Friday, January 24, 2014

Friday Thoughts and Links

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Ah yes.

To Run with the Goose.

When douchewanks purchase overpriced alcohol and hold it in a phallic way to court the laziest and most inebriated of the female herd.

It’s like when bonobo chimps fling poo as part of ritual courting.

Economics can always be explained by the reproductive force. The more we desire to mate, the more rules can be put in place to extract cash through our efforts.

But that’s neither here nor there.

What is both here and there is Evil Yellow Sunball. Evil Yellow Sunball sees all. EYS often discusses the decline of our mating habits with Ubiquitous Red Cup. They concur. We suck.

Here’s yer links:

Your HCwDB buy some shit on Amazon to support the site link of the week: If you’re ever upset about an ex-girlfriend, imagine them like this in forty years.

Guy Fieri, featured here on HCwDB as a douchebag of the month back in 2008, and again in 2009 and as recently as last year, continues to contribute to the scrotation of the planet.

The push-up muscle shirt. For douchebags who want to get there the lazy way. Oh wait, it’s viral marketing. Damn you for stealing my shtick, Old Spice. Here’s another example.

Jews representin’.

But the hillbillies still hate us.

Best thing I’ve read all month: Grantland’s oral history of Swingers. Phenomenal.

Hungover? This doctor will flush you.

Be careful, part-time douchebags. The internets is watching.

The increasingly impressive Vice produces some genius local news headlines. It’s like Jay Leno’s headlines, only funny.

Okay, ’nuff of that, lets get to the tautness:

Laundrypear

It’s like doing a wash. Of your brain! Brainwash! Because you now lack the ability to think! Ha… heh.. heh.. okay, I go now.

# posted by douchebag1
1:02 pm January, 24 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I’d like to see a push-down cock shirt.
.
Laundry pear gave me the renoBs.

1:16 pm January, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d give Red a goose.
.
I knew some Jews who won every fight that came they’re way…usually by a block or two.
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Did I mention that it has been cold?

1:40 pm January, 24 Et Tu Douche? said...

Mmmm……………. Laundrypear, oh so slight HamDangle™ reveal is right on.

2:41 pm January, 24 WillieHorton said...

Guy Fieri Christmas Special:

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/guy-fieri-christmas-special/n44344/

3:16 pm January, 24 eyedouche said...

Laundry Pear. Nice tool box. I’d Black and Deck her…

4:36 pm January, 24 DoucheyWallnuts said...

So me and this guy Frankie Mittens was at Sinatra’s pad out there in Palm Springs at one a these big high-end parties he used to throw that all a these big shots came to, and we was peekin in all a the rooms and bein generally nosey when Frankie Mittens walks in on JFK gettin a blow job from Golda Meir. He was leanin up against a big old Billiards table and she was in a crouch like she was Yogi Berra, or some shit.
.
She was such an ugly broad that at first Mittens and me thought, “Holy Shit, the fuckin president is gettin head from a fuckin ugly guy!” But then when we saw them together later we realized it was the Jew broad who was Coppin JFK’s Joint. Coppin His Joint, I says.
.
We didn’t think Jack had seen us walk in on him and we just sidled on past him as he was orderin’ a Jack and Coke and waited our turn. As he gets his drink he looks at us and says in that Boston accent or whatever the fuck it’s called, “Err a you haven’t really gotten head until an Israeli broad blows you,” and he gives us a wink and walks away.
.
So Mittens was feelin the Martinis and figurin A) he ain’t never had the Israeli head 2) she was an ugly dame so he could score her and C) nailin’ the President a the Jews or whatever the fuck she was would be a nice notch on his belt.
.
Golda was chattin up Zero Mostel when Mittens walks over and introduces himself. Now Zero was a big fat sweaty fuck, and Frankie Mittens was a put together guy – no homo – who could go toe to toe with Kennedy in the looks department. 
.
Mittens puts the rap on Golda and starts BS-ing her about how much he loves Israel and supports them an all a that shit an the next thing I see is the two a them walkin off towards the same Billards room where Kennedy got his Derby Buffed. Derby Buffed, I says.
.
Long story short, she blew Mittens’s mind with her special brand of Israeli head. He said it never crossed his mind that an ugly dame that looked like an ugly guy was givin him skull. He tole me he tole her he had a friend who was interested. Me, I took a pass on the great head from an ugly broad.
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Later we was slingin the shit with Kennedy and he and Mittens was givin me shit about bein’ a prude. I tole Kennedy he could go fuck hisself and that I needed a blow job from an ugly broad like I needed a hole in my head.

4:29 pm January, 25 Wheezer said...

I’d like to tumble dry with Laundrypear.

12:10 pm January, 26 Douchble Helix said...

“Golda Meir looks like Tony Soprano with tits.”

12:12 pm January, 26 Douchble Helix said...

I saw Swingers when it was released for Theaters, at that place in Fairfax County Connecticut near the campus of some college.

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