Tuesday, December 10, 2013
The Greasepitzer and Eve Find Love in a Country Music Song
Waves are crashin’ on the seashore…
I stand around and rub my pee sore …
How all this time I was rehashin’…
The joys of love, the pains of groin rashin’…
And so I flex these pecs and pat tatts!!…
To honor the purity of her glute matts…
For life’s a game of getting paid to pose…
At weddings, Bar Mitvahs, and numerous trade shows in the greater Chicago area…
— “My Lonely Heart Is a Hot Chick and a Douchebag” by Garth Pitz
Girl Guide Cookies is the new Durban Poison.
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I’ll save Jacques the trouble and pronounce this the 2013 Guggenheim Winner.
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The image of these two pustules burned against a clear and lovely pastel sunset is like an angry, oozing genital blister defiling the pure and virtuous taint of Julie Andrews in the original “Sound of Music.”
Which begs the question, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
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Valtrex
Loose the hat, for christsakes!
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And in keeping with the theme of other inappropriately dressed douchebags at the beach.
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Sorry there, all you tricky dick lovers.
How many delicious fish in that beautiful ocean died from this greasey fucck’s fuccen grease? Stop the insanity
where is a tsunami when you need one ?
Can’t a big shark swim up and take him for a ride?
She must be special.
The Greasepitzer looks like one of those mangy pelicans that washed up after BP went to town on it in the Gulf of Mexico. Where is the EPA when you really need them?
Ho-lee mo-lee, look at her!
Shark? Sharkeisha.
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And just off in the distance an out-of -control speedboat is racing towards the shore piloted by a drunken hero ready to make a difference in the world.
A swimming monkey?
Quick, call the Coast Guard! There’s an oil slick out on the beach! Come for the hottie in danger, stay for the side boob.
The latest debris to wash ashore from the Japanese tsunami… Slugzilla. Radio”Axe”tive breath!
He still has his stupid Compton hat on. Good monkey!