Hawk
There comes a point where the ‘hawk passes the point of annoying. Passes the point of stupid. Passes the ridiculous, the absurd, the giggley clownshow, and the P.T. Barnum side tent, and enters the realm of the sublime.
I gotta give it up to Hawk. Frost tipped at two feet?
It may be douchey. But he’s earned my respect.
Even that hot mom who used to pick up my best friend Brett after after-school in 3rd grade is impressed.
Short Boat, Land Ho!
I’m pleased that Short Boat finally found dry land. As well as F. Murray Abraham in his post-Scarface career transition period.
But I’m a bit disturbed that Short Boat Hott #3’s Golden Globes are a bit more like life rafts than flotation devices.
But mostly, I’m disturbed by the Yul Brenner in Westworld Robot Sun Tatt on Short Boat’s shoulder.
If anyone should be the model for a Sun God Tatt, it should be Larry Drake in Dr. Giggles.
Friday Thoughts and Links
Random thoughts and links on this Hazy Shade of Locklear.
So is Heather Locklear the new Bleeth? The former Melrose Hott was arrested for reckless driving earlier this week. And if she is Bleeth 2.0, can we blame Sambora for his own version of the Grieco virus?
Caroline, the hott from Tuesday’s The Sweathog pic, may be the hottest woman in the history of the universe. She is utter perfection.
Here’s another pic. Holy sweet jebus, she could turn monkey poo into ambrosia. Breathtaking.
Short Boat is still celebrating his HCwDB of the Week win, this time with broheims only.
Speaking of classic douche, HCwDB legend The Batbag seems to have found himself a sunny parasol. Too bad he still can’t find a shirt.
And here’s what happens when hot chicks and douchebags get married. Uhm, I’d like to speak now and not forever hold my peace.
The Sun God
So we’ve finally found the inspiration for Niki de Saint Phalle’s Sun God statue on the U.C. San Diego campus.
The Undie Poke
The transformation from the human to posthuman spectacle is one of the defining moments of post-modern globalism and the spread of packaged eros as commodity in the age of mass spectacle.
As Paul Virilio notes, “Images contaminate us like viruses.”
Take the 1-inch Undie Poke.
This simple display of cloth overlap, something that could concievably occur by simple happenstance, instead occurs in a large cultural matrix of meaning.
The Undie Poke contains cultural signifier. The Undie Poke communicates semiotically, in service of attracting the perfectly tanned boobie hottie suckle thigh.
It states that the scrotal douchewank is “plugged in.” He has absorbed cultural messages and is able to reprocess and communicate them back.
Whether it’s a phallic grip on a bottle of bud, or tatts on his shoulder, large glasses, a perfectly tilted hat, or a stupid-ass earring, we must see each of these as larger message.
Words in a larger sentence.
A sentence that intends to say, “I am validated by product, and you should want me sexually.”
Or a sentence we can collective reprocess and recode. To say, “He’s a douche.”
Friday Haiku
Euro Scrote says “Ja?”
Likes nude models, horses, while
Xenu blocks nipple.
Gerhard Righter bag.
Steals page from Thomas Kinkade.
Leroy Neiman laughs.
— boatbutter
just like john mccain
presence of hott can’t save you
a bridge to nowhere
— bcs
Newest Bond villain:
Oldus McBagtaint CockSmith
For her thighs only.
– darksock
Mandana hides mark
Of schlong and balls; Xenu says:
Get her one also.
– Joe Bidet
You can’t blame Carmen,
Powerless against that chest.
Wrinkles beckon her.
-Amerigo Vesdouchey
“touch my leather chest
it is from hide of bigfoot
very sexy, eh?”
— creature
Camerabags
In case anyone was wondering if the club photogs are as annoying as the people in the pics, here’s your answer.
Although it had to have hurt when that tiny bat flew into his chin.
Bartender Wench, fetch me some mead and a drumstick, lest the King’s henchmen discover us ‘ere!
No idea what that means. But flappy miniskirts flooded the Thames in 1862.
Douchedana Boy
People often ask me, “DB1, how can I identify when the Douche has infected the Hott to a place of bleethed out unredeemability?”
And I point them to this.
Even her perky nose and late 1970s John Denver sunglasses can’t save her from the scrotal orbit of Douchedana Boy.
The Boobie Hottie Suckle Thigh has chosen the dark path. And we must mourn and curse Ganesh, and rend our garments, and stare at her boobs if we can when she’s not looking.
Note D.B.’s almost reflexive Kissy Lips. He isn’t even conscious. Invisible puppet strings, a form of metaphysical douchipulation, subtly guide the douche-face into proper form. That’s when you know you’re in the presence of sheer scrotal taint.
Ultimate Something Champion
That belt looks like it’s for something that involves violence in front of the cheering bloodthursty masses.
And while I’m normally at least a bit forgiving of douchebaggery in service of professional spectacle, that tongue lick and goof hair is pretty douchey.
But there’s no ridiculous tatts, hand gestures, bling or stupid hat tilt.
Since this dude may be a champion at hurting other people for pay, what say you? Should we give him a nominal nottadouche?
Or am I looking for excuses so he doesn’t track me down and snap my femur bone like a twig?
Short Boat Celebrates
Short Boat has decided to celebrate his HCwDB of the Week win by licking up against two of his hotts doing the sexy “fake surprise” thing.
But will he have enough tatt-juice to win the Monthly?
We’ll find out on Monday.
