fans. Can’t be too smart to remain to St. Louis!

5:08 pm October, 23 The Dude said...

I don’t like the Cards or the Red Sox, mainly because I had Detroit-LA picked in my bracket.

6:35 pm October, 23 creature said...

are they still playing baseball?

.

Yogis

7:29 pm October, 23 purpledrank said...

Mostly Cleavite Tina m-m-m-makes me h-h-h-happy. Simple Jack would like to leave a reservoir of penis puke along the top shelf of her ample gunt.

8:15 am October, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Vin

.

I heard that lemonparty.com is going to have its own special section where anyone who has the stomach can watch McCarver and Buck “perform” in the St. Louis locker room after every game. Thank god TV’s come with mute buttons. It’s hard to hear anything over their sycophantic slurping and moaning about the wonderful Carlos Beltran and how he needs to win a World Series and what a great manager Matheny is.

.

Sox in 4

12:28 pm October, 24 jonezy said...

I’ve heard it is McCarver’s last year- THANK GOD almighty! And I’m not even religious.

.

I made it to NLCS game 6. Being a lifelong Dodgers fan, I wore all blue and a mullet wig to make dick of all the Cards fans. But they sure showed me- it was brutal. Looks like I didn’t make the cut on the national broadcast but I got a few seconds on their Jumbotron..

.

After the game I went to the hotel bar across the street and the TBS broadcast crew was at the next table over so I shot the proverbial shit with Craig Sager while I bought him a few beers. Can’t remember a fucking thing we spoke about, I was so hammered, but I do recall him trolling for trim at the 2am mark when the lights turned on and the bar kicked everyone out. We must have asked him 6 or 7 times “So, where do you get a coat like that?” just to be dicks. Seemed like a nice enough guy overall though.

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