Herpes Soup
The Grieco Virus ain’t the only thing swirling around in this douchebag gene-pool.
Keep them HCwD of the Week votes coming. It’s a tight one. Just like these two puckerfaced ‘bags.
Barbarino 'Bag
Looks like the HCwDotW contest is going to be a tight one. In the meantime lets feast on this fantastic pic of douchaliciousness in which Vinny Barbarino ‘Bag has pulled off the rare and impressive simultaneous ‘Bag Headlock/Hand Gesture move with one arm. That’s like popping one’s collar using only shoulder shrugs. It’s ‘Bag Olympics level performance.
Sexy Librarian rocks my digital pixelated world. She is fantastic. Love those glasses and visible bra-strap. Her facial expression shows an unBleethed cutie fully aware of her predicament o’ douchebaggery. She’s so fantastic, my penis, Spike, wanted to comment.
DB1: What did you want to say, Spike?
Spike: Stop beating me.
DB1: No, about the pic.
Spike: Oh. I really, really, really like the color white right now.
DB1: So do I, Spike my old friend. So do I.
HCwD of the Week: Hand 'Bag Edition
Nothing fancy about this week’s smorgasboard, just your standard stomach churning combos of hottie and smelly douchitude.
Since Turburger’s a pro douche, we’re going with amateur hour this week. Those fumbling scrotes desperate to score and willing to put on any body spray and upturned collar to do so. White Chocolate just seemed to bum everyone out, but I gotta include this uber-tool. If he’s too depressing to get into the Christmas Douche Spirit, lets vote him out now and be done with him. Chambeshi’s nutsack, however is just too much for to ever look at again, so he’s out.
So without further ado, here are the finalists:
HCwD #1: White Chocolate
There’s something about that facial hair fungle that’s just depressing. W.C. is like a shot of anti-Prozac. He’s so douchey he makes me want to nailgun my forehead to the floor. But his hottie is sexy, and that gaze could melt icecream. So they’re included in the HCwDotW faceoff.
Yankees caps may need to be added to the ‘Bag Scoring List, especially aqua blue. WTF is that color about?
HCwD#2: Borat ‘Bag, aka Test Pattern Putz
This Borat shtick already seems dated and played. Which is too bad, as it’s a hilarious film. But if I hear one more half drunk tool at a bar make a Borat accented comment, I’m going to pound his Miller Lite in his virgeen.
So in the spirit of not being the Nth site to make lame Borat jokes, lest just call this douche and his hot popsicle “Test Pattern Putz.”
HCwD #3: Socrates Douche
Its not every day that we get to see the Founding Philosopher of Douchitude. But here he is. Featuring perhaps the oiliest forehead this side of a post regurgitated Jon Voight in “Anaconda.”
And that cleavite on pink there is positively Aristotilean.
It’s actually a pretty tough contest this week. All three are worthy entries. What say you, people?
Farmer Ted
Maybe it’s all the reruns of “16 Candles” on HBO over the past few weeks, but Farmer Ted here seems to be doing damn good for himself since Ringwald’s panties won him a bundle of floppy discs. Ted’s all grown up, and his clean close shave still wins the prom queen.
All we need is that vaguely racist “What’s a happenin’ Hot Stuff?” followed by gong moment, and who needs HBO?
Abtastic Abby has definitely made past appearances on the site. I can tell by those stylin’ zebra pants.
Spontaneous Douche
Amazing. For the first time we have photographic evidence that if two Bleethed out stage-4 Grieco hotties get too close, they can form a spontaneous douchebag directly from the power of their hand gestures.
Douche-head literally grows out of the force of their combined infestation of scrote enzymes and gelled up blinged out protozoa.
And believe you me, you don’t want to look into a microscope and actually see a gelled up, blinged out, protozoa. Or as I like to call them, AmoebaBags. Douche at the cellular level can be quite terrifying.
Classic HCwD: Billy Corgan 'Bag
Since I feel like having a Bud Light tonight, figured I’d post this classic HCwD entry from back in May.
I love Billy Corgan ‘Bag. So rumpled. So dirty. So creepy.
And this potentially Native American hottie, Runs With Douchebags, makes my Saturday fly by as light as a winged African swallow.
Fri Nite
It’s been a good week of getting drunk and mocking douche. I’m gonna kick back and smoke a butt like Tribal Wig ‘Bag here. Ride the sunset into a pleasant weekend of Thunderbird and rum raisin Haagen Daaz milkshakes. Hey, don’t knock it ’till ya tried it.
And to think some of you questioned this scrote’s douchitude in his first pic. For shame. He was simply douche-cognito in that pic.
So whose going Hottie Hunting tonite? Any good stories?
Friday Haiku
Tribal tat freak-bag,
Please do not rip off my nads,
for calling you douche.
Here’s ‘Mos Douche’s from the comments thread:
Ape man douche bag scrote:
Lame tats, smirky jawed ‘bag die.
Or make yourself scarce.
Seattle Bagslayer lays the haiku smackdown:
Shoulder bumps of war
Like a Klingon Bird of Prey
Two chickas now “owned”.
And kanthor the hung:
voluptuous babes,
die in a fire man waste,
you’re not Spartacus
Turdburger with Fries
Okay, I realize this dude is trying to construct a parody image to promote some form of music career, but seriously, WTF?
Who are you, Turdburger? Who are you really? Who are you underneath that mullet and mustache? Who are you that sports purple lips and hires hotties to circle vacantly? In what ironic self reflexive world of douchitude do you exist?
Are you for real, Turdburger? Or do you simply mock me with irony? And does it matter. Even if you’re putting on the ritz, you’re still a total ‘bag.
