Friday, December 19, 2014

HCwDB Holiday Gift Guide for 2014!

dick on the shelfDarkSock here, with a timely article for the Faithful Reader.

The final hours are drawing nigh for you procrastinating shoppers, but worry not – we’ve worked tirelessly to compile excellent last-minute gift ideas for your kids, whether they’re yours or abducted.

Shall we?

 

Number 1:  “Baby’s First Baby”:

babys first baby

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because your kid’s not getting cast for “15 and Pregnant” unless you start ’em early…

Number 2: “Breast Milk Baby”:

breast-milk-baby

 

 

 

 

 

This reminds me of the Irish Potato Famine of 1845.  Because, y’know, lack-taters…

Number 3: “Pee-n-Poo Plushies”:

pee n poo dolls

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What do you get that 7 year old you just can’t seem to potty train? Why, it’s alimentary, my Dear Watson!

Number 4: “Real Human Teeth Dolls”:

real teeth dolls

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just because Gramma’s gone doesn’t mean parts of her can’t stay with your tikes…in their nightmares…

Number 5: “Road Kill Kitty Stocking Treats”:

road kill kitty

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Help Little Timmy relive the pain of ol’ drunk Uncle John-Earl backing over his beloved Fluffy as he made another beer run last Thanksgiving morning.

“But Darksock”, you wheedle, “what about our kids entering the magic of puberty?”  I gotcha covered.

Number 6: “You Can Shave The Baby”:

you can shave the baby

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cuz it ain’t gonna shave itself…

Number 7: “Testicle & Prostate Plushies”:

testicle_and_prostate

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or as Hannibal Lecter calls them, “The Sweet Meats”.

Number 8: “Frat Party Barbie Playset”:

douche on the shelf

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Consider this popular expansion pack to Frat Party Barbie also:

pregnant_barbie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and of course the surprise free bonus -“Venereals Plushies”:

venereals

 

 

 

 

 

 

Although sometimes we fail to remember that the most special gifts are not those solid tangible objects we can hold in our hands, but rather something more ethereal…such as a wi-fi connected laptop behind Junior’s constantly locked bedroom door.

Elf on the Net

# posted by admin
9:32 am December, 19 The Dude said...

Butterfly VS model on MacBook made me glad I didn’t claw my eyes out before scrolling. Thank you, I think.
.
Really, thanks for keeping the Mock alive!

12:43 pm December, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Is it wrong that Frat Girl Barbie gives me the renoBs? Asking for a friend…

1:52 pm December, 19 hermit said...

This year I’m giving “Hissing Fetus Barbie.”
.
Or maybe the “Rubber Johnny Electric Rat Trap.”

5:15 pm December, 19 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

Baby Carrot Top scares the Bejesus out of me.

6:53 pm December, 19 REv Chad Remote said...

How’s about a fucking Haiku over yonder?
.
Tidings of Joy

7:52 pm December, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The Elf on the Shelf
Put Gyroscope in Barbie’s
Monkeyhole and shit

8:32 pm December, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

!985
Kroeger’s start Green Valley Inn
Burns in drunken haze.

8:32 pm December, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

1885
Fuck. Poverty proves worse than the
Hunger. Erin Go Bras!

11:15 pm December, 19 Magnum Douche P. I. said...

You gotta put in
some extra work to find this
weeks damn Friku son!

11:41 pm December, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

North Korea sucks
Their dictator should be killed
Fuck you Kim Jong-un

11:50 pm December, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kim Jong-un’s haircut
Is suitable for re-tard
And tinpot despot

11:58 pm December, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Kim Jong-un fellates
Dead dogs. “Fellates” means “blow job”
You commie fucktards

2:24 pm December, 20 Dickie Fingers said...

There once was a dick
tater named Kim Jong-un
fellating dead dogs

Maybe I should check back in later when some of this booze burns off. Christmas party season.

3:35 pm December, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Dear Santa, Is there
Anything wrong with wanting
To bang this young chick?
.
Asking for myself.
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZY0cdXr_1MA

4:12 pm December, 20 DoucheyWallnuts said...

This new Ballet Porn
Makes me want to Battement
Frappe Miss Copeland
.
Cavaliers

6:28 pm December, 20 FredN. said...

Yuck that ballerina is 32. Retire already!

16

9:45 pm December, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The Department of Homeland Security let Rev Chad into the great failing nation today for five minutes and welcomed me to return tomorrow. God Bless America!\.
.
Felons

11:05 pm December, 20 hermit said...

Once the Rev enters the sacred soil of the motherland he has a constitutional right to bang muscular ballerinas and shit as guaranteed by the Tony Orlando vs. Dawn ruling in 1974.
.
He has my personal assurance as well. Everything will be kept in the strictest, drunkest confidence.
.
I’ve often wondered (for a friend) what it would be like to screw a chick with a small tail.
Not a long prehensile deal, but a short fluffy one, like that of a yearling doe in spring.

11:11 pm December, 20 hermit said...

I’d also like to bang that blonde who does the Donato’s pizza commercials. But only because I hate her.
.
6

11:29 am December, 21 Wheezer said...

That’s^^ Jane Grote Abell, hermit. Oh yes, the difference is delicious.
.
Glad I found a pic with some leg…..

12:37 pm December, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I think that pizza chick has a fluffy tale to tell. I’d squint and pretend she’s Tea Leoni or that square-jawed skooze that was married to Jim Belushi’s jowls and hate-fuck her. Kind a looks like a blonde I knew that gave up on life and married an old, rich Mooslim.

1:08 pm December, 21 hermit said...

I wonder if that fake smile stays on her face during rough sex, sleep and bowel movements.

7:17 pm December, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I gave a Christmas sermon to upstate New York’s 10 college educated Injuns today on a sprawling estate built on illicit cigarettes along the opposite banks of the mighty St. Lawrence. I have been inspired. And by inspired, I mean hot Injun Boner.

On the First day of Christmas a douchebag sent to me, a tranny with a case of VD.
.
On the Second day of Christmas a douchebag sent to me two fake tits, and a tranny with a case of VD..
.
On the Third day of Christmas a douchebag sent to me three swole bros, two fake tits, and a tranny with a case of VD.
.
On the Fourth day of Christmas a douchebag sent to me four anal porn stars, three swole bros, two fake tits, and a tranny with a case of VD.
.
On the Fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me five golden globes, four anal porn stars, three swole bros, two fake tits, and a tranny with a case of VD.
.
On the Sixth day of Christmas my true love sent to me six hot chicks laying, five golden globes, four anal porn stars, three swole bros, two fake tits, and a tranny with a case of VD.
.
On the Seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me seven lesbos goosing, six hot chicks laying, five golden globes, four anal porn stars, three swole bros, two fake tits, and a tranny with a case of VD.
.
On the Seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me seven lesbos goosing, six hot chicks laying, five golden globes, four anal porn stars, three swole bros, two fake tits, and a tranny with a case of VD.

Eight prolapses dancing
Nine Oompa Loompas
Ten houses Stacking
11 Tiny dancer Marias
12 Samurai Scrotes

4:48 am December, 22 The Dude said...

VD comes in cases?

7:01 pm December, 22 Wheezer said...

Why do I think DarkSock emptied out his attic storage to show us these toys?

11:28 pm December, 22 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Real human teeth dolls remind me of the worst blowjob I ever got.

Road Kill Kitty made me lose my lunch.

Everything else gave me a stiffy. Is that so wrong?

Priapics

1:09 am December, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I love getting Christmas/Hannukah wasted! Where’s the Haiku Son. Give me the keys forma week. Stooooooned!
.
And shit.
.
@
Choad the Douche Sprocket
.
Did you get your TV show?
.
80’s rocked sons.
.
FTW orld
.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVYYpNaSs2Y

4:33 am December, 23 hermit said...

Between all the hustle and bustle of Holiday shopping don’t forget the elderly! This is an especially difficult time for those who’ve lost love ones. I make it a point to set aside a day to be spent with my Aunt Janet. I’ll help her around the house with Christmas decorations and such.
.
By day’s end we’ll reminisce over a bowl of eggnog and vodka and then I’ll clean the dead cats out from underneath the crawlspace and shave her back with a set of barber shears and a package of disposable razors.
.
.
and gauze……

11:56 am December, 23 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

And by “worst blowjob I ever got” Choad TDS means he’d do it all over again. Cause that’s the way guys roll. Worst blowjob I ever got, was with a new girl I was dating. My expectant dick sat in her immobile mouth, with a seeming absolute lack of interest (and talent) by the blower, not to mention lack of sucking, tongue and hand movements and lamprey lips stuck in one place. She thought she was Linda Lovelace. Unfortunately, not. The break-up came soon after.

8:29 pm December, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Hermit
.
You are an honourable nephew. Wait till you have to clean Aunt Marion’s prolapsed uterus.
.
Jingle Smells

8:24 pm December, 30 DarkSock said...

Just got back in town; AND I got my ol’ laptop back from the shop, free of all PornHub viruses (virii?) so lemme scrounge around tonight and see what I got for Fraiku. Ya bastards.
.
16

12:03 pm February, 23 Australia Lips Escort said...

These gifts for kids? 😀
Nice 😀
Road Kill Kitty is the sickest gift ever 😀

But maybe it can be useful when you explain to your children why is important paying attention to certain things when walking.

So it helps children to understand more clearly why something is expected of them when they are walking on the road. 😀

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