Monday, December 2, 2013

Hanz and Brigitte's Wild Sunday Afternoon

PrinceOfPompoos2

8:00am — Arise to the pulsing sounds of techno-Wagner

8:12am — Shave all untoward hairs that might have grown during sleep time.

8:47am — Seven minute abs. Complete in five minutes.

8:53am – 9:48am — Shower, steam, sauna, groin-shave.

10:00am — Matching mani-pedis at the Gunterstrassen Nail Salon.

11:15am — Mint juleps and waffles brunch at Luftwaffle House.

12:41pm — Suppress traumatic memories of family history and legacy that remain unrecorded by subsequent trials and investigations

12:42pm — Reflect with fondness the dulcet pumping baseline of Avecii’s Wake Me Up.

2:01pm-6:23pm — Oysters

# posted by douchebag1
1:32 pm December, 2 Wheezer said...

Boss, what the hell did we do to you? Enough!

1:34 pm December, 2 Wheezer said...

6:24 p.m. – He starts browsing dresssox.com

.

(Do NOT go to that site…..I’m still scarred years after accidentally clicking a link for it.)

1:41 pm December, 2 WillieHorton said...

“Luftwaffle House” – LOL!!!!!

1:58 pm December, 2 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Drag Queen Billy Mays wants you to pitch to him. They’re having mimosas with amyl nitrate sidecars.

Spooge Zorbeez

1:58 pm December, 2 Vin Douchal said...

Everytime Db1 posts a photo of this shit target , just wash the image from your mind with THIS

2:03 pm December, 2 Vin Douchal said...

I’m getting a little nauseous realizing that DB1’s gonna drop a shirtless shot of Hanz soon.

2:10 pm December, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“2:01pm-6:23pm — Oysters”

.

Thanks Boss. Are you talking his oyster or hers? Either way, yeeeeeech!

2:18 pm December, 2 ChoadtheDoucheSprocket said...

Immutable Music Rule #64: The quality of the music is inversely proportional to the amount of flames shooting from the stage.

2:25 pm December, 2 The Dude said...

~Luftwaffle~ created a keyboard and monitor problem here. Now I must watch Under the Tuscan Sun and commit a cock sneeze watching the One who got away.

2:32 pm December, 2 purpledrank said...

Where are Mason Verger’s trained pigs when you need them?

2:42 pm December, 2 Tequilla Sundouche said...

Vin Douchal… thank you for the THIS. It saved me.

2:45 pm December, 2 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Lawrence Taylor fucked Uncle Fester?

2:50 pm December, 2 Vin Douchal said...

Orange blouse in back can’t quite locate source of burning flesh mixed with Aqua Velva stench

3:12 pm December, 2 Et Tu Douche? said...

sprechen sie deuche?

3:24 pm December, 2 The Dude said...

onamuttipeeya?

4:20 pm December, 2 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

This guy makes the lemon party guys look positively heterosexual.

5:46 pm December, 2 DixieRecht said...

Mom? Is this who you vacationed with after leaving dad?

6:59 pm December, 2 Troy Tempest said...

He wears vinyl underpants.

7:27 pm December, 2 Capt. James T. Douche said...

That’s not eggs benedict in his beard!

Vendi, Vidi, Avicii… I came I saw I douched

8:41 pm December, 2 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

Vin! Your link FTW! Thank you!

9:29 pm December, 2 Douchble Helix said...

Look at him! He’s a poofter!

10:00 pm December, 2 Ted Brogan said...

Thanks Vin Douchal! That was correct and necessary.

11:39 pm December, 2 Jacques Doucheteau said...

This guy is automatic Douchebag of the week.

.

I know we don’t do that anymore ’round here, but we do for this week. And this guy is it.

11:57 pm December, 2 Jacques Doucheteau said...

In fact, let’s just get the 2013 Douchies out of the way right now since I know it’s not going to happen this year (Lesson for all you single guys out there, this is what having kids will do to you. Shattered dreams and ruined aspirations clouded by the instinctual urge to devote your entire existence caring for a diseased little human grub that pukes on you, doesn’t know how to shit in a toilet, and once it learns how to do so will tell you to go fuck yourself and leave home, only to return with a little shit grub of its own that you’ll be taking care of half the time because “I gotta go to work and Rob’s being a dick and fucking some skank so I’m not letting him have the little brat this week”, and will still stick your aging ass in some shit-cheap old-folks home because they don’t feel like wiping your ass once you can’t control your bowels anymore, so you’re left to die in a puddle of your own piss and septic bed sores while they argue with their siblings about who gets your TV).

.

Uuuhhhh…where was I? Oh yeah.

,b>I know officially kick off HotChicksWithDouchebags.com 2013 Douchies!!!! (applause)

.

Every Category: Hanz, aka The Prince of Pompoos

.

There you go. See you all again next year for the 2014 Douchies, which will consist of no entries, no finalists, and definitely no amusing quips in the comments section. Just a couple of us old diehards refusing to let the poor old site die an honorable death as we hark back to the “good old days” of 2008-2010, when the Samurai Scrote thread topped 10,000…when Sergeant Scrote Stain would grace us with his witty observations and one liners…when Dicy showed us a picture of her cotton panty clad ass…when Medusa DIDN’T show us a picture of her ass…and when the peeing in horses jokes were still funny.

.

I’m going to bed, fuck you all.

12:03 am December, 3 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Thank you for that gif, Vin. I can’t count how many times over I watched that loop.

.

In repayment, I give you THIS.

12:06 am December, 3 The Dude said...

^do NOT click on it!^ LMFAO it’s not just a mistake, it’s a Jacquesteak

12:06 am December, 3 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Sorry, wrong one.

.

12:07 am December, 3 Jacques Doucheteau said...

THIS

12:18 am December, 3 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Honest injun.

4:08 am December, 3 Douchesdownunder said...

Like Mary Shelley’s monster, someone has stitched him together. He is a composite of so many (wrong) things.

4:56 am December, 3 Douchble Helix said...

Fuckin’ Jacques. I know better, and yet…

5:28 am December, 3 Dickie Fingers said...

Someone tried to flush an oversized pompoos and now the entire Glockler is clogged.

5:49 am December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^What Jacques said!

6:24 am December, 3 FredN. said...

Slow golf clap for Jacques.

6:48 am December, 3 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Killing Hipsters

10:32 am December, 3 Scroteophobic said...

Can I for one say that while this guy will sweep many of the awards Golden globes, Hottest librarian hot, Girl next door – these are all ones that I don’t want to see evidence for. I’d rather he didn’t win them but if the alternative is seeing him with pushed up moobs in a plaid skirt and librarian glasses… Just spare us that, please.

11:31 am December, 3 Sir Douche said...

He has a fine jeweler.

3:14 pm December, 4 Theo the Kraut said...

Fellow German perv* here; actually, he’s gay. Check out his boyfriend and business partner (aged 65!):

https://www.google.com/search?q=Glööckler+Dieter+Schroth

They’re together since about 20 years. Optically he’s a nightmare and so are the clothes, doilies, and whatnot he peddles, mostly on QVC. Yet, though he certainly is a wacko of magnitude, in interviews he turns out to be quite a genial fellow, unpretentious and ready to mock himself, not dumb at all. Sacha Baron Cohen visited him before doing “Bruno”–Glööckler didn’t mind. He had a tough childhood (go figure) and now wants to live life to the fullest, wacko style. He doesn’t hurt me (as I look the other way when his likeness is around**) and he doesn’t really pilfer the chicks, so I think he merits a pass of sorts.

* not really, but by virtue of being a kraut I seem to qualify over here, so have that too, star spangled nancy boys.

** not so easy, as he even sells stuff in German hardware stores, yuck!

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