Saturday, February 15, 2014

Evil Yellow Sunball Does Not Approve of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford

EYS Rob Ford

Evil Yellow Sunball has now seen it all.

Yes, that Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. When douching it up with the bar hotties barely holds a candle to crack videos and the cray-cray.

When the douche virus hits the politicians, then and only then will psychedelic toad save us all.

# posted by douchebag1
11:20 am February, 15 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

This could be much worse. At least there’s no groin-shave reveal in this one.

11:49 am February, 15 Charles Douchewin said...

Chris Farley (respect!) would Tina Fey his Sarah Palin, like nobody else.
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Free Rob Ford!

11:55 am February, 15 Charles Douchewin said...

^ Relatedly, I offer this, for Jacques.

12:12 pm February, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

East German Princess Leah has a hairy wookie.

12:40 pm February, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

http://flappyford.com/ PLAY ALONG

1:03 pm February, 15 The Dude said...

What a fuk’n cow.

1:48 pm February, 15 Vin J Douchal said...

Db1, I give to you the famed fable, The Psychedelic Toad That Saved Us All, By S. Morgenstern. Please read it at bedtime to your little one
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ONCE upon a time in the land of ReHabia there lived the fair princess Sheertina. Sheertina was an unhappy girl as her beauty became a burden.
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Old people would fall dead at her vision of grace.
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Young men would adorn colorful skin colorings of pine bark and salts in confused patterns of far away lands and ingest the leanest of protein in attempts to swoleth their chests
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Women of her village would utter evil curses under their breath in envy and burn little dolls of her likeness in magic shrines
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One fine spring day, King Douchuous the IV decreed through his town crier, Sir Jason from The House of Stack, that a great contest would be had to win the hand of his fair princess and loving daughter, Sheertina
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Many applicants came from far and wide to enter the events. The events included feats of strength but also feats of cunning. Although the King was a fair man he enlisted judges to decide the winner
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The judges were Howard the Stern, Howie the Bald, Abdullah Paula and Count Simon The Cowell. They would determine the victor from these great contests
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The Princess was not very pleased as she had secretly fallen in love with a court Jester, Archibald “Mack the Nozzle” McScrote whose claim to fame was his brightly adorned facial disfigurement and wide, large, eerily resembling a drawbridge mouth out of which he would utter his line of punch, “Yeaa-harggghhhhh” which the crowd would follow with “Grooo” as they circled and thrust their fists mightily into the empty air repeatedly. It was comedy at it’s best and had won Archibald many “Open Megaphone Nights” at local brothels . Quite the card
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She wept into Mack’s lace up poet shirt one evening as they embraced in the cool starlight…. ” I don’t want just any man the judges decide upon…” she sobbed, “I only want you…”
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The pageant began with Cannon the Nicholas as master of ceremonies.
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Brosephus drank a gallon of mead in one giant gulp as the star on his arm flexed then he let a roar of a burp that delighted the crowd. Alas, he fell over and died as the force of the cardiomyopathy of his family genes decided to strike
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Fishman Slapsworth pulled a giant bouquet of roses from his rectal cavity however neglecting to remove the thorns causing massive cuts and bleeding leading to his demise
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Tight E. Armani of Wales tried to will the judges by staring them down, standing in front of them for three hours without a thought in his head nor blinking until he forgot to breath and collapsed from oxygen deprivation
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The Promising Marc of Chiville gave a display of donkey husbandry with a pretty brown and white mare that disgusted the King so that he was beheaded on the spot
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Many contestants succumbed to the pressure of satisfying the judges and crowd
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There was but one hope left, a little known , mysterious little fellow, Vincent Of Douchalalallaabad. A handsome lad rumoured to be a prince in the mythical land of Fontukious. Vin, as he was known pulled out a Lyre made from the finest woods of Fenderus with the strings of D’Addarious. He pulled a hamster out of a little cage and set it on running on a wheel a with a cord attached to a basket that had a pigskin stretched on the front in the shape of a circle… he called it an “Ampliphier”
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Vin began… “This is called , The Psychedlic Toad”…… he played….first pleasing chords of beauty then single notes rapidly, then faster even yet…. then when the eye could no longer see the flash of these brilliant phalanges he slid uponst his leggened knees across the dirt stage and played even behind his head, … then with his teeth… the judges hypnotized in awe, the crowd standing and roaring…as the last of the feedback diminished
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Simon and Howard leapt from their seats and declared, “A VOTE, WE MUST VOTETH!” A madrigal band played announcing a new silk product for exactly 60 seconds while the judges conferred
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Simon spoke, “King Douchuous, we believe this to be the finest entertainment in all the land. We believe Vincent Of Douchalalallaabad to be the only warrior worthy of Sheertina’s hand”
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The crowd looked at Vincent Of Douchalalallaabad. He turned slowly to the King and said, “Alas I cannot take your daughter’s hand as I am on a life long quest to find the fair Francine, taken from me, kidnapped, by a court Jester and left to die in the wilderness. If I ever find this court jester I will smight him mightily and heretoforth…
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” Some may quest for the grail, some may seek riches in the far east and some may follow into the cloth, but I , a simple shredder of yon Lyre, seek only my Bleeth Queen, Francine…”
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This moved the King so that a reward was drawn for the capture of this infidel. Vin sat with the Royal Portraitist to create a wanted poster likeness. When the poster was brought before the King he was taken aback,… This was Archibald McScrote, his very own jester…He called his sheriff to locate this vagabond…
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When they went to the Room of Green Archibald was nowhere to be found, nor was Sheertina. He had absconded with the Princess!
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Troops and goon squads alike were rounded up for the great hunt.
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“BRING ME THE HEAD OF ARCHIBALD MCSCROTE so sayeth the king” read Sir Jason of the House of Stack in the town square
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After years of searching the King gave up hope, mourned his lost princess and abdicated his throne to the Greek colonel Kisseus Vomitorious. The castle was turned into a homoerotic bath house
.
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So as not to completely depress our fair reader, there is a happy ending. Vincent Of Douchalalallaabad found his fair Francine and returned to the mythical land of Fontukious where his fruits were spread soundly through 37 children and turning a large portion of his land into a chariot race track with an annual meeting of the NASCAR (National Association of Stock Chariot Racing) including a fine bounty of pigs, fruit and goblets….
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And what of our Fair Sheertina? She was lost in a poker game by Archibald and in her shame became an evil witch in The New Land casting her spells upon men by making them grunt, flex, remove their shirts and prance around in loin cloths to loud drum beats. She died a miserable and lonely shrew in the forest of Hard Rockiar,… no one knowing her true identity
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Vin and Francine lived happily ever after
.
THE END

3:34 pm February, 15 The Dude said...

A ribald tale there, Vin. The people of Douchalalallaabad are forever grateful for your heroic efforts.

4:57 pm February, 15 DarkSock said...

Wait…So, DB1, what you’re telling us is RevChad’s last name is Ford?
.
Uncool, Boss. I thought we didn’t out one another like that.
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I’d had my suspicions, though.
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Mayors.

7:12 pm February, 15 DarkSock said...

HBO will surely begin filming “Game of Douchalalallaabad” in the spring of 2014.
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Francinists.

7:19 pm February, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m Sofa King Re Todd Did
.
The 20th neurontin may have been a bad idea. All else I had was:
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1 cheap botlle of red wine
2 superpainkilling coconut cannibis oil chocolate brownies
12 super light beer for the liver enzymes and shit
2 Cymbalta
4 clonazepam
a few hundred mg. of Lyrica
and an unmeasured quantity of a NyQuil equivalent
and 5 Aleve and a few ASA w/codiene and shit.
.
Is all the pain worthwhile? Am I in my own Hell? Damn you MR. BIGGS

8:04 pm February, 15 FredN. said...

So I never really watched the Olympics.
But this gold medaller is begging for some dick breakage. And the color announcer didn’t help matters screaming about how “light and small” she is.
Best thing I’ve seen all year:
https://www.google.com/search?q=anna+fenninger&espv=210&es_sm=93&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=mDcAU9_ZG9KFyQHkooDACg&ved=0CAkQ_AUoAQ&biw=1357&bih=931#q=%22anna+fenninger%22&tbm=isch&imgdii=_

8:05 pm February, 15 FredN. said...

Fucking copy and paste
Just search out Anna Fenninger

12:11 am February, 16 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

I respect ole Rob Ford…he fessed up. “Yup, I did it,” he sez. Unlike Marion Barry…caught smoking crack on FBI video, the best he could do was to ‘sclaim: “THE BITCH SET ME UP!”

And the wise voters of Washington DC continue to re-elect and re-elect him. And they wonder why they have not been granted statehood?

5:17 am February, 16 Douchble Helix said...

Holy shnikeys!

11:51 am February, 16 The Dude said...

I wouldn’t mind getting set up by a bitch, I’d just rather not have her be an FBI tranny.
.
I CAN’T STAY HERE UNDER THESE CONDITIONS!

11:51 am February, 16 The Dude said...

Sorry, ‘tranny’ = trainee.

12:32 pm February, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Vin’s story has me unsettled.

9:26 pm February, 16 DarkSock said...

Butthole.
.
That’s a funny word. Think about it. Not as clinical as “anus”. Not as vulgar as “asshole”, which in any case has been co-opted to describe people who are jerks.
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Butthole is used universally, by toddlers and octogenarians alike.
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But it’s one of those terms that are just…funny. Not just funny ha-ha, but…funny. Like “station wagon” or “hot water heater”.
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Butt-hole.
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Say it with me. Butthole.
.
BUTTHOLE.
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butthole.
.
.
.
.
.
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Butthole?
.
.
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Butthole.
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SAY IT.

9:26 pm February, 16 DarkSock said...

NOW.

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