Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Breaking: San Francisco Quarterback Colin Kaepernick is a Douchechoad

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For those of you who follow football, Colin Kaepernick is an icon of Millennial generation pathos, detachment, disassociation, and video game doofusery.

But now we also have irrefutable proof.

Colin Kaepernick is also a choadfondle.

The Awkward Years blog is on the scene. Tracking the development of this sportspud from innocent young suburbanite to hard partying Vegasian rich-and-famous scrote clown.

So whether you’re a fan of football or not, mocking must commence. Immediately. Lest the excesses of woo!, stupidtatt, hand gestures, and tilted baseball cap continue in presence of bikini hotties at various cookouts in the greater North Bay area.

# posted by douchebag1
10:33 am January, 14 Marc Marton said...

I considered Kaepernick a douchebag when he hit the scene last year. He screwed up with the tats, but he certainly could have shaved the chin fung and curved his hat brim to lessen the choadian persona.

10:51 am January, 14 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I really hope that “substance” on his chest is the result of pink top/black shorts letting go of a massive queef after she just banged all his teammates in the locker room. Yellow hat smells what The Rock is cooking and she ain’t havin’ none of it. He on the other hand just thinks it’s Thursday.

11:56 am January, 14 The Dude said...

I can’t wait for football season to be over. What a putz.

12:36 pm January, 14 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

I agree with Marc… those tattoos alone lets us know this picture was coming our way. He’s a douche and I will be happy when he loses his house after “investing” in a ponzi scheme.

12:39 pm January, 14 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

I’ve been a Niner fan since John Brodie was slinging the sphere to Jon Arnett (or was it Ken Willard?), but C.K.’s regrettable choices in body adornment and haberdashery do give one pause.
.
.You would think at his level of the sport (and business) he would receive counsel to stop looking and acting like he’s still in college. (I’ve also heard some NFL announcers say he can cop an attitude and be rude to the media as part of his “game face” persona.)
.
.In other words, he has a lot of growing up to do+

1:24 pm January, 14 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

I’ve heard his parents defend him by saying that he is deeply religious and spiritual and just misunderstood. But I guess that’s what parents do.
.
Above pic and Awkward Years thing pretty much paint him as a complete tool. But he’s big, fast and can throw a football, so he’s got that going for him.

2:38 pm January, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

NFC West Douchery has been going on since Joe Montana shaved his balls to make his dick look bigger beside Jerry Rice. Michelle Obama has thighs like Sequoias and an ass like a Sea Cow. The girl from Hooters would be more than welcome to join Mrs. Kroeger in servitude to the penis. I dig the Mulatto brunettes and shit. So three douchebags and Peyton Manning make it to the Champs weekend….and all I want is an All Madden team show. He was a fat douche too. Fuck it. No Superbowl party this year.
.
Pass the Percs

3:18 pm January, 14 Vin Douchal said...

There is only one supreme being QB in the NFL and his name is Thomas Edward Patrick Fucking Brady
.
.
“Kaep” is an exciting player, yes. But Jeff Reed has probably met his douchelganger.
.
I like this kid’s game but he is a twat off the field.

3:19 pm January, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Did you know Kevin Youkilis is married to one of Brady’s sisters? Now you do. Son

3:27 pm January, 14 Vin Douchal said...

BTW, this chick is HOT AS BALLS

3:54 pm January, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Time to make this place sing. Let’s get it on dudes.
.

I’ll go first
.
Koont Mc Dinglebrush

3:55 pm January, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Gasious Stenchworth

3:55 pm January, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Dikoff Chopington

3:56 pm January, 14 Vin Douchal said...

I got’s the good vicodin for a hamstring pull. I love Obamacare

3:56 pm January, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Whizzy Cupsworth

3:57 pm January, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Nitzy Tattotally

4:06 pm January, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Scritch Bugnutt

4:07 pm January, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Tinnips Hasslevitcz

4:08 pm January, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Bezos Amazonyan

4:17 pm January, 14 A said...

Vin Douchal said…
There is only one supreme being QB in the NFL and his name is Thomas Edward Patrick Fucking Brady
++++++++++++
I think Joseph Clifford Montana, Jr. says and proves otherwise.

As for Kaep, sadly all his money and fame can’t buy him class.

7:27 pm January, 14 Vin J Douchal said...

Swizzy Whizzlnad

8:37 pm January, 14 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Most NFL and NBA guys are over tatted, over indulged douchebags. They are so hip that they are square, as my good friend Huey Lewis liked to say.
.
That being said, whilst I’m not a big fan of Maria from USF and her duck face and J-Lo sensibility, I would give her the Knoxville Knuckle Fuck as we all know the Latinas are second to none when it comes to Servitude to the Penis.

4:39 am January, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I want the Obamacare Vin’s getting.

10:33 am January, 15 Capt. Canuck said...

Someone emptied a used condom onto his torso, but he obviously doesn’t realize it.

8:57 am January, 17 Ronnie James Diouche said...

I grew up and live in the Bay Area. I was lucky enough to have players like Joe Montana, Hacksaw Reynolds, Bubba Paris, Roger Craig, and Ronnie Lott to look up to…but now, it’s getting harder and harder to be a 9ers fan. First the Kaeperdouche and now the move to Santa Clara. Ugh. Wish this douche would go back to Turlock, where he belongs.

7:32 pm January, 19 Wheezer said...

KaeperDick will have to go get himself a new tatt: maybe a tear for his face for playing like a chump in the second half of the NFC Championship.

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