Thursday, December 26, 2013

Reader Mail: Charlie Objects to My Tribute to Al Goldstein

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As you enjoy your post-Christmas festivus, the following came over the HCwDB wire.

When the iconoclastic publisher of Screw Magazine died last week at 77, I posted this eulogy, which I thought was pretty fair to who he was.

Reader Charlie disagrees, and then takes issue with my methods of self pleasuring:

———-

Once again you celebrate the looser – the piece of crap you would not want taking pictures of your own wife daughter or mother – but are happy to let victimize someone else.

Your anger and frustration is fueled by your own failure.

Clearly you write like you masturbate in that you have a chronic need to please yourself. Maybe if you were not so certain you know it all you may actually engage and change people – even yourself. Hysterically telling people they are idiots because they believe in God, as you often do, sets a standard that reflects poorly on your own intellectual capacity since the question of who or what created the creator or necessary components of creation are equally subjective to some people; neither science or faith can be absolutely proven by either party. Yet when someone professes faith in a system you reject your protest is so obnoxious and reflexive it becomes clear you are truly pathetic, lost, scared and alone.

A look at your other works makes the view into your vacuous cranium quite clear. Shifting between writing angry and abusive comments about women while offering peaks up their skirts or denigrating soft white targets is easy; living and loving is a bit harder.

I think you are a lucky punk. My guess is in a different time and place, before technology, you would be the mumbling fool, writing on napkins in greasy spoons and talking to himself – wiggling your legs back and forth because you tell yourself you have to go to the bathroom, and maybe you do, but let’s be honest you are really doing it simply because you like the way it feels: CREEP.

————

Absolutely not true. In a different time and place, I would be writing on napkins in clean spoons.

# posted by douchebag1
7:30 am December, 26 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Charlie’s harshing my buzz. I don’t think DB1 attacks beliefs. After all he lets a drunken, Irish Catholic, agnostic, hookers-banging, former mental patient, pill popping, depressed, offspring hating, dope smoking, lost drivers license, ranting reverend run amok. But I know he doesn’t call people loosers.

.

This should cheer you up. I’ma getting stoned.

.

http://vimeo.com/31226953

8:31 am December, 26 Dr Magnifico said...

I read this and my stool suddenly becomes looser. It’s morning here so this is a good thing.

8:34 am December, 26 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

All I can really gather from this is sexuality is bad because for the following reasons: 1) god 2)???

8:34 am December, 26 Dr Magnifico said...

Reader Charlie is # 26 on the GQ list of Least Influential People. Hang loose, Chucky … There’s always next year!

8:39 am December, 26 Vin J Douchal said...

Hungover Channel Surfing with Vin

.

Military Cunt, Fox Bombast

Some sorta Naval brass

Like to bend over that uptight ginch

And ram one up her ass

.

Smug film critic spouting

Crap ’bout flicks I’ll never see

Wonder how his gay twat balls

Would react to a swift knee

.

Showtime devoted two stations

to Bad Santa and Elf all day

Found the spot when Billy Bob

Gives Lauren’s teats some play

.

Pussy, cunt, fuckwad, moron

Dude that pees in the yard

Whining baby, cuntrag mom

It’s my in-laws roll call card

.

Time to leave , you leeches

It’s an 80 degree day

I’m gonna pass out in the park

So my little guy can play

.

Maybe he’ll find a needle

Or a small caliber shell casing

There’s be a dozen used rubbers

And confetti from a tazing

.

Ah, there’s a sip of Crown

Still left at the bottom

To get me through the cleaning

Of inconsiderately placed flotsam

.

.

.

And women everywhere thank Charlie for being their spokeshole. Charlie vs Db1? Put it on MSNBC, they like hair pulling/teeth gnashing liberal debates……. zzzzzz … snore ..zzz

8:56 am December, 26 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Now that Christmas is over, it’s time for a mind numbing week of best and worst lists, who died famous, and re-blogging the set of mindless predictions 5 trillion times. All leading up to that androgonite Ryan Seacrest and the dessicated corpse of Dick Clarke hosting a bunch of lipsyncing and thinly veiled plugs for bands and television shows.

9:14 am December, 26 Dickie Fingers said...

Since DW has not stopped by yet, let me be the first to call reader Charlie a cunt.

9:52 am December, 26 Tits McGee said...

i, for one, will speak in support of Charlie…

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it takes a lot of self control to make it all the way to the “v” synonyms when cruising thesaurus.com in order to appear intelligent.

.

i should know; im quite sagacious, myself…

10:33 am December, 26 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I offer peaks up women’s skirts. They don’t like the look of my peak, so I am most often spurned.

10:56 am December, 26 Dr Magnifico said...

I often peek at twin peaks, but around around this greasy spoon they’re known as boobies.

11:37 am December, 26 The Dude (remote loc) said...

Charlie must be on the side of faith-based reasoning. He didn’t read the comment about Goldstein that went something like “what a useless sack of dogshit”.

.

Charlie probably defended the Duck Dynasty guy’s right to say some useless homophobic shit on A & E (no Rev – that most certainly doesn’t stand for whatever you think it stands for!) yet he chooses to complain here. And you not only tolerated it, you posted it for proper mockery.

.

Charlie was right about one thing, boss – you’re most certainly a lucky punk! :)

12:27 pm December, 26 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

The problem is not with what ZZ Top said on Duck Dynasty, whether he had a right to say it, or who defends or attacks this supposed right…

.

The problem, son, is that we live in a society where watching semi-literate people on the idiot box is the new porn.

.

Everything resulting is just the first world frottering itself on the corpse of civilization. Spend a couple of months in Nepal or Cambodia and see what the rest of the world worries about. It ain’t what color Santa puts his present in Megyn Kelly’s panties.

12:45 pm December, 26 Vin Douchal said...

Megyn Kelly wears no panties

12:47 pm December, 26 Vin Douchal said...

And, Patti Anne Browne wears no bra

12:54 pm December, 26 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I see what you did there, Vin. Trying to non sequitur my ceremonial end of the year rage-stroke. It nearly worked, but Megyn is a bit too supermarket brand vanilla yogurt to distract me.

.

Behold, newsbabes Melessa and Kristie Lu:

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http://images.askmen.com/galleries/model/melissa-theuriau/pictures/melissa-theuriau-picture-4.jpg

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http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y241/CNNMan/blueKristieLu-1.jpg

1:51 pm December, 26 Vin Douchal said...

Yeah, that reminds of a funny story. It involves ample breasted Fox business reporter Liz Clayman. The firey redhead was talking about something then did THIS

.

.

I’d like to attribute it to my supreme mind control when I , using my mighty, lead penetrating brainwaves , commanded her to show me her tits.

.

Doubt insued however when after the commercial break she wasn’t spread eagle on the the news desk with a cucumber in her biznatch and Louisville Slugger being inserted repeatedly in her bungus by thong clad fellow anchcor woman, Kimberly Guilfoyle , herself being diddled and licked by Ainsley Earhardt

.

Thankfully, the interwebs caught the first part

2:09 pm December, 26 darksock said...

Wait…napkins and spoons came AFTER the Age of Steam.

.

Hence Chuck’s comments are invalid.

.

Not sure how to access the site dashboard from my child’s computer here in California so’s I can do Friday Haiku, nor am I sure of the ethical fall-out from doing so. And by “ethical” I mean the Former Mrs. Sock finding out I’m hacking the young Sock’s laptop he got for Christmas so’s i can visit this site.

.

Son(s).

2:35 pm December, 26 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Thanks to Vin’s links, I just had a Wet Daydream in which Megyn Kelly was engaged in frottage with Megyn Kelly, thus soiling my BVDs. Frottage, I says.

.

And while it seems natural to call reader Charlie a cunt, me thinks it’s unfair to Cunts. The Charlies of the world think themselves superior because they believe in the imaginary and have “faith,” when all it is is a sophisticated superstition. “Religion and God are bunk,” they say, ” then so is science.” As if just because they are beyond comprehending the realities of science, they can reduce science to their infantile fealty to the all-knowing being who at he’s over us and created every thing that is.

2:37 pm December, 26 DoucheyWallnuts said...

^ should read, “watches over us and created…”

.

Btw, if there were a God, spell check and auto correct would work better.

3:12 pm December, 26 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

If there is no higher power, who created “Crazy Uncle Kentucky Mint Julip” in a jug. It wasn’t fucking me I tell ya.

.

And I second the cunt.

3:13 pm December, 26 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Assholes and Enemas

3:18 pm December, 26 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Fuck I hate my brother. He’s got a new 29-ish girlfriend that texted him the following while i was using his Blackberry shit at Boxing Day (Respek) brunch.

.

“I just had the wildest orgasm fingering myself in the shower thinking about you. I loved the way you fucked my ass…..:). I think my nipples are still bruised.”

3:46 pm December, 26 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I got that text, too…

4:04 pm December, 26 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Sorry, I must have put in the wrong number

4:15 pm December, 26 Wheezer said...

Thanks for sharing that text message, Rev. Now I gotta look at that pic of Perky Camille again and celebrate “Boxing My Clown Day.”

4:45 pm December, 26 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

HaHa stooooned

9:39 pm December, 26 Ted Brogan said...

I couldn’t read past the first sentence, but I can only imagine that the rest of Charlie’s message has the same quality. Great job!

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