Friday, January 17, 2020

2020 Thoughts and Links

So what would Hot Chicks with Douchebags actually look like in the age of selfies and social media image awareness?

Good question.

And who better to answer it than legendary Hall of Scrote ubersquat, the one and only The Gator?

Now your typical’choadal bagscrote might have a brief moment of douchey Vegas Greasewank ascendance in chasing the ladies. But that’s all it is. A brief moment of youth. A grasp at the douche ring before they eventually fade quickly into suburban ennui and CostCo runs.

But the true ‘bag legends? They shmear snail slime on suckle thigh forever.

Just leatherier. And with more skin cancer.

And who is Grator than the Gator?

Here we see The Gator 2020, replete with latest conquest, Leopard Selfie Hott taking inspiration from 80s teen comedies.

Gotta give mad respek to his sandbaggery visage for staying in the ‘bag game all these years. And by respek I mean poop.

To paraphrase the immortal words of Wooderson, The Gator might get wrinklier and leatherier, but them hotts, they stay the same age.

Just like the Gator’s leathery appendages and saggy pec mounds, so too do we find ourselves in 2020. Still here. Still lumpy. Still present. But hanging on to past glories even as the ‘roids begin to turn to ashes and colon cancer.

It is I. Your humble narrator. The originary Douchebag1. And you. Loyal ‘Bag Hunter, Mocker of Choad. You have come back. Perhaps hopeful. Perhaps melancholic. Hoping to figure out when the playful innocence of the early 2000s gave way to an epic, lurid global clownshow. The world might be burning. But we still have each other.

The DB1 might not have all the answers for you. We have moved on to greener pastures. But every so often we check back whimsically on the time when social media had not yet been commoditized, monitized, caramelized, and Liza Minnelli with a scary clown at a birthday party in the 1950sized.

Here are your 2020 Thoughts and Links:

If you like and miss the rants of your humble narrator, check out an article I wrote on growing up in Boston for a new magazine called Fifty Grande. I’m honored to be in the first issue. You should subscribe. Then you’ll be into these dudes before anybody.

This leaked clip from the upcoming Judd Apatow directed Pete Davidson movie looks hilarious and promising.

I’m so tired of all the racism on TV these days. From now on I’m only letting my daughters watch The Flintstones.

Someone sent me this interview of me from 2007 the other day and I don’t remember it at all. But then again I don’t remember most of 2007. I was jacked up on Night Train and HoHos and other assorted tasty Hostess snack cakes while sitting on my rug in my one bedroom in the not-yet-cool neighborhood of Los Feliz, grappling angrily with where it all went choady/hottie.

If you want to see the imitation palatial apartment building where the DB1 lived for most of the years writing this site, here it is. The fact a UPS truck blocked the Google Camera pretty much sums up those years.

Los Feliz is now a trendy enclave where annoying fake nerd sexual abusers live and they shoot ironic self-aware serial killer TV shows. But back when the DB1 lived there, Los Feliz was mostly just sitting around and having coffee at House of Pies.

I miss those days. Now it’s Family life in the valley.

Speaking of the Valley, this is how they make love in Tarzana.

At what point is mid-career Eminem just Max Perlich in Beautiful Girls?

No joke, speaking of houses of pie, if you’re ever visiting LA, go here and order the steakburger and a slice of apple pie. You’re welcome.

This clip of Zach Braff and his girlfriend Florence Pugh celebrating her Oscar nomination is hilarious.

And here it is, your moment of Zen.

Have a great 2020!

# posted by douchebag1
11:14 pm January, 18 skrag2112 said...

DB1 is alive in 2020!

8:55 am February, 11 The Dude said...

Great to hear from you, chief!

3:22 am March, 3 Creature said...

Fuck Fishslap!

1:36 am March, 4 Finbar J. Geherty. said...

DB1! Yes, some of us still traverse the bookmark bowels in search of truth, justice, and meaningful mock. My visits to the land of hotts and d’bags are usually just a refresh of mammaries, er, memories past. But not today. Today the god of mock has spoken, and I, your humble mocker-in-training have listened.

I give credit where credit is due. The Gator has survived all these years and is still as full of douche as he ever was. As for the lovely Ms. ‘Tard, well, her self-only selfie says it all.

Thanks for stopping by DB1. Hope to see you again soon.

10:46 pm March, 18 Army of Douchness said...

Checking on fron March 18th virtual lockdown Corona virus; I feel like I visit this page to see if DB1 has left hair lair more frequently than 2 months. I would have thought I’d see this post early-mid Feb. Well, here I am I guess.

ON THAT NOTE: Db1 I *really* feel like there are some new strains of DB’s out there that need daily disinfectant.

10:23 pm March, 20 motorboat said...

ETD? Here, It’s great to see that DB1 came out of semi retirement to mock. These past several days have been a bummer and this was much needed for the psyche & the soul.

I wish all fellow mockers well and here’s hoping The Rev Chad is still alive and kicking.

Funny that I stumbled back to this site. I’ve been watching clips of Nick Kroll killing it as “Bobby Bottle Service” and it made me wistful for this great slice of interweb genius.

10:21 pm April, 1 Jeet Kune Douche said...

I figured there’d be somethign here making vicious fun of the douchebag kidz who insisted on going to spring break, including the 70 who flew down to mexico and 28 got sick.

But I guess not…….

7:00 pm April, 12 Charles Douchewin said...

Fish slapping, for the holiday:
.
https://youtu.be/7OJuYdwjAwI?t=394.
.
Ya’ filthy animals.

7:20 pm May, 5 ac/douchey said...

You’re back! Are you back? I lost the old email attached to my username years ago. Pretty drunk ‘05-‘09, lost a lot of things. Whoops. Just saw something on twitter that made me think “oh man I wonder if it’s still going” It’s still going! Is it still going? Gonna have to go thru some of the classics. Not sure if you use any social media, but there is a trend where hot chicks have become their own douchebags in some cases. We had a tornado a two months ago and almost immediately afterward, these combination hot chick/douchebags were posting selfies, trying to look fuckable, with hashtags like #nashville #nashvillestrong and #thoughtsandprayers in turn making them hot chicks who also look like complete fucking douchebags. Maybe enough baggery by association eventually leads to some type of vulcan style mind meld or at least interchangeability. Anyway- here’s to hoping my old screen name somehow will work when submitted by my newer email address. Good to know you’re alive and well. Thanks for the laughs. Sincerely- AC/DOUCHEY, proud member of, and contributor to the infamous Samurai Scrote thread

12:53 pm October, 6 Peter from Syd., Aus said...

Great to read ya keepin’ stock of the mock. Well done, you, DB1.

8:21 pm January, 12 2skylight said...

3postage

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