Socrates on Douche
“To fear douche, my friends, is only to think ourselves wise, without being wise: for it is to think that we know what we do not know. For anything that men can tell, douche may be the greatest good that can happen to them: but they fear it as if they knew quite well that it was the greatest of evils. And what is this but that shameful ignorance of thinking that we know what we do not know?” — Socrates
Where's Waldouche: Election Edition
Pat #1, “Classic Pat” won entry into next month’s HCwD of the Month contest but I just couldn’t subject everyone to another posting of that pic right now. So instead here’s a fun little Where’s Waldouche with some of the most luscious hotties this side of, well, a place where there’s lots of luscious hotties. Like, uhm, my place. Yeah, that’s it.
So can you find Waldouche, the utter pile of douche that I’ve hidden somewhere in this pic? Search carefully. I know that you can.
How much do I love Candy Lips in the front there? Answer: More than your moms.
BlueDouche
If I could vote for anyone in this election it would be BlueDouche here, for “Secretary of Ass.” His holy power of source scrote has already knocked off two hotties, one of whom appears to be puking and the other looks like she just got sentenced to six months hard labor in Leavenworth. And that cutie in the back kind of looks like Jackie-O.
He’s running on the less famous “Guys I’d Like to Hit in the Face with a Hammer” Party. I was going to write more but I’m covering a story on off-track betting in the Himalayas. It’s a smaller story but I know you’ve been following it.
So get out there and vote. And if you don’t see anyone you like on the list, you can always write in a vote for BlueDouche here. Or, be like me. Sit around on your floor picking week old cheerios out of the carpet and avoid the sun like the plague.
It's Nice!
In honor of the fantastic Borat film which I saw over the weekend, I have only the following to say about this hottie: “She is very nice! Hi five! But why is she being groped by a, how you say, dutch beg?”
Go see Borat. It’s genius.
But not as genius as this out of control hottie and her test-pattern uber-Jersey pud.
DouchePlay
What was that game in those kids magazines where you had to circle all the “errors” in the image? I’m going to call our version “DouchePlay.” Count all signs of douche in the following pic, including the female signs of Bleeth infestation. I count nine, give or take the fact Michael Rappaport ‘Bag appears to be wearing rouge and lipstick. I’m also hestitant to include Scarface paraphernalia. Tony Montana’s on the bubble. Great flick but with so much douchitude associated with wiggas trying to get in on the craze it’s almost douche-worthy. Regardless, basketball jerseys with bizarre blue silk undershirts are definitely Hall of Scrote accoutrement.
Petey the Bartender
Bartenders, or as I like to call them, “Walking V.D.,” spend their lives serving drinks and going home with whatever’s leftover at the end of the night. Not that there’s anything wrong with that in theory. It’s the red-cap white-muscle bling look that renders ‘bag status. As a result we need a special sub-category of ‘bag for the bartender scrote. “Bartendouche,” “‘tenderizers” or maybe just “Your Lousy-Ass Band Didn’t Get a Record Deal and This Scotch has Too Much Ice, Douchebag.” Yeah, I like that one. Nice bling, ‘tender, and tell “Shii” to stop writing on your shirt.
I haven’t quite figured out what this new trend of ribbon hair with the hotties is, but I kinda like it. It’s sort of like hooking up with a Mayfair Pole. Also the trend to wear guy’s white muscle t-shirts gives the DB1 a terrible case of happy pants. For the douchebag in the middle, not so much.
HCwD of the Week: Pat Edtition
It’s early on Monday and normally I’m lying on the floor in a pool of my own vomit, but you asked for it. You got it. HCwD of the Week, Pat style. Which of these three HCwD pics deserves entry into next month’s HCwD of the Month contest? Pat, Pat or Pat?
HCwD #1: Pat
What more can be said? The pic that started the phenomenon that’s sweeping Douchebag Nation. Androgyne, old school style.
And that sexy Jersey hottie with the hottest exposed hip I’ve seen since my days in the meatpacking district.
HCwD #2: Disco Pat
Disco Pat knows what the ladies want.
Disco Pat has what the ladies want.
Disco Pat actually does have a pretty hot hottie on his arm. That is not an illusion.
DB1 now wants to kill himself.
HCwD #3: Pat-thetic, aka: Purple Pat
Looks like Pat’s hottie found a few snuggly friends. I would pour maple syrup on their toes while reading Jabberwocky in Greek.
Man, that’s a purple wall.
So what say you, folks? Pick which Pat we should use for the HCwD of the Month contest, so we can democratically ensure the most Patalicious Pat is the one we… uhm… Pat on the back? Yeah. That didn’t work. Oh well. Vote in the comments thread.
Welcome New Douchebags!
We’re getting a lot of new traffic to the site and Glinty here, the winner of our HCwD of the Month contest back in July, just wanted to take a moment and welcome you as well.
With his shiny forehead, douched out gelled hair, Jesus bling and chin pubes, Glinty is a classic example of a douchebag pulling two luscious little hotties with abs I would grill at a Mexican barbeque with hot sause.
So what’s the site about? Well its hard to explain. It’s fairly complex. It’s… well… pictures of hot chicks with douchebags.
Uhm. Yeah.
If you have a great pic of some shiny foreheaded douchebag macking some beautiful little baby doll, send it along to me at douchebag1@hotchickswithdouchebags.com.
You can also click on the FAQ in the column on the left. If the column isn’t appearing on the left, you need to widen your window because Blogger software has some weird-ass HTML that screws everything up.
As to me? I’m just a drunk douchebag with a thing for cheap wine and Hostess chemical snack cake food product. So sit back and enjoy the scrote/hottie combos. There’s nothing quite like wanting to simultanously make sweet sweet love and kill yourself at the same time.
Sunday Scrunch
You ever wake up in the morning and realize you slept wrong and now you’re arm’s all numb and tingly because you were lying on it all night?
This pic kind of reminds me of that sensation. Only instead of lying on my arm and having it feel numb, it’s like having my arm sawed off with a dull chainsaw, then having various woodland rodents nibble on the remains.
White Chocolate Chip Cookies
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
14 teaspoons Tag Body Shot
1 cup (2 sticks, 1/2 pound) Vidal Sassoon “Extra Strength” hair gel, softened
3/4 cup granulated [white] douchebaggery
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla ice extract
2 eggs
2 cups (12-ounce package) Semi-Sweet Chocolate Morsels
1 cup chopped scrote
COMBINE flour, baking soda and Tag in small bowl. Beat hair gel, granulated douchebaggery, brown sugar and vanilla ice in large mixer bowl. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition; gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in morsels and scrote. Drop by rounded tablespoon onto ungreased baking sheets.
BAKE in preheated 375-degree [Fahrenheit] oven for 9 to 11 minutes or until golden brown. Let stand for 2 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely.
