Monday, December 16, 2013

Lawrence Winterbourne the IV Inherited His Fortune

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Lawrence Winterbourne the IV is very, very rich.

He likes to remind you of this fact by spending exhorbitant fortunes on shoes and dinner parties.

At those dinner parties, Lawrence Winterbourne the IV speaks loudly about the crisis of gumption and can-do work ethnic among today’s immigrants and working classes.

Over port wine and beluga caviar, Lawrence Winterbourne the IV will expound at length about the crucial importance for today’s poorer classes to take any job available. To save every dollar. To prove their merit as only a meritocracy can. Through a strong work ethic.

Only then will they achieve success.

Like Lawrence Winterbourne the IVth did.

Well, his father did.

Well, his father’s father. Sort of.

But it’s the same thing.

Work hard and you will be rewarded!

Sit around and ask for a handout, and you’re a lazy-ass who deserves everything you get.

For Lawrence Winterbourne the IV really has your best interests at heart. He just wants to teach you a lesson about the realities of life. Especially among those of you struggling to pay your rent and feed your kids.

For Lawrence Winterbourne the IV is what I like to call the Aristocroscrote.

But for every tax shelter that Lawrence Winterbourne the IV sets up in the Carribbean, there’s an uberhott Debutante Debbie willing to vest his stocks.

And that, my friends, is one of the great tragedies of our time.

# posted by douchebag1
7:25 am December, 16 Crazed Aborigine said...

Oh MAN is she hot. Like seriously, look at those gams!

7:57 am December, 16 UFO Destroyers said...

Why would Bronson Pinchot’s gayer half-brother ever be in a picture on this site? Especially one that is trying to be a Dior styled photo. Now, I can understand our CharlezeTheron stand-in featured in any picture she wants. Most Expensive First Date Hott nominee if I ever saw one.

7:58 am December, 16 DoucheyWallnuts said...

At least he isn’t going to shopping malls and shooting people to steal their Range Rovers.

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Boy I’d like to fuck her…

8:01 am December, 16 Olddog1 said...

I don’t know about this, The man can’t even afford to buy socks.

8:30 am December, 16 Dr Magnifico said...

Deep down I’ll bet she’s very shallow, although I’d still let my RenoB be branded by her Plimsoll line money maker.

Or something.

Faaarrrrrrkkkkkkk you Lawrence Winterbourne the IV!!!!!

8:39 am December, 16 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Just like a tale out of Dickens, it is

9:20 am December, 16 Charles Douchewin said...

This, boys, turns the site on its head. I’m, at least, upended.

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This is DBwHC.

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He’s with HER.

He’s the accessory.

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An hour ago, she got off air-transport from 36 hours of directing, while performing emergency pediatric surgery in a Syrian hospital under fire.

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Moments ago, she walked out of her global-poverty fundraiser, whose proceeds make Melinda Gates look like a salvation army worker.

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Next, she’ll be receiving the Paris Review’s “Terry Southern + John Train Prize for Humor”, for her book “She licked her lips, then looked away.”

James Cameron will not get the autographed copy he expects.

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Later tonight, she’ll THINK about returning that sext from Richard Branson.

9:22 am December, 16 Jacques Doucheteau said...

UFO Destroyers was all over the obvious Bronson Pinchot comparison. I salute you, sir.

9:23 am December, 16 The Dude said...

Winterbone is a very lucky little twit.

9:48 am December, 16 Vin Douchal said...

What’re you gonna do? Say, “No thanks, dad, I’m going to strike it on my own.”

Even famous children like Stella McCartney, Ivanka Trump or even say Drew Barrymore took the lessons learned from their parentsand became successful on their own, after they grew up on their parents money of course.

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Hate the douchebag don’t hate the money. Don’t begrudge their wealth simply because someone earned it at one time. Wouldn’t all of us like to set up our families for generations?

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Hippiethink

10:07 am December, 16 Findertweet said...

Vin,

DB1 is not dismissing those who got a leg up via birth (though the Trump example may be worth examining at another time). He is talking about those who were born on third base and honestly believe that they hit a triple.

Take Donald Trump, the crazy moronic buffoon who has lost millions. He inherited $40 million dollars from his daddy and still makes out like he’s some self-made genius. He isn’t. He was lucky. If he said, “You know what? I was lucky,” that would be one thing. But no. He preaches and pontificates and bloviates.

In their hearts of hearts, guys who inherited like Trump can’t face that the fact that they were lucky so they have to create a fiction whereby they “deserved” or “earned” it while those fortunate it are, of course, lesser. It is nonsense. Show some humility. Show some — gasp! — compassion.

That is what DB1 is talking about. Whenever you hear some rich Twat Waffle go on and on about lifting up by the bootstraps and not being afraid of handwork, dollars to donuts it isn’t a self-made man but their pampered offspring. Self-made men get how luck and fate had a hand in what they do. They are humble. They know that there but the grace of God go thee.

10:29 am December, 16 FoghornLeghorn said...

She’s so hot, she accessorizes with douchebags.

10:29 am December, 16 FoghornLeghorn said...

She’s so hot, Lawrence’s shoes suck socks.

10:29 am December, 16 FoghornLeghorn said...

She’s so hot, her grout lines are perfect.

10:55 am December, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

What Vin said. And she would go at about $5,000/night, no cum in mouth or anal.

11:46 am December, 16 Charles Douchewin said...

By the Rev’s price scale, or any other, I hand out the 2021 Douchie for “Most expensive first date Hott” to Dr. Xenia Onatopp, here.

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I’d attend the awards ceremony, but my tee-shirt tux is still at the cleaners.

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And by cleaners, I mean your Mom’s.

12:40 pm December, 16 bigphatnotadouche said...

He’s the paid escort, she is one with all the money…

3:45 pm December, 16 Guid is Good said...

My wallet is $200 lighter and I just looked at her picture. No wonder Lawrence Winterbourne the IV can’t afford socks.

5:14 pm December, 16 purpledrank said...

Fuck my life.

9:39 am December, 17 jonezy said...

I think he’s actually a magistrate at the ministry of funny walks

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