Thursday, February 13, 2014
Your Daily Nez: How Not To Get Through a Snow Day
If you find yourself frustrated, covered in melting ice, digging a car out of a snowbank, or otherwise trapped in by inclement weather, do not, I repeat, do NOT, entertain the following thought:
Somewhere, in sunnier climates, Pert Fertile Fiona has decided to cofondle with Greaser Chadwick Von Dickhead.
Do not let that thought enter your mind. Not for one second. Forget you read this post. Forget it now.
For it will not help.
It is a reverse mantra.
It is a thought that is the opposite of Zen.
It is what I call “Nez.”
This is the uncomfortable moment when Greaser makes reference to his domestic violence conviction, and Fiona begins calculating her movements and trajectory for a successful tuck-and-roll out of a moving car.
She looks like one of those cute little bugs that you carry outside and tenderly place on a nice flower in the garden. He looks like one of those bugs you just stomp.
On the un-Zen topic, I continue to think of renoB as Boner, not un-Boner. Rules are made for exceptions. Or is it exceptions make the rule?
Laws if logic do not apply here. So boner is renoB and renoB is boner. There is no such thing as an Un-boner.
That would be renoBnU.
There is no such thing as an Un-boner?
Really?
http://imgur.com/SbPe043
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I CAN’T STAY HERE UNDER THESE CONDITIONS
She’s pretty and perfect. I was starting to get a renoB, so I looked at the new lady the Mrs. hired. EAAAAUGH! I’d like to give her a good purple helmet surge. Surge, I says. The hot chick, not the new lady or the Mrs. Are you all just fucking sick.
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It’s so fucking cold up here in the tundra I laugh and fart at the tropical noreaster some of you are under. Fart. Fart. Fart.
I didn’t realize the cops made the perps ride backwards to the station. Guess it takes the fight out of them when they get car sick.
She is angelic. He is drizzling shit.
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and Fred, don’t ever link like that again without a proper disclaimer.
I have learned not to click on links that appear here unless there some kind of description in the link. Thanks to Jacques…And The Rev…
Good advice
“I CAN’T STAY HERE UNDER THESE CONDITIONS” can be considered a potential disclaimer, but geez Louise – how does she keep that beard trimmed like a sixteen-year-old boy? I mean, yuck!
Stoned again. The little crickets are in bed with dreams of Valentine’s Day candy and elementary school crushes going on in their heads. A snowy bleak cold day here in Glengarry County just outside of the metroplis of Cornwall near the fucking Quebec (no respect) but with lots of french chicks around. All kinds of building around here for the new Quebec immigrants(respect) moving to Ontario to get away from the fascist separatist premier. So I’m out with Lenny going over some consulting work for the planning departments and shit and we see hot chicks everywhere all the time cause we’re always up in frenchy immigrantville up north and they got these teen chicks (I don’t know what these girls eat but they are all skinny French or brick shithouse knockout French) so we always got boners and this one place calles the Frontier (respect) is a little whorehouse with 18 year old chicks so if I ever get caught with hookers it’s cause I got cash under the spare and shit. Know I’m really stoned and ehatever ans shit.
That’s some pretty disturbing imagery you got there FredN. I could never come up with a picture so outlandish as that one. I mean…golly.
I’m going to cover my eyes now.
http://i.imgur.com/ZhPxLAc.png
I’m wasted drunk.
The miracle of hippie childbirth.
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This is what I watch on the internet…like…80% of the time.
Why? Because reasons.
Rather than click on Jacque’s links I ran across a story in the news that Vladimir Putin arranged for his 30 year old mistress, a former “rhythmic gymnast”, to be the one bearing the Olympic Torch at Sochi. Which is mildly funny, if for no other reason that “Putin” (say it with me…putin. Putin. PU-TINNN. putin.)
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Then I looked up a picture of said mistress.
Oh, Mister Putin. We see what you’re all about.
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It’s a special girl that can gargle your eggs while you auger her ham-dangles™.
I still click on JD’s links, and I love it.
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And, how is “talk about an un-boner, click here” NOT a disclaimer?!
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I CAN’T STAY HERE UNDER THESE CONDITIONS
President Putin, Alina Kabayeva is half your age. You need to stick to former Olympians closer to your own age.
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Such as Bruce Jenner.
Wikipedia says that Putin is 5’5″. I don’t understand why the bear didn’t say “I CAN’T STAY HERE UNDER THESE CONDITIONS”.
If the day comes when my daughter brings home someting like that, I will know that I have failed as a role model and parent. I weep.
http://rack.2.mshcdn.com/media/ZgkyMDE0LzAyLzEzLzA5L2N1cmxpbmdmYWNlLjhmNGEyLmdpZgpwCXRodW1iCTEyMDB4OTYwMD4/7b705031/ab7/curling-faceplant.gif