Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Fan Mail

can you please remove my picture from your website.

Barbie and The Muscle 'Bag

I want to seperate these two with a fire hose. Sweaty, saggy, Oldie McGrease, fondling this petite, enhanced, Griecoed out barbie doll simply offends the Lords of Kobol.

There is no coming back for inflato-raft Barbie here. Prolonged exposure to a Source-Douche has rendered into a state of pure, cooked, 100% Bleeth. All that’s missing is the mug shot.

Damn, this pic is too much for DB1 on a Sunday. That’s what I get for eating way too much pizza after seeing “Casino Royale” last night. Megods, I would set my eyebrows on fire just for the chance to floss Eva Green’s cat’s teeth.

Fish Boy

I can’t tell how hot this pimped out hottie is, but any half-drunk college chick with a red feather boa makes me happy in the happy place where happiness happys the happy.

As to Fish Boy douchebag, the signs are subtle but ‘bag status is achieved through ‘bag-face.

Tell me you don’t want to dunk that face into a tub full of pirhannas.

Douchey Style II

One pic of a douchey style HCwD formation is simply a travesty. Two is an epidemic. Douchey doggie slapping is sweeping the ‘bag populace like a sub-strain virus. Horse ‘Bag here only makes it worse with his greasy head and shiney low cut blowse.

It ain’t the most flattering pic for blondie, but I’d still tiptoe through the tulips to fill out her W4 tax forms in March.

The Jeans miniskirt is definitely a DB1 fave these days. And those legs. Mein gott. Fantastic.

Night Train

Just wanted to give a shout-out special thanks to those of you who donated to help keep the site going. Every little bit is appreciated to defray the costs of the site, even five bucks.

I’m putting the donate button over to the left. No, on the other side of this terrifying heaping pile of douche.

To the vast majority who ignored the pledge drive, believe me I understand. Nothing’s ‘baggier than some douchebag with a website asking for cash. However, alls I ask is that if you enjoy coming to the site and appreciate all the HCwD hunting your humble narrator has performed, throw a few bucks my way. Paypal keeps you anonymous and you can donate by credit card without registering a PayPal account, and all that good stuff.

So help a douchebag out when you get a chance. It’s appreciated. There’s plenty more hair gelled out Jesus blinged douchebags who deserve our mocking and contempt. Help keep our ‘bag hunting going by kicking in a Night Train donation or two. If you don’t and you end up seeing your ex getting fondled by some greased up Jersey scrote on the site, well, it’s karma baby. Karma.

And if you don’t, I’m going to leave this pic up all weekend.

Friday Pirate Haiku

Arrrr! Matey of Scrote,
Your douche ship sets sail anon.
Cleavite down below.

EDIT: boingy in the comments section, chimes in:

hector the pirate
sailed the seven seas of scrote
for second rate trim

Anime Girl and The Non-Bag Who Could Kick DB1's Ass

Here’s another dude who isn’t particularly douchebaggy and could easily kick my ass while sipping a port wine. However busting ‘Bag Hand Gesture #13 is enough to give me an excuse to post the finest lithe body this side of Anime.

I would manga her Utena. I would Star Blazers her Mononoke. She can gasp with disturbingly wide eyed shock while brandishing a sword while effeminate looking Japanese men morph into spirit creatures. I would then jump through the air, holding a perfectly still pose with three beads of sweat on my head, before rescuing her by fighting off an enormous tendriled octopus. She would fall into my arms with the cry of a little school girl, and then defend me from spirit bullets with her metal wrist bracelets.

Ahh… Anime Girl. I would enjoy an extra six orders at Matsuhitsa while toasting sake to your supple perfection.

NFL FootBag

I’d line this footbag up for a forty two yard field goal then plant one right in that tonguey face.

The ‘Bag is up… and he’s no good!…

As to the euro-hotties, I would perform intricate T.O. touchdown dances while humming the Monday Night Football theme just to walk the streets of Amsterdam with their older sisters. I would drink Heineken and paint Van Gogh inspired art merely to trade in Euro-Dollars they once fondled.

Yes. It’s Friday morning. And the DB1 is drunk.

Inverted 'Bag Sandwich #58

I don’t know how douchey this generic blob of putz is. Probably not enough to qualify him for ‘bag status. Although that necklace does suggest scrote tendencies.

But I do know one thing.

I would order the prime rib at Morton’s with this blond vision, then make vapid and shallow jokes about how long it’s taking Crate and Barrel to deliver our new sofa. We would discuss the weather and our trip to Barbados in December while we sip a twenty two dollar per glass Pinot Noir. Afterwards, back at home in Bel Air, we would make silent love in the dark while I worried about my stocks.

Alice and the Mad Hatter

Mad Hatter: Why is a douchebag like a writing desk?

Alice: “Have a cup of long island iced tea,” indeed! Well I’m sorry, but I just haven’t the time, Douchebag!