Teddy’s Midlife Crisis
Let me guess, Teddy.
The Eighth Deadly Sin… Shiney Head?
Mmm… matching PTP Bunnies tug with wild primal abandon and make the Tuesday go fuzzier.
Fingerpud Says "I Voted in the Weekly!"
Fingerpud is bringing the ‘bagling scrotudinous on a Ginger/Mary-Ann combo as he votes in the HCwDB of the Week.
Mary-Ann hates her dad.
Fingerpud Says “I Voted in the Weekly!”
Fingerpud is bringing the ‘bagling scrotudinous on a Ginger/Mary-Ann combo as he votes in the HCwDB of the Week.
Mary-Ann hates her dad.
HCwDB of the Week
Bring it On. Step It Up. Another three word expression that will end up being the title of a teen dance movie.
With two weeks of pics to cull through, this is a juicy weekly. And by juicy, I mean fecal. And by Rosencrantz, I mean Guildenstern. And by Rosenberg, I mean Goldstein.
Here’s your picks:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Krackenbag
What can be said when one of the Joey Porsche crew sets off on his own to douche it up, O.G.D.B. style? Not much, other than “ballsack.”
With shirtless Fabio pose, chin strap and one of the greasiest spikey blowouts we’ve seen in months, we have Released the Krackenbag in all the wrong ways.
But what of Candice?
She’s quirky hott. Not traditionally cute, but with large sexy eyes and pouty lips that suggest she may be hotter than her photos suggest.
And what of the bra/boob poke? This strange configuration suggests the blouse/shirt was designed to allow pokey boobie.
And pokie boobie makes the DB1 happy. Even after a three day weekend.
But is this combo hottie/douchey enough to win the Weekly? That has yet to be determined. On to #2…
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Melvin the Zebra and Laura Mars Hott
I wasn’t sure if Melvin really rose to the status of HCwDB of the Week Finalist, but the truth is that Laura Mars Hott is so creepy sexy lithe hotness, I had to go with it.
She’s another unconventional beauty who is far more than the sum of her parts. And I’m not just saying that due to the smallish boobosity.
She has the strongest hip bones I’ve seen since biology class. I would sack race a tribe of northern Egyptian Zoroastrian pygmies just for the chance to rub her discarded mascara on my lower stomach while crying “Maaaaamaaa” in Gaelic.
He is wearing strange zebra-esque pants just baggy/tight enough to show off his peen.
Toss in the bling, the Ark of the Covenant tattoo, and the Raiders Cap (auto +1 douche saving throw), and this coupling brought the wrong enough to make the Weekly.
But Paid to Pose? Could that be Melvin and Laura’s achilles heel?
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Swiffer Head
Swiffer Head is classic party poo. ‘Tude and hair gel in a pouty, ass grabbing toxic mix of cultural rot.
The triumverate of hotts did not get the love they deserved the first time around.
They are three distinct “getable” levels of hott, the real girls at the office party who actually do make out with you in the supply closet.
And for that, they are to be celebrated as much as Swiffer Head’s star hair thing and chinstrap should be mocked.
(Dis)honorable mention to The Party Pud, Smelvis in the Friday Haiku, Propellerhead, Tudo and Kegger Dogs, all of whom were worthy contenders and just barely missed the cut.
Which of these three has enough hotness and enough poobaggery to call itself the Weekly Winner?
That, fellow ‘bag hunters and huntresses, is your power to control. Vote, as ever, in the comments thread.
Happy Memorial Day
HCwDB legend Chandlerbag, honors Memorial Day by studying the impact of chest bombs.
Yes, that joke was too easy.
Yes, your humble narrator, the DB1 is in New York and yes, he’s already drunk. And yes, he’s talking in the third person.
May your BBQs be both celebratory and solemnly reflective. HCwDB will return full force, with the HCwDB of the Week tomorrow morning.
In the interim, toast a Red Cup of ‘Train to the troops. And to boobs. Because you can multitask.
Or, if you’re bored with today’s lack of posts, enjoy what is inarguably the greatest two minute sequence in cinematic history.
Mike Fazio is "The Douche of the Party"
Seriously, WTF, Philadelphia?
First the scrotal infection that is Arthur Kade. Now this?
Mike Fazio is “The Douche of the Party”
Seriously, WTF, Philadelphia?
First the scrotal infection that is Arthur Kade. Now this?
Tigerpants
Because nothing says “Straight Outta Greenwich” quite like bow tying the pants with the scary tiger on them.
I would, however, gnaw on Kimberly’s exposed belly area like a grazing African Norwegian emu searching for mealworms.
Not because I want to. But because it’s my civic duty.
And I take civic duties seriously.
EDIT: A few readers have noted that emus are actually from Australia, so I fixed the post appropriately.
Your Saturday Hoffspring
PIC DELETED
Nothing quite says “punk-rock killa” like the form fitting muscle tee, guitarist for Hoffspring.
Oh Angela. The only thing that compliments your lacey arm things is the low self esteem dancing behind your eyes.
Hoffspring does not have the answer, Angela.
The only thing Hoffspring has is credit card debt, a 1992 Range Rover, and a sick collection of Desert Storm Trading Cards. Which’ll be worth money some day.
Friday Thoughts and Links
Random thoughts as I wrap up a Friday and wonder if Tatt Vortex is actually one of the villains from The Mummy 5: Brendan Frasier Mails It In.
The greatness of Bubble Yum has not diminished as I get older. But Bazooka will always rule the roost of the over-sugared gum kingdom.
All plants should be cactii. Then I wouldn’t have to remember to water them.
The video game that changed it all but never gets its due? Zaxxon.
Here’s your Friday links:
Italian Energy Drink ditches subtext.
From Australia comes crime scene hottie Clare, who proudly proclaims to the camera, “The fatter wog said to the skinnier wog, ‘Oi bro, you slept with my cousin’.” I don’t know what this means. I think it’s racist. But she’s hot. So I’ll call it “eccentric.”
The Onion brings the funny with their Newscast on an NYU dorm fire. They must’ve hired new writers.
The Orange Grooves. Halloween pic or not, it scars me.
Et tu, Jonah Hill?
The ‘John Meyer is a Douchebag’ Wall Clock. Makes a great gift for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs. Or for the kids, don’t forget the ‘John Mayer is a Douchebag’ teddybear.
And yet more proof of Meyerbag’s douchosity. And yet more. It was nearly a year and a half ago that I first proclaimed the Meyerbag to be a douchebag, a scrotal herp sore of taint, and history has proven me correct in that assessment. He is stinky ass finger.
She wasn’t really cute enough for me to run this on the mainpage, but The Douchelick is rank. I’m talking Arthur Kade rank.
But enough on all that is poo in this world.
You’ve worked hard. It’s Friday. Here’s your Tropical Ass Pear. It’s like two cantaloupes fighting over the check.
