Thursday, January 16, 2014

Reader Mail: The Tale of Milfy Bartender Woe

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Reader Gamecockbag writes in with a tale of milfy bartender woe:

————-
This girl bartended at a bar me and my friends used to frequent.

She quit working there a while ago and we all kind of forgot about her.

She’s now working at a bar around the corner from my house and has apparently gone from nice Southern girl to something resembling a character on the Jersey Shore.

She has also added a “gorilla” or “juice head” as they call them to go along with her new look. Damn shame.
————

But on the bright side, Gorillabag’s bicep Sanskrit does contain the Zoroastrian prayer for how to bless one’s knife before tanning a lambskin.

So if they’re ever caught in a desert, and need a lambskin properly prepared, they’ll know the blessing.

Just sayin’.

It’s not a likely scenario.

But it is possible.

# posted by douchebag1
11:30 am January, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Oprah Largeman catches a wiff of these two and fights back some bile

11:31 am January, 16 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The girl in the picture looks like something that washed up on the Jersey Shore.

11:50 am January, 16 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Cute.
.
So apparently this is a thing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=q6RZZf6HMzo

11:58 am January, 16 The Dude said...

His biceps are bigger than her head, and her tits are bigger than his head.
.
Symmetries

12:20 pm January, 16 Charles Douchewin said...

If Hollywood makes a epic drama of “John Henry” we could see this jabomp as an arm-double (they say jabomp, not Jamoke, in North Jersey).
.
.
Also, some cheeky Brit’s gone on and made the site you’ve all been thinking of: http://is-a-cunt.com/

12:22 pm January, 16 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Damn it ! Vin beat me to the Oprah joke.
.
And Vaginal Knitting girl in JD’s link seems really nice………nice and fucking bat shit crazy.

12:39 pm January, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Vaginal knitting? What’s next , wall art fashioned from collected human feces, small road kill , circumcised foreskin debris, used menstrual pads and cumstained Vegas hotel sheets?
.
.
Nevermind, that’s already been done

1:03 pm January, 16 DoucheyWallnuts said...

So, is Performance Art simply taking a lunatic, letting them have at it, and then calling it art or a performance?
.
Also, would it be better if she were Hott and insane instead of simply insane? I think so.
.
“Merry Christmas, that’s a Cunt Sweater, by the way. Knitted by an Aussie crazy person. She pulls the wool out of her cunt as she knits. Isn’t that special?”

1:54 pm January, 16 Et Tu Douche? said...

Whos prom are they crashing and why?

1:58 pm January, 16 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

This has always been my favorite piece of performance art ever:
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdZ9weP5i68
.
That’s some real bona fide talent goin’ on there. Then again maybe I’m a heathen and just don’t “get it”.

2:00 pm January, 16 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Et Tu
.
DeVry went crazayzee this year and rented the Jiffy Lube’s garage next door for their celebration of all the “applicants” checks clearing.

2:02 pm January, 16 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I’ll beat Meat here has every-fuccen-thing imaginable with a Gamecoccks logo on it even though he’s never stepped foot on the campus. Looks like the type.

2:03 pm January, 16 Steve said...

I thought steroids made your head grow, not shrink.

2:08 pm January, 16 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

I liked “gorilla” or “juice head”.

I see that DB1 quickly coined Gorillabag.

But I kinda like JuiceBag.

2:23 pm January, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

It must not eat grain.

2:23 pm January, 16 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

Pssssttt… Sweetie. Your top’s come open.

3:57 pm January, 16 DadBag said...

vaginal knitting…..dang, secret’s out

4:12 pm January, 16 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Something about her reminds of this:

http://www.comicvine.com/alice-the-goon/4005-66513/

Something about him reminds me of this:

http://i589.photobucket.com/albums/ss336/antissa19/gifs/1Ra48.gif

4:22 pm January, 16 Bag Em Tag Em said...

Of all the photos even linked on this site, THIS is the one that put me over the edge. Im completely tilted.

The linked photo…she looks stunning to me. How this delicate (yet buoyant) flower could be seen with this human vein is shameful.

Shameful, I says….

4:44 pm January, 16 Vin Douchal said...

FELLERS:
.
Usually if I wait too long to post something, Db1 fires up the next HCwDB thread and it gets lost at the bottom.
.
But this can’t wait !
.
A webpage with videos of EVERY SINGLE HOT WEATHER GIRL from all over the planet. DOZENS of them, nay HUNDREDS all organized in neat little 2-3 minute clips.

.
Marone

4:46 pm January, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Open them ^ up in Mozilla . Windows Explorer sucks elephant balls

4:58 pm January, 16 Douchble Helix said...

Did I miss the innocent southern belle pic of this broad?

5:02 pm January, 16 Douchble Helix said...

I can’t understand a damn thing those weather gals are saying.
.
Nice tits, though.

5:04 pm January, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

This site has gone totes out of control. I’ll be back after I get bent so I can understand better.

5:06 pm January, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Before I get bent and forget, that guy has got to go into the Hall of Poo. Can I have second on the poo?

5:25 pm January, 16 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Second the Poo. Also, may I be the first person in this thread to say I would NOT bang the blonde in the photo above.

5:25 pm January, 16 Magnum Douche P. I. said...

Not to correct you dear Rev but I believe it’s the Closet of Poo. And I’ll second your motion.

5:30 pm January, 16 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Also, if the illegal immigrants climbing over the fence and traversing the Rio Grandé looked the weather girls in Vin’s link, I’d be all for amnesty. But until then, negative.

6:54 pm January, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

This guy squats so hard his acne has piles

6:55 pm January, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

This guy squats so hard he has a transverse tampon.

6:56 pm January, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

This guy squats so hard he grew a second vagina.

6:56 pm January, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

This guy squats so hard he caught femingitis.

6:57 pm January, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

This guy squats so hard he shits fibreoptic cable.

6:58 pm January, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

This guy squats so hard he pisses blood diamonds.

6:59 pm January, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

This guy squats so much a fuck it.

7:04 pm January, 16 Crucial Head said...

Gorillabag’s real name is Bicepinoccio.
.
You may remember him as the protagonist in the Elder Childcockk’s novel ‘The Adventures of Bicepinocchio,’ by Chodellodi. Whittled by a woodcarver named Scroteppetto in a small douchebag village, he was created as a wooden puppet (all due respect to Troy Tempest), but Bicepinocchio dreamed of becoming a real douchebag. Once the tiny wood became flesh, he found himself chronically prone to telling lies about crushing pussy on the reg and fabricating stories of heterosexual desires…
.
… each mistruth causing his left bicep to inflate further and further until it eventually morphed into a toothy python that flibbered and flobbered in the throes of unsquelchable hunger and swallowed him whole before shatting the refuse in a runny mound amidst an empty bovine pasture.
.
And thus it was. Spake Zarathustra.

7:58 pm January, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

HAHA^ Son.

3:55 am January, 17 Guid is Good said...

The tit hanging out the shirt looks OK. Everything else, not so much.

9:41 am January, 24 Douche hater said...

First of all, gamecockbag???? Really? Are you the nutsack of a Carolina Gamecock? Makes this post more understandable.

Jealous much ?? You and your boys kept getting turned down when you hit on her, huh? Oh, what? You weren’t brave enough to try and talk to her !!?? What a bitch she is !!

And because a guy works out and builds muscle, he is automatically a juice head?? This coming from a probable fat, snow white, lil gamer boy living in his parents garage.

1:44 pm January, 25 Chest Brah aka Rev Chsd said...

Fuck you sound like a pathetic gorilla.

“This coming from a probable fat, snow white, lil gamer boy living in his parents garage” would be a description of your small cock trigger to become uuuge.

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