Saturday, May 28, 2016

Little Manbun FuFu

MegaManBun

Little Manbun FuFu, hoppin’ through the party, scooping up the field hotts and roofyin’ them in the head…

This is our world.

Furry mustachio twipples wander our post-‘bag landscape like so many brain eating culture zombies. As if millions of Coachella Snapchats cried out at once and were suddenly silenced. This skeezy hairstrosity must not stand. And by stand, I mean allowed to carry an iPhone and almond milk in the same hand.

“Hark!“, you cry. “Who arst thou to criticize? Why hast thou forsaken the mock?”

‘Tis true. I have forsaken the mock to pursue other pursuits. After years of Hottie/Douchey deconstruction I have headed out on other vision quests. Like obsessively complaining that brilliant b-movie thespian Debra Blee, star of “Malibu Bikini Shop” and “The Beach Girls” does not automatically appear in polls of hottest 1980s actresses. This is a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a Travis Barker. It cannot abide. Debra Blee’s luscious lasciviousness must be worshiped by a new generation. Or John McCain died in vain.

But that does not mean that someone still does not need to put their foot down about hottie/douchey conflation in our post-hipster manbunned landscape. Nor that that foot is not me. Because two negatives make a positive. And too many positives means you’re Chris Hardwick.

Wait, what was I saying?

Oh, right. Johnny?

# posted by douchebag1
2:26 pm May, 28 Scooby Douche said...

I so rarely come here anymore. What caused me to do so today, of all days.

[crickets…]

2:43 pm May, 28 Et Tu Douche? said...

As they CLING to their tracking devices, I mean “Smart” phones, they hurdle through their vapid, self obsessed lives yearning for nothing more then MORE digital adulation.
.
Nice areola peek/slight reveal being offered up by the raven haired temptress.

6:34 pm May, 28 Et Tu Douche? said...

Chick in the back, behind raven haired temptress, is throwing the oh so sly Toledo OH eye of coitus

3:03 am May, 29 Jeet Kune Douche said...

THIS is not Douche.
THIS is Douche as envisioned by…….S J W ‘ S ! ! ! ! !

Why do we have nukes if not to eliminate such tubloidial buttnoid japanese anime smurf clones from the gene pool????

4:21 pm May, 30 The Dude said...

Clip-on Man Buns cross the line.

John McCain didn’t die, but he sure does seem to suck up a lot for a political maverick.

12:01 am May, 31 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

We are one Hillary presidency from the Gulag (repect), Sons. 1984 is almost here. Do ye stand or do ye become Winston Smith. And shit. Gun up.
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCZBnUt6rZ0.
.
As I bury my goods throughout the countries, I listen to the insane man inside and listen to this as I ply my trade at the local range, and shit.
.
Adios

12:04 am May, 31 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I mean this.].Fucking fuckcock shitpig.
.
Stoooned.
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJa9gEUa0To
.
And a trick of the tail to all this violent Soros funded summer ahead.

2:48 am May, 31 Rev Cad Stoned said...

Ooop. I meent this won.
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdJkOMYzVFE
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Guns n, Hermit

2:36 pm May, 31 Charles Douchewin said...

Clip-on manbuns ain’t real. Not really real. They’re like merkins: for entertainment purposes only. At best, they’re cheap, low-minded distractions that conflate confusion, for character. And by character I mean the sumo, sikha, and samauri own it. Also, maybe this fish.
.
Sly and the family Hermit

4:10 pm May, 31 Carlos Danger said...

Enjoy that manbun while you have it. It looks like in 10 yrs he will have a lot more forehead.

5:53 pm May, 31 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Too bad his face look like a kayak.
.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/05/10/asia/japan-artist-vagina-kayak/?iid=ob_article_footer_expansion

5:56 pm May, 31 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

He reminds me of something else

12:11 am June, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’ve mentioned this before and I’ll say it again. As best I can tell men should not be sporting Manbuns, Hehives or whatever you want to call them unless you are one of thee baddest fuballers on the planet.
.
Zlatan kicks ass!! and he’s pretty comical to boot.
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5POfbSSk8w

1:02 am June, 1 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I’m sorry I missed the new post as I was engaging in Memorial Day Tomfoolery. And by Memorial Day Tomfoolery I mean masturbation…
.
Man Bunnery is one of the greatest scourges to hit Douchekind since the Groin Shave Reveal and Chin Fung plague that hit us some years back.
.
Has anyone else noticed that when The Rev rants he sounds a lot like Donald Trump?

8:47 am June, 1 hermit said...

The site is resuscitated once more and that’s a good thing. I’ve been kicked off of Facebook, twitter and Instagram for foul language, Benadryl and chocolate pudding. This site was the only pure and unblemished place on the interwhebz and I have the utmost respect and gratitude for the diehards and hard-ons who keep this thing refurbished like an old, historical society whorehouse.
Fuck that gorilla
Fuck that kid
and Fuck You All
.
#apelivesdontmatter
.
They should have shot the kid
.
again, fuck you all

10:09 am June, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

^@Hermit
I blame the mother, I’d bet a ton she was distracted staring into her “Smart” phone. Seriously how do you not realize where your small child is?

11:22 am June, 1 hermit said...

∆ I’m with you Et Tu. They should have shot the gorilla, the kid, the mother and the entire meerkat exhibit.

11:52 am June, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^^Hey Hermit. The six men in Canada have formed an expeditionary mltlitia. If Trump gets robbed, we will join your army, and the white men of the north and south U.S. We all go by the rank of General Mayhem. I weep for my young children. And the simian parents of Gorilla Boy. Old Bill Clinton looks pretty bad, and Hillary won’t allow video of her climbing stairs or walking to planes. CAnkles.
.
The zoo kid had great role models..
.
Fuck the Muslims!!!.
Molon Labe

12:53 pm June, 1 hermit said...

∆ Damn right rev. I’ll assemble my forces ( two dogs and maybe my cousin if he’s not too drunk) somewhere south of Fredericksburg and drive north while your troops advance south toward Washington in a pincer movement. Then we’ll bomb the House of Representatives and set fires deep in the bowels of the White House in what I’d call a bowel movement. SIC SEMPRE TYRANASOURAS!!!!!👊🔫💣💣💣💣💣👊

5:13 pm June, 1 Charles Douchewin said...

Meanwhile – did you all see HER behind ManBun FUbar?

Sure, she ain’t bleeth10+. But her look cuts through space, time, and the fourth wall to say “Let’s get the fuck outta here.”.

.

To me, she says:

Her: (just the look): Hey… lets get out of here.

Me: (nodding, smooove like): Yeaaaahh.

. (we cruise from the crowd)

Her: (all smiles, bites lip) I’m glad I saw you. I thought you’d be taller.

Me: Yeah? Well, you know, I’m a grower not a show-er. Uh… k, that was… awkward. I mean, have we met?

Her: Well, no. But I’ve been loving your mock for years. It’s genius, and your takedowns make me want to take you down. If you know what I mean (*wink*).

Me: Oh, well, yeah – thanks. I mean, my posts are ok. Right? With all their animal links, and stuff.

Her: (super puzzled look) Huh. You are Crucial Head, right?

Me: No, I’m Charles Douchewin.

Her: Oh! right… That’s cool. Well, I gotta go, can I give you my number?
(she starts writing down her number, folds it up)

Her: So, you know him, right? Can you give him this? (she licks her lips, and walks away).

(Swooping cursive writing reads something like ‘give YOU crucial head’ with phone number inside a heart. Signed: XOXO)

10:20 pm June, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Rev & Hermit,

I just located my trusty old wrist rocket and a bag full of marbles. I could meet north of the wall in say Niagara maybe hit a few casinos, bang some strippers before hand then cross back over. If not I can be waiting south of the wall to pick you up and then we can head south and scoop up Hermit along the way. I drive pretty well usually under the speed limit, I have a gift for gab which is great for multi hour road trips and good news my flatulence issues have subsided to the point of being being considered reasonable. My go bag is packed, my brain is muddled and I got about $727 to my name so we should be good to go.

12:13 am June, 2 hermit said...

Sounds good Et Tu. Soon as I find someone to mow my lawn and shit I’ll be ready. The only go bag I have is my scrotum and it’s freshly shaven and ready to go for some border town strippers. I do have a small milk crate which I’ll load up with pickles and Cheez Whiz, enough for everyone.
.
.
I too, have pondered the similarity between Charlie D and a stately, slightly mellowed, Crucial Head. Guess I was wrong.
.
.
I’m personally captivated by the contemplative blond, she of the backward baseball cap. She looks like the only one who would prefer to be elsewhere. I admire her quiet dignity and shapely breast profile.

2:49 am June, 2 Jeet Kune Douche said...

WHOA, Whoa, whoa, WHUUUUT????

Gontlemenz:
Regarding fuckingmanbundouchefuckass AS WELL AS all the dipshit fucked up hair and tats and everything else broads around him/her/it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCbfMkh940Q

‘NUFF

SAID!

2:27 pm June, 2 Carlos Danger said...

If you guys need a naval blockade, I’ve got a 16′ starcraft and some fireworks I bought in PA.

6:39 pm June, 2 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^I have the guns, weed, painkillers, and generic pharmacy goods. I may need a marine pickup in upstate to get the shit across. 4500 rounds so far for my legal AK’s.

7:11 pm June, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

^ That ain’t gonna get you outta Canada. 4500 rounds is what I call “panickin’ time”. A good round number to have on hand for each firearm is 3000. Just ask ANY prepper.

7:13 pm June, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

If you ever get far enough to recreate Sherman’s March to the Sea, lemme know. I’ll find Dark Sock (who?) and we’ll join y’all.

7:33 pm June, 2 Carlos Danger said...

I can pick you up on your side Rev. Just for the record, you can buy some damn good fireworks in PA, as long as you don’t live there.
We’re just waiting for Hermit to find somebody to mow the lawn?

7:02 pm June, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

If anyone is driving to Canada from upstate tomorrow, my neighbours and I are having the First Annual German Shepard Dog Petting/Pig Roast and Sausage Making/Gun Blueing fundraiser for the refugees tomorrow. Admission is gun, dog, pork, as affordable.
.
We hope to raise a bit of money and a whole bunch of stink.

6:33 pm June, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

http://www.breitbart.com/london/2016/06/04/massive-increase-in-arrests-for-hate-speech-on-social-media/
.

C’mon DB1. Give me Dark Sock’s key for he is derelict in his 2005 duty. I can do it. We need a place for free speech and I have at least 27 minutes free per day. And if you remember, I know my way around the Machine.

6:33 pm June, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

But I don’t have time to set up a template and shit.

5:09 pm June, 7 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Another Bro Bites the Dust.
.
http://thesmokinggun.com/documents/college/georgia-collegian-in-garbage-truck-392045
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I frequently have slippery malodorous liquid pooling in my pants.
.
I took a generic boner pill that I think was sourced in India, that I believe was laced with windowpane. Mrs Wallnuts seems happy. It’s been a fun day, right Rev?

8:39 pm June, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I haven’t taken my Viagra in 6 months. The Mrs. is slowing down. I still fuck her all the time, but that’s cause my blood pressure has gone down since I started the ballet with the young one, and yoga (respect) with the old Jew.
.
I stand here ready to cast my blood upon the Tree of Liberty, cause it needs a watering, Sons.
.
I have 37 hits of PCP to economize on my ammo. Crazy and focused is a great way to go to WW3 next fall sons.

6:39 pm June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Gordie Howe could have kicked the shit out of Ali (fake Moslem) and Kimbo Slice, with his coccks.

1:38 am June, 11 Magnum Douche P. I. said...

DB1, I second the Rev’s call for a turnover of the keys to this beast with Mr. Sock’s absence. I have ever utmost faith that the Rev will handle the task responsibly, and shit.

12:52 pm June, 11 Carlos Danger said...

The Reverend Chad Kroeger has my vote.

11:42 pm June, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I third the nomination, Sons.

11:48 pm June, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I have a solution to moslems getting guns. Don’t give moslems guns. In particular the FBI should arrest Obama.

11:58 pm January, 11 Another blast from the past said...

Like Scooby Douche,,,I too had left the site for years,,,not sure what brought be back,,,I do believe the absurdity of DBs has increased exponentially,,,it took this pic of the MunAlmondDouche to make me post.
Not sure if DB1 can recall my original moniker, but it’s nice to see the old gang keeping the faith in a vortex of unparalleled Douchbaggery as we enter 2017.

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