Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Friday Thoughts and Links

Yup. Your narrator is already drunk. Because it’s Friday.

And, as we all know, the concept of the “Weekend” is simply a temporal framework to justify habitual alcoholism.

Here’s your links:

Regis and Kelly dress as Jon and Kate HCwDB for Halloween. It’s a simulacra of an echo of a postmodern pastiche. And stupid.

For the nerds among us: Baguette shuts down Large Hadron Collider. No word on if it was Josephine.

Most underrated genius videogame of the 1990s: Parappa the Rappa. Kick! Punch! It’s all in the mind. Don’t get cocky! It’s gonna get rocky!

What happens when a couple of Aussie douchebags in Melbourne decide to produce their own party video? Nothing much for the first two minutes. And not much more after that. (this may actually be the longest, most boring, and slowest rap in history)

An Indian douche in New Delhi sues Lynx bodyspray for not getting any hotts. That won’t curry favor with the jury.

Bags on Board. Not what you think it is. Although they’re experts at cleaning up poo.

Ass Pear as optical illusion? Disturbing.

Here’s your real Pear… Desk Pear.

Go forth, kids. It’s time for good times. And by good times, I mean hott liberating. And, of course ‘bag mocking. From a safe and healthy distance.

Skin Comics

I’ve got it. New art project: Skin Comics.

A new framework on avant-garde storytelling as art.

The viewer sits on a chair in an empty downtown Soho gallery, staring straight ahead. And these tools run by, one by one. Each one telling a different panel of our superhero: Doucheman.

The art is found in the modality of communication. Ambulatory panels of corporeal story telling. Think of it as a critique of the mechanization of man, the inscription of the body, and the alienation of the image as a projection of the self.

Oh, and I see you too, Betty Hott. I’ll get to you at the gallery after-party. We will sip champagne and discuss Proust, and then I will grab your butt with deep repose, and pensive aplomb.

HCwDB Hallows Eve Contd III

Full post coming tomorrow of all the ‘Ween pics, but here’s HCwDBs own g0dluvsugly getting the ladies to kiss the Bra!! Gunshow.

While Ubiquitous Red Cup watches with ironic appreciation.

Friday Haiku

Robopud and bros,
Make monkey poo hand gestures,
While Lana hates life.

The unemployed
Construction jobs scarce for bags
Sign of the times

— ImageWrangler

Gaelic alphabet
tattooed across hairless chest
Franzia drinker

— and you will know us by the trail of the douche

Ouiji-tat left douche
has no nipples; right’s are gross.
Wish we could see hers.

-Bagnonymous

Civilization
Never meant skanks with meatpuds
Aquinas doth weep

— Fyodor Dostedouchesky

Detroit Tigers cap
Hiding on the the ground, ashamed
Can’t be seen with douches

— Roscoe P. Scrotestain

Four scowls and a smile
MandanaBag’s a Newbie
Life sucks in Fresno

— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt

Hott’s face says it all
“What is that stench behind me?”
Oh, it’s quadra-poo

-noobbag

Bagpoleon Strikes Back

HCwDB of the Week winners The Bagpoleon Complex and Josephine respond to the community with erudite clarity:

—-
YEAHHHHH WOOO HOOO YOU I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL FOR MAKING ME FEEL SO GOOD ABOUT MYSELF…

WOW YOU TOOLS MADE MY DAY!!! KEEP WRITING I WANT TO TAKE UP THE WHOLE BLOG!!
—-

And a few moments later, his hott chimes in:

—-
i dont understand why u guys gotta talk so much shit.. This guy is f*cking hot… i think all of u gotta look in the mirror before talking….. stop hating ppl!! why cuz hes got a hot body n u dont? ooohhh wait is cuz hes got the hot girl and u cant get near anythin like that right!!! EXACTLY
—-

Oh no I di’int.

I believe I was just made to talk to the proverbial hand.

EDIT: Bagpoleon has posted his phone number in the comments threads and requests that people talk shit to him in person. 305-(edit: phone number appears to be a fake, sorry Miguel).

HCwDB Halloween Continues

All right, I hear all yer bitchin’ that the pics this week haven’t been up to snuff.

Alls I’ll say in your humble narrator’s defense is that I’ve been swamped with admittedly hilarious Halloween pics, which I’m planning on putting together into one big post in the next few days.

Many regulars and semi-regulars, like dennis ‘bagger pictured here, came up with some truly inspired douchosity.

But as a result of so much ‘Ween, the regular pics haven’t been coming in as much.

So bear with as I clear out the secondary pics this week. I promise to make it up to you. And by promise to make it up to you, I mean STFU, the site is free.

Robopud

Part of me wants to give Robopud credit for busting one of the rarest of rare ‘Bag Hand Gestures (#92).

“The Fonzie.”

Way to go with your retro old-school self, Robopud.

Keith Barely Tries

Listen, Keith, if you’re going to step away from the bar to douche it up with the Kathy Sisters, at least make a little more effort than minimal kissy lips and the obvious Sideways Peace Sign.

And get some Ubiquitous Red Cups while you’re at it.

Wholesome, soft skinned, shiny cleavite on Kathy One makes me want to break-dance in a bunny suit while gargling Japanese boba and juggling two small African orphan children named Umbeke and !chol.

Wholesome, soft skinned, shiny cleavite on Kathy Two makes me want to, uhm, touch them.

Because all my metaphor entendres were used up on Kathy One.

Time for Shots!!

And by shots, I mean vaccines.

"Scrotes and Brunettes"

Play the new boardgame, “Scrotes and Brunettes”!

From Milton ‘Bagley.

Yeah, I got nothin’ more to add to a pic when the douche writes “prick” under his cap while making the universal sign for ‘I’ve never done this to a real woman’.

But the giant hawk on Sickboy from “Trainspotting” is pretty enjoyable.

As are the tasty ambiguously Semitic brunettes.

Mmm… I’d Natalie their Portmans.