Wednesday, December 24, 2008

'Tis the Season to be Pooey


Fa la la la la, la la la, bra!

While Homeless Hawk isn’t the worst we’ve seen, Madeline Kahn Elf definitely revs my motor in a motorboatin’ sumabitch sorta way.

It’s a quiet afternoon for the DB1. Most think of their families during this holiday season. But not me. I think of boobies and cheap sugar-wines.

# posted by douchebag1
Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Pimp Santa


Pimp Santa says Merry Christmas!

Because ’tis the season not be fooled by douches undercover. Underneath Pimp Santa’s seasonal holiday irony is genuine scrotal taint.

But I still want to liberate Sarah Elf. With my teeth. Using only a wrench, a plastic Doctor Who “Face of Boe” action figure, and a small jar of gherkins.

# posted by douchebag1
Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Putting the "Orange" in Orange County


Where’s Peter Gallagher and Adam Brody to make ironic MySpace cracks when you need them?

# posted by douchebag1
Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Mugs Over Miami


I’m blowing away that last pic, Ron’s Bag Tag, because the commenters were right. That was a whole lotta notta.

Instead, here’s Mugs and Bugs.

I get that Mugs and Bugs like to dress up and hit the Miami party scene together. But matching glasses and identical frost tipped hair are a giant plate of poo.

Jenna and Suzie smile and laugh uncomfortably. Someone’s going to have to fight off a forceful tongue kiss by the bathroom in about twenty minutes with a pleading, “C’mon!… lets get back to the dance floor! My friend is waiting for me!”

Indeed she is, Jenna.

Indeed she is.

# posted by douchebag1
Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Tiny Annabelle Gets Swamped


When Tiny Annabelle entered the douche scrum, the lesser ‘bags could only hover, making impotent hand gestures.

Only the Stegosaurusbag had the confidence to approach. And make the highly original “Shocker.”

Won’t somebody save Tiny Annabelle on this, the day before Christmas ‘Eve?

And by save, I mean lick her lower calf area like an angry lemur hopped up on cough syrup.

# posted by douchebag1
Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Curiously Wrong

PIC DELETED

Something tells me the new Altoids ad campaign isn’t going to catch on.

# posted by douchebag1
Monday, December 22, 2008

Utica has a 'Bag Problem

Yikes.

Because nothing says “Rockin’ Club” like restoring a vintage colonial house.

People of Utica, you have my sympathies. Now pass me the bar wench, with a shot of Petron.

# posted by douchebag1
Monday, December 22, 2008

The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttchin


There is poetic tragedy, and cultural metaphor rendered in subtextual thematics, when your orange tan and frost tips age in reverse.

# posted by douchebag1
Monday, December 22, 2008

Where's Waldouche? Lucky Fratpunk Edition


Somewhere in this lineup of delightful top shelf quality Sorority Butt, I’ve carefully hidden not one, but two, generic Fratpunks.

Look closely.

Can you “Bro'” them?

# posted by douchebag1
Monday, December 22, 2008

Head Injury Hal


This pic of Head Injury Hal is like one of those “circle the errors” in Highlights Magazine when we were kids.

I can see the hairsplosion, the hint of stomach tatt, the UDT (Unearned Dog Tags), the hipster gas station coat, the confused, long-tongued hotts, and is that an eyebrow shave?

Speaking of the genius that was Highlights Magazine, whatever happened to Goofus and Gallant?

Goofus may have been the obvious future douche, but Gallant had his own set of anal-retentive prepster ‘bag issues. Both those kids were doomed to a life of dysfunction and years of therapy.

# posted by douchebag1
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