Reader Mail: The Hott Saver Intervenes
PIC DELETED
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Dear Douchebag1,
All of my girlfriends agree that our friend’s boyfriend is a major douchebag, and it would be wonderful to have outside confirmation.
We’ve been trying to get her to realize the extent of his douchebagginess for quite some time, my only hope is that she’ll clue in before they move in together or worse, she gets pregnant and married.
– The Hott Saver
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There’s not much I can add to that warning, except that looking at the second pic(edit: pick deleted), I wouldn’t climb into that hot tub even if I was wearing a hazmat suit covered in gauze, surrounded by a Bubble Boy bubble, and was already dead so it didn’t even matter.
EDIT: I took out the reference in the letter to the critter/crawler infectious stuff. That’s probably too much to leave up.
Decipher That Hand Gesture
Using my Scrote-to-English dictionary, I’m still struggling to decipher the coded meaning being imparted by Lorenzo in the back.
I’ve come up with the following possibilities:
A. Help, I’m being held captive by the Janice Sisters, and they chew gum quite loudly.
B. Grrranimals. Two times.
C. Penelope on the left puts out.
D. Can we find meaning in an existential universe?
D. My job prospects are limited by my life choices.
Help me out in the comments thread.
What’s Lorenzo saying?
Cleveland 'Bag Tagging: "The North Coast"
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DB1-
Here in Cleveland, we really don’t have anything other than the rock and roll hall of fame.
Unfortunately this has gone to the heads of many o’ douchebags. They believe that since they play the local bar that they can actually make it in the music world, mostly because there is nothing else happening in Cleveland.
This type of douchebag refers to the Cleveland area as “The North Coast” as if Cleveland actually has some coast line that isn’t a complete eye sore. They throw up the “w” with their fingers in order to proclaim that they are from the West Side of Cleveland.
– B.A.
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Yo yo yo, North Side. Or, in the case of the ‘bag here, the hand sign for “Snuffleupagus.”
Yeah, I made a Sesame Street reference. Because that’s how I roll.
Cleveland ‘Bag Tagging: “The North Coast”
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DB1-
Here in Cleveland, we really don’t have anything other than the rock and roll hall of fame.
Unfortunately this has gone to the heads of many o’ douchebags. They believe that since they play the local bar that they can actually make it in the music world, mostly because there is nothing else happening in Cleveland.
This type of douchebag refers to the Cleveland area as “The North Coast” as if Cleveland actually has some coast line that isn’t a complete eye sore. They throw up the “w” with their fingers in order to proclaim that they are from the West Side of Cleveland.
– B.A.
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Yo yo yo, North Side. Or, in the case of the ‘bag here, the hand sign for “Snuffleupagus.”
Yeah, I made a Sesame Street reference. Because that’s how I roll.
The Meatwadian Bartender
Oh, Meatwadian Bartender.
Your simian hulking ways make you king of your workplace from 6pm until close.
Sure, Jenny’s forearm is the size of one of your meaty fingers. And your Armani Exchange douche-cloth is bursting at the seams. And your requisite tribal tatt flexes with pride, as you tilt your body with sloping gait.
For you are the alpha male.
And by alpha, I mean douchey. And by male, I mean get me another Rolling Rock.
Breaking: Dane Cook Mocks "Haters," Still a Huge Douche
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DB1-
Did you see the new Dane Cook that was out on Comedy Central today? He has an entire section on “haters”.
Why is it that every time I hear the word “haters” come out of anyone’s mouth, I can’t help but want to just give them a cock punch? Is there any way to say haters without sounding like a tool?
– Shamespear the Magnificent
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With apologies to the Dane Cookesque Jeff Foxworthy, if you use the word “hater,” you might be a douchebag.
And yes I know it’s passe to hate Dane Cook at this point. But I just can’t help myself. If douchebaggery is defined as the phoniness of the constructed performative spectacle to acquire the suckle thigh, than who if not Dane Cook? The man could make ordering fries at a Wendys sound like a well rehearsed, focus group tested career move.
Breaking: Dane Cook Mocks “Haters,” Still a Huge Douche
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DB1-
Did you see the new Dane Cook that was out on Comedy Central today? He has an entire section on “haters”.
Why is it that every time I hear the word “haters” come out of anyone’s mouth, I can’t help but want to just give them a cock punch? Is there any way to say haters without sounding like a tool?
– Shamespear the Magnificent
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With apologies to the Dane Cookesque Jeff Foxworthy, if you use the word “hater,” you might be a douchebag.
And yes I know it’s passe to hate Dane Cook at this point. But I just can’t help myself. If douchebaggery is defined as the phoniness of the constructed performative spectacle to acquire the suckle thigh, than who if not Dane Cook? The man could make ordering fries at a Wendys sound like a well rehearsed, focus group tested career move.
Levitiscrote 3:12
It’s like that ancient Chinese philosopher, or maybe Jesus, once said:
Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to listen to Phish, and he will smell like poo for a lifetime.
Tighty Armani Just Voted
HCwDB scrote legend and all around chinstrappy party boy, Tighty Armani, sez: Yo! Don’t forget to vote in the Monthly!
T.A.’s still bringing the ‘tude to the sorority pout hotts, I see.
That reminds me, this pud had quite a run with the ladies last year.
Methinks a vote for the Hall of Scrote is in order?
