Wednesday, December 4, 2013

The Greasepitzer and Eve read Shakespeare

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“Life’s but a walking D.J, a poor playah, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by a douchebag and hot chick, full of sound and fury, signifying dubstep.”

# posted by douchebag1
1:20 pm December, 4 DoucheyWallnuts said...

These are not real people, but statues at Madame Doucheaude’s Wax Douche Nauseum Museum.

1:38 pm December, 4 UFO Destroyers said...

Shouldn’t Eve be a contender in the Best Golden Globes category?

1:45 pm December, 4 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Is there a Compton is North Dakota?

1:50 pm December, 4 The Dude said...

Nespressimo.

1:52 pm December, 4 The Dude said...

Shouldn’t Eve be a contender in Most Likely to Make Me Spontaneously bust a nut?

1:55 pm December, 4 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Shouldn’t Eve be a contender in Most Likely to be Motorboated?

1:56 pm December, 4 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Shouldn’t Eve be a contender in Most Likely to Have Me Jizz on My Keyboard?

1:57 pm December, 4 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Compton ? Bah ! This tool would soil his panties if he got within a mile of the hood. Is Greasepitzer in the Hall of Scrote ? I’m thinking he needs to be.

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And yeah Eve got some breeding hips on her, but this honey badger don’t give a shit. I’d hit that hard all night long.

2:02 pm December, 4 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I’d love to see Greasepitzer smacked around by this douche

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And fuck you all.

2:13 pm December, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^That was retarded. Pumpito laughs at this freak.

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And fuck you all.

2:19 pm December, 4 Vin Douchal said...

“Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.”

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Billy Shakes says, “And fucketh Thineself, one and all”

2:21 pm December, 4 Vin Douchal said...

I’d like to fill Eve’s naval with my creamy secret sauce. Whether she was conscious or not

2:32 pm December, 4 Capt. James T. Douche said...

“To thine own self be douchey and jizzeth upon endowed Bleeths golden, receptive bossom”

2:34 pm December, 4 Capt. James T. Douche said...

What I’d like to do with Eve does involve chloroform… Chloroform to eliminate Greasebag from this unholy equation and make off with Eve.

2:35 pm December, 4 Capt. James T. Douche said...

I took a hot, liquidy shit the other day that looked like this clown.

2:40 pm December, 4 Capt. James T. Douche said...

He remind me of these things we found on Janus VI.

http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Horta?file=Horta.jpg

2:51 pm December, 4 The Dude said...

Wow, Donnie Brah!smond is aging well. Must be all that milk and Mormon upbringing. And milk.

2:53 pm December, 4 DarkSock said...

Technically, Hanz, aka The Prince of Pompoos won the Golden Globes Douchies Category.

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But she was a contender, no doubt.

2:55 pm December, 4 Guid is Good said...

The Greasepitzer was actually the fourth wise man but was bumped for only bringing an Axe body spray gift pack. The parable is written on his right tit to remind people.

3:08 pm December, 4 The Dude said...

I’ve taken shits look cuter than this Greasetattzer guy.

3:49 pm December, 4 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Verily doth thy douche through yon window breakest thoust wind?

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.Let’s all talk in Shakespearean English for the rest of the year….okay guys?

3:49 pm December, 4 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Okay…..maybe not.

3:52 pm December, 4 The Dude said...

I’m considering to name my next pet Jizzeth. Poor thing.

4:18 pm December, 4 Douchble Helix said...

She’s casting the Muslim Eye Of Coitus upon me.

5:30 pm December, 4 DouceYouWannaDance said...

Eve as seen in “One Word Tuesday” below with hair in a bun: 4

Eve as seen in this photo with hair down and hot dress: HoH contender.

Amazing how much damage “hair buns” can do.

5:41 pm December, 4 Et Tu Douche? said...

“You can’t spend your life on the dance floor. Eventually you have to stop dancing and face reality,”

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Don Letts

http://www.goldminemag.com/article/filmmaker-don-letts-reflects-legacy-clash

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Sandanistas

6:39 pm December, 4 Guid is Good said...

How douche art thou? Let me count the ways.

6:40 pm December, 4 Guid is Good said...

To douche or to douche? There is no question.

6:43 pm December, 4 Guid is Good said...

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?

It is the east, and Eve and a Greasepitzer block out the sun.

12:37 am December, 5 Jacques Doucheteau said...

What the fuck is this shit? NOW everyone’s on board for the Douchies and spouting some fuck-you-all-isms like neurotic parakeets jacked up on Ambien? Weird times, man.

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Alright, fine. That’s the way we’re playing it? Let’s go.

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I will commence to single handedly (the other hand is currently “busy”) give out the rest of the 2014 Douchie awards one day at a time…even though Hanz has technically won every category. But I’ve never been one for technical crap. Mocking is an art form, not a science.

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Wait, no…. Mocking is a science, not an art from. Er…or is it an art, not a science form?

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What the fuck ever.

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The Greasiest Greasepit: The Greasepitzer

I don’t know when they started using pig lard turned black from mold as tattoo ink to save a couple cents on materials and labor, but this nut-wad made the biggest mistake of his life going for the economy version of “hey, write about 2 to 50 paragraphs of some deep sounding shit on my chest. The ladies will dig some deep sounding words on my chest, brah!” Haven’t you ever watched the X-Files? That black oil will fuck you up like it did to Krycek. Except that you’re a way bigger tool and no one will give a crap when you sew your eyes shut. Nice Compton hat too. Please go there while wearing the stupid shit your wearing. At this point in my life I need to watch grown men crying for their mommy while they bleed to death from .45 wounds to the abdomen for any semblance of entertainment. The pigmy donkey-scat porn on wildzoosex.com just ain’t doing it for me anymore.

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Best Golden Globes: Eve

Not to say she has the best bristols we’ve seen all year, but they’re certainly the best I’m looking at right now…in this particular browser tab at the very moment. Okay, so they’re a little saggy, but who gives a rip? Those cream sacks have a nice hefty, squishy, vibrant form to them. Like two weasels fighting in a gunny sack, they spurn the imagination to wonderful fantasy lands full of gum drop teddy bears and AR-15s. I would jackhammer those jubblies ’til my pecker gets all knotted and deformed from Peyronie’s disease.

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That’s it for today. Stay tuned tomorrow (maybe) for more of Jacques Doucheteau’s 2014 Douchies.

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Oh, and fuck you all.

12:48 am December, 5 Jacques Doucheteau said...

And yes…I said “2014 Douchies”. Because tomorrow will actually be the 2015 Douchies. Because I said so. So fuck off for the 1996 Douchies, happening a fortnight from the night before last.

1:33 am December, 5 Wheezer said...

This is about as “21 Douchestreet” as the Greasepitz gets…..

5:30 am December, 5 Dickie Fingers said...

This should be fun.

Oh, and fuck you all.

9:30 am December, 5 The Dude said...

I hate everything, and especially everything.

Oh, and fuck you all.

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Happy Holidays!!

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