Pajama Choad
Smirk it up, Pajama Douche. That’s still the lamest lower stomach tatt this side of the Fish Slap star.
Holy sweet can cans, I would chew through a field of cacti while juggling drunken hamsters just for the chance to dry clean her grandmother’s lederhosen.
Gladiator Slap
After the many submissions by readers who dressed up as douchebags for Halloween were sent in to me, someone posed this hypothetical question in one of the comments threads:
If we dress up as douchebags for halloween, then what do douchebags dress up as?
Now we know the answer.
Gladiators. Or perhaps they’re Roman sentries.
Which, if you really think about it, has a certain esoteric logic behind it.
Those abs look like month old rotting oranges. I don’t know whether to be skeezed out by the uberdouchosity, or scrape off their mold to use as penicillin.
No More Douchecoat
The Douchecoat writes in:
——
Hello,
I would like to request that you take down a photo that you posted on your website hotchickswithdouchebags.com today entitled Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Douchecoat.
Although everyone will agree that it is indeed a funny photo, and perhaps fitting for your website, the comments that are associated with it are malicious and hurtful.
I understand that you yourself did not post these comments, but I would like to kindly ask, on behalf of those involved that you please take the picture down. Thanks for your understanding and quick response-
—–
Dammit, what the hell are you people saying in the comments thread? Don’t you know it’s not polite to make fun of douchebags?
Goooo down Moses…. wayyyy down to Egypt’s land… tell old… pharoah… let my douchebag gooooo….
Well kids, since we lost Douchecoat, here’s a fratchoad doggie ‘baggin’ in classic o-face formation.
Ass
I’ve never given out the name “ass” before to a ‘bag on this site.
Until now.
You are ass, Ass. Your “funny” sign summons the evocations of pure sphincter. You are a tubular vehicle for waste exhaustion. She is chopstick hott, and you are an obnoxious toad. Even if this is a halloween pic, I’d still put that tongue in a Cuisinart and make douche smoothies.
And then I’d roll through poppy fields with Asian hottie giggling in a high pitched voice while we sipped boba through a plastic straw.
Kissy Face Lives
Kissy Face says, “Don’t forget to vote in the HCwDB of the Week!”
Oh, Kissy Face. As with last Friday’s Haiku, your face kisses with Kissy Face kissyness.
I know some will say that the hotties are not hot enough to qualify you. But your doucheyness forces me to post you on my site.
Because you kiss with the Kissy Face of kissy kissyness. By which I mean you are douche.
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Douchecoat
PIC DELETED
What would Pharoah say?
Douche or Boat?
There are certain chicken-or-egg questions that plague me as I meditate and ruminate on all things spiritual during my journey of exploration of The ‘Bag Within.
Which comes first, the douche or the ownership of a small boat?
Which comes first, the douche face or the criminal leg bracelet monitoring device?
HCwDB of the Week: The 'Ween Hangover Edition
This weeks’s selection of hott/choad are a bit limited due to last week’s Halloween pics. But I think I’ve found three worthy finalists. Props again to all the HCwDB inspired costumes sent in, I wish I could’ve run them all.
My favorite ‘Ween story came from the reader in Vegas who dressed up as a Joey Porsche type for Halloween, only to get turned away from the clubs on the strip for “not having a costume on.” Heh.
But I ramble. Enough of that strange rash on my inner thigh. Here’s this week’s finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Boobie Sun God
Since last week’s winner, Batbag, tested the hottie/douchey equation by heavily tilting towards the greasy douche side of the equation, the BSG will test the voting in the opposite way — towards the hott.
What happens when an absolutely luscious chipmonk hott with cherubic rosy cheeks is found in the presence of a relatively unassuming stage-1 scrote?
Then again, he’s got the chin pubes and assorted neck bling. But still, this douche is only mildly annoying.
But The Boobie Sun God? Her flesh blessings are Old Testament inspiring. Moses likey. So doth Nebo-Sarsekim.
But are those epic Biblical Boobies enough to carry the pic to victory? That, my friends, remains to be seen.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Jack Scrotington
I’m not sure the annoyance of this creepy skeletal pud got the respek it deserved on the site the first time around, so I’m giving it another chance in the Finals.
Seriously, how often do we see corn-rows prepped for the Fall Harvest with the ample spacing of a Northern California winery?
I keep waiting for an upset Paul Giamatti to run through those vineyards drinking from a bottle of wine in a low budget indie flick.
The blondes are a bit too peroxided for my tastes, a bit too professional. But hey, boobies. And don’t forget the stubbledouche with horns on the right, rounding out the douchey side with additional aplomb.
But, as with any great HCwDB pic, the final determinant is the rage factor. Does Scrotington’s macking on the pro-hotties piss you off enough to win your vote?
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Species Killer
What holds back the Species Killer from fulfilling his role in a Steven King novel?
The possibility of Halloween fakery.
I had this pic marked as legit, but I could be wrong. There are hints of dress-up within the hottie who’s boobie is groped with Pumpy-like tribute.
This brings up important questions of authenticity, how we concieve of “the real,” within the simulacrum.
Does intent effect douchological impact? I think it’s safe to say it does.
Does a pic lose a rage factor when a chinny choad may in fact be “acting”? Or is he still douche?
Real or fake, I still want to kick this tool’s ass.
So them’s your three.
Which combo most resonates with hottie/douchey wrongness enough to win your vote?
Is it The Boobie Sun God? Jack Scrotington’s Tim Burton Nightmare? Or the existential plague of The Species Killer? That’s up to you.
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Bollywood 'Bag
Proving that douchey dudes with popped coat collars are chasing hotts around the world, in every culture, comes this video from the land of Vishnu and Ganesh.
Third Cinema Douchebaggery? Or simply creepy, bizarre and the type you want to wash your hands every fifteen minutes for the next six hours after watching?
I’m not sure.
But it’s Sunday. The DB1 nurses an especially violent hangover and contemplates the further mutations of the douche plague of greater Los Angeles after a night of hottie chasing.
So why not dig on a little Bollywood insanity?
Ask DB1: Shirtless Douchebaggery
PIC DELETED
snarky writes in:
——
DB1-
Have you seen any studies about the increased rate of Grieco virus infection from shirtless douche bags?
Logic would dictate a shirtless douche would spread the virus (highly maintained strain in a mixture of axe body spray and spray on tan) at an accelerated rate due to direct skin on skin contact with hotties.
CDC should be on red alert if my theory is correct. The U.S. is not equipped to handle the increase in bandanas, eye brow wax, and vintage tee shirts if these douche bags begin to take over.
— Snarky
——
Shirtless douchebaggery is a potent new mutation among douchological development. Even in the relatively benign gaggle of frat choads pictured here, you can see mini-douche take sprout.
Notice the ‘bag particles sliding down their arms, moving around the ubiquitous red cups, and attempting to hop on and mount Jenny, Sally and Jenny from the sorority house down the street.
Studies have not yet determined the exact impact of this disturbing development. Studies also haven’t figured out why hotts seem to love tiny dog-rats named “Floofy” either.
