Friday, October 25, 2013

Friday Thoughts and Links

The Melon checker

The Melon Checker knows what’s up.

And what’s up is that those melons ain’t gonna check themselves.

Certainly not with the FDA in upheaval after the shutdown.

Why, who knows what insidious boob flu might sneak through customs without the yeomanlike work of boobal inspections as performed by The Melon Checker?

So next time you see a Melon Checker, don’t be afraid!

Reach out! Come on! Melon Checkers are people too! Well, maybe not. But you get what I mean.

Hug a douche!

Here’s yer links:

Your HCwDB Buy Some Shit and Support the Site Link of the Week: What to get when Lumburgh steals your stapler.

This human being sucks. Truth. 100% truth.

Your humb narrs did an interview with the HCwDB supporters over on the Girls Gone Wild blog.

You might be a doucheneck if…

Larry King is an oldbag. But you knew that.

When the douches get lazy, then only lazy people will be douchebags. Or something.

If you haven’t seen The Room, Tommy Wiseau’s sublime 2003 piece of cinematic performance art, this book will help you understand the genius at work.

Noted Hollywood douchebag Russell Brand is a blathering idiot who spews word salad enough to fool the masses into thinking he’s some sort of Dionysian intellectual rebel. I have far more respect for Hollywood bimbos who understand the shallow depths of their own limitations. Know thyself, Russell. You ain’t an intellectua.

In Mexico, thug life echoes American douchebaggery. No surprise. It is a global plague, after all.

Hollywood’s secret sex parties. The only one I was invited to involved a lingerie clad Kathy Bates and a vat of Crisco in a bathroom at a motel off Sunset and Hyperion. Good times.

Okay. You been good. Here’s your pear:

Pear Jazzle

No I don’t know what it means either.

# posted by douchebag1
1:20 pm October, 25 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Smokey Largeman turns his head and puffs on.

1:21 pm October, 25 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Hollywood actresses have casual sex, but try to keep it secret? Hike up your g-string and pull on your waders, Martha, this news is gonna hit you like a tidal wave.

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I can’t tell if this is Fox reporting akin to having a weather rock do the weekend weather, or Hollywood viral marketing Hollywood itself by reminding everyone that people in Hollywood….*gasp*… have sex. I mean penii, vajays, the works!

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You want a story that will turn your pubes white, report on what goes on in Dubai or Pattaya. That shyte will make you doubt there ever was a god.

1:28 pm October, 25 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Breast fondle, you doing it wro…never mind…

1:28 pm October, 25 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Girls gone wild? Really, DB1? How about I hold an SPCA fundraiser in Michael Vick’s back yard?

1:58 pm October, 25 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

D Mc C: In Hollywood, I guess ya gotta get your plugs where ever and when ever you can. Speaking of which, I can’t wait to hear Walnuts stories of the sex parties he’s attended.

2:37 pm October, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

This is just plain fuccen funny.

.

2:39 pm October, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Dude McC

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“How about I hold an SPCA fundraiser in Michael Vick’s back yard?” Let me know when you do ’cause I wanna show up. My Am Staff needs somethin’ to gnaw on.

3:07 pm October, 25 Steve said...

The person who photoshopped Pear Jazzle’s ass should be fired.

3:34 pm October, 25 Douchble Helix said...

Put two and two together: DB1 has been jealous of the creative people responsible for The Room since forever. That’s why he has “something in the works” according to Girls Gone Wild.

3:50 pm October, 25 girlsgonewild said...

@Dude McCrudeshoes

we’re just about hot chicks, that’s it. not sure why you’d feel that way. and no, the founder no longer operates our company or brand.

4:31 pm October, 25 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

Them melons look ripe to me!

4:55 pm October, 25 DarkSock said...

That Hollywood sex article verifies what DW has been tellin’ us all along.

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Hey…where’s DW at??? He’s transmogrified off somewheres…

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Transmogrified, I says.

4:56 pm October, 25 DarkSock said...

My weenus deigns to write Pear Jazzle a letter. A protein letter. With the meat pen.

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Deigns, I says

4:57 pm October, 25 DarkSock said...

Smokey Largeman killed a bear once with a Slim Jim™

4:57 pm October, 25 DarkSock said...

Smokey Largeman™ uses crunchy peanut butter as lube.

4:58 pm October, 25 DarkSock said...

Smokey Largeman™ smokes Marlboro Dirt™

4:58 pm October, 25 DarkSock said...

Smokey Largeman™ has an ottoman covered in his foreskin. And he’s uncircumcised. Son(s).

4:59 pm October, 25 DarkSock said...

Smokey Largeman™ keeps a thriving deer tick farm on his scrotum for in-movie snacks.

4:59 pm October, 25 DarkSock said...

Smokey Largeman™ things Magic Jack Plus™ is a budget lube.

4:59 pm October, 25 DarkSock said...

Smokey Largeman™ farts grapes into low orbit.

5:00 pm October, 25 DarkSock said...

Smokey Largeman™ uses billiard balls as ben-wa’s.

5:21 pm October, 25 Wheezer said...

Stev (3:07 p.m.) has a point:

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http://www.sitiosargentina.com.ar/imagenes-2009/maria-patrica-montoya-3.jpg

5:21 pm October, 25 Wheezer said...

Actually, so does ^Steve.

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Proofreaders

6:47 pm October, 25 DoucheyWallnuts said...

That dame in the banner photo has some nice Sweater Ham.

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Smokey Largeman and the Miracles coulda had a career in the music racket, but he ate them.

7:03 pm October, 25 Douchble Helix said...

That Cher can really pull the ‘bags for an old gal.

7:26 am October, 26 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Smokey Largeman eats 40 oz. steaks for snacks.

7:30 am October, 26 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

DB1’s gotta do what he’s gotta do. His people keep on trucking.

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http://wejew.com/media/2327/Monster_Truck_Show_Israel_Style/

11:50 am October, 26 Douchble Helix said...

Landsman’s gotta make a living, Rev.

1:22 am October, 27 Guid is Good said...

They laughed at The Melon Tester when he said he got a QA job at du Pont. Who’s laughing now?

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