Friday, February 14, 2014

Valentine's Day Thoughts and Links

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Yup. That’s Pert Fertile Fiona and Greaser Chadwick Von Dickhead.

Turns out the height difference wasn’t so easy to spot back in the car. But the hottie/douchey stench remains the same. Yet again cohabitating in ways that make digging out from a snowstorm seem like pointless pathos.

Albert Camus once took a poop with more spiritual meaning than these two.

They make me piddle cry weep for suckle taut waste.

Anyways. Another Friday, as the kids say. Only a minimal set of links as your humble narrator navigates the wily streets of wintery ol’ New York. But here’s ya go:

Your HCwDB Buy Some Shit After Clicking this Amazon Link to help support the site link of the Week: “I may not have been sure about what really did interest me, but I was absolutely sure about what didn’t.”

RIP to East Village poetry legend Maggie Estep. The New York I knew in the 90s really is gone. But in the 90s they were bitching about the lost New York of the 70s. And so it goes.

Sharknado 2 announces its cast. I’ve already cynically live-tweeted through the whole thing in an alternate universe. Especially that part with the fake looking shark.

Here’s some old Star Wars posters you might not have seen. I would pay serious money for the one from Hungary.

Do Jewish men have a thing for Asian women? Do puff piece articles about ethnic stereotypes have a think for click-bait headlines?

Speaking of geeky click-bait headlines: Twenty five Critical Theory Valentine’s Cards

I just bought Drake’s new album. Not impressive.

You… shall not pass!

“And remember folks, the initials for Valentine’s Day are “V.D.” — Says my third grade self if I could have Tweeted back then.

Okay. Ya done good kid. You earned it:

Bronzebedpear

For how all of life should wake up.

# posted by douchebag1
12:26 pm February, 14 DoucheyWallnuts said...

He looks like Tendon Ted off the Juice.

12:26 pm February, 14 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Pert Fertile Fiona is a sexy spectacular spinner.
Greaser Chadwick Von Dickhead has extra or missing chromosomes. Facts.

12:29 pm February, 14 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I’d love to shovel snow on and off BronzeBedPair until I ejaculate.

12:32 pm February, 14 Vin Douchal said...

According to the link, “shiksas” make up almost 80% of CMB’s better halves. Only 20% of the mothers kvell. The rest? Slowly blink and look away in dissapointment……
.
THIS is what you want with your life, Moishe?

12:36 pm February, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Chad von Dickhead looks like a hard boiled egg in one of those hard boiled egg stand thingies.
.
Chad von Dickhead knows all the words to NIckelback’s Three Sided Coin

12:37 pm February, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Chad von Dickhead has a black big toenail that won’t heal

12:37 pm February, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Chad von Dickhead shaves his head with a Lady Bic

12:38 pm February, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Chad von Dickhead got that Gold’s Gym tank at TJ Maxx

12:58 pm February, 14 purpledrank said...

Thanks for taking away any hope I had left that there is a God. We are truly alone.

1:02 pm February, 14 bigphatnotadouche said...

I’d bang her til my dick fell off.

1:17 pm February, 14 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

and he’s got a fannypack ! or I guess its more of a crotchpack. Bah !

1:19 pm February, 14 adoucheapart said...

The gall of wearing a branded fanny pack that is not Jansport should earn Greaser Chadwick Von Dickhead a swift blow to the taint with a fungo bat. And with that said I would love to walk around the house with Pert Fertile Fionas legs firmly wrapped around my face like the rabid raccoon that attacks Steve Zahn in Saving Silverman.

P.S. I bet bronzebedpears farts smell like coconut gelato.

1:21 pm February, 14 Dickie Fingers said...

I know a guy who has a Harley Davidson fanny pack. He’s a real badass.

1:33 pm February, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d take back my overused and distasteful bad Asian tranny jokes for the chance to see Pert Fertile Fiona empty her parents dishwasher in her birthday suit. And by suit I mean potato scrubber stuck up her wazoo.

1:50 pm February, 14 Guid is Good said...

Goliath ‘Bag. “Dave, Dave – get over here. There’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

1:56 pm February, 14 jonezy said...

holy shit – is this stackhouse?
.
https://scontent-b-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/t1/1797620_10152070067837771_1605364765_n.jpg
.
Actually, he’s probably fat as fuck by now sulking in his past days of “glory”(holes)

2:00 pm February, 14 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Thanks for the pear, boss.
.
And fuck V.D.

2:09 pm February, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

There is nothing quite as unnerving as the county plow pushing another 2 feet of shit into the and of the lane after the street urchins have just collected their 5 cents for removing the last deposit.

2:23 pm February, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I just received a frozen package from the Eskimo postman on skidoo. In it a long awaited (USPS) masterpiece from MR. BIGGS.

“Both profane and profound, Mr. Biggs delivers a whopper of a shit-kicking update to modern Hell in his “”Inferno Los Angeles””. All persons having ever felt wronged or defeated should read it at once to find joy and eternal liberation from their personal Hell. And it looks as good on a coffee table as it does beside the
shitter.” Reverend Chad Kroeger-Rolling Stoned
.
I’ma even gonna read it too.
.
http://infernolosangeles.com

2:41 pm February, 14 hermit said...

I’m wondering if VonDickhead is the 6-10 shitty- dildo-wielding giant The Reverend Kroeger refered to the other night when we all shared romantic stories from our days back at UMass.

3:01 pm February, 14 Wheezer said...

Bronzebedpear looks more maroon. I think she needs me to rub nice, cooling aloe all over her supple body.
.
And yes, by “aloe,” I mean…..

3:01 pm February, 14 Wheezer said...

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3:01 pm February, 14 Wheezer said...

…..something “snowy.”

5:15 pm February, 14 DarkSock said...

I should like to posit Pert Fertile Fiona for H.O.H.
.
Before it’s too late.
.
Posit, I says.

6:03 pm February, 14 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Pert Fertile Fiona will wind up in pieces in the orange crate in the background.

6:07 pm February, 14 DoucheyWallnuts said...

That being said, PFF for HOH and by that I mean I would http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Ejaculation_educational_seq_4.png
on her pieces.

7:34 pm February, 14 The Dude said...

I would like to briefly reiterate Wheezer’s comment.
. . . . . . . . . . . . .

7:37 pm February, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I ejaculate at a 90 degree angle to my penis.

2:53 am February, 15 DarkSock said...

a

3:02 am February, 15 DarkSock said...

aa

3:07 am February, 15 DarkSock said...

eew

7:19 am February, 15 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I ejaculate behind me.
.
Wait, what?

3:16 pm February, 15 Captain Canuck said...

Some of those SW posters are amazing, esp the Hungarian ones, which were clearly designed while under the influence of something that the Soviet state would not have approved of its citizens using.

By the way, the bronzed bed pear is Emelie Ekstrom aka Emelie Ekdahl. If you think her backside is ejaculatable on, her front is ever more so.

8:07 pm February, 15 FredN. said...

Cappy Canuck, you mean except for her face. Ugh

5:05 am February, 17 DouceYouWannaDance said...

The Russian Star Wars posters has me wondering if the artist even bothered to watch the film(s) first. Nothing SW identifiable in them.
.
And re: “Bronze Pare”… then it’s douchey, it’s “orange”. When it’s pare, it’s “bronze”. :)

5:06 am February, 17 DouceYouWannaDance said...

(oops, “when” it’s douchey. When will the Comment system allow editing? This has been a problem for far too long.)

4:05 pm February, 17 Captain Canuck said...

FredN @8:07… She has a face? Yeah, you’re right, her face isn’t her best part(s).

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