The Scrote Ranger
Whenever ‘bags attack a hottie… The Scrote Ranger is there…. Whenever big teethed hee-haws grab at the Holy Cleavite… The Scrote Ranger is There!… Srooooottteee Ranger!…
All hail The Scrote Ranger!
Poised with red backwards visor, white shirt layered with another white shirt, and hands at the ready, The Scrote Ranger will be there.
Oh yes. He will be there.
By the way, nice apartment kids. I’d feel cleaner brushing my teeth with Tommy Lee’s toothrush and rinsing with Paris Hilton’s backwash.
The Little Mermaid and the Coney Island Whitefish
I always wondered what happened to Ariel. Little did I know she’d end up dating a Coney Island Whitefish. Speaking of CIW here, what is that thing on his head? It’s like all his fungle migrated north to try to fill in his bald spot.
New Rule to ‘Bag Status: If your shirt has some ironic statement about what a dick you are,… uhm… you’re a… well… a dick. Wait, I need to think that one through a little bit more. I think I just ruptured space/time.
I want to ferry Ariel off to the Enchantment Under the Sea dance, where I will ply her with Night Train while Marty McFly plays guitar and nearly disappears. Or am I mixing my film references again?
And if you don’t know what a Coney Island Whitefish is… that’s probably a good thing.
The Scrote Warrior
It’s like I’ve been cracked in the skull with a 2×4…
The Goldfish
Goldfish ‘Bag here seems to be gasping for air as he performs ‘Bag Head Butt #3. I want to scoop him up and put him back in his bowl before his gills fall off.
I’ve just spent the past ten minutes trying to figure out what is spray-painted on this scrote’s hat.
Is it:
a) 1930s German Fascist Iconography
b) “Douchebag” written in Mandarin.
c) The stain from when he used his hat to kill a giant cockroach.
d) A sign that DB1 seriously needs to get out more often and stop eating HoHos.
Five For 'Baggin'
(reading left to right)
Hot… greasy… hot… greasy… hot…
It’s like a McDonalds kitchen in here.
Fellini's Douchicon
Not too many people are familiar with the surrealist Italian filmmaker Federico Fellini’s lesser known mid 70s experimental film “Fellini’s Douchicon.” Here’s a rare still from that legendary movie.
Fellini’s wry commentary on the artistic representation of the douchebag received scant critical attention at the time of its release. “Douchicon” was overshadowed by more mainstream Hollywood fare like “Close Encounters of the Douche Kind,” “Raging ‘Bag,” “Skeezy Rider” and of course, “Grease.”
Note the use of negative scrote-space. A truly lost douche classic.
Hefty GlassBags
Standard ‘bag sandwich formation on a Monday afternoon and I’m thinkin’ I haven’t remotely gotten drunk enough. Time to bust out the reserve PBRs I keep under the sink.
That bod on Lippy McSexy is just Hostess Twinkie level sugary good. It’s spongey, cream filled and has the shelf-life of gravel.
I’m not quite sure what both these scrotes think they’re grabbing in their pants. Herpes sores? Aluminum foil covered cucumber? Their spare supply of Tag BodyShots?
Douchebagogen
The spontaneous appearance of a ‘bag ruining hot sapphic action is unfortunately becoming a staple of scrote intervention of late.
Just look at this fat faced tonguebag ruining an otherwise enjoyable pic of permed up cuties fondling each other (even if the two on the right are suffering a deep ‘bag virus infection, likely stage 2/3 Bleeth).
The sexy popsicles congregate and instantly a ‘bag materializes to ruin all that is holy and good in the universe.
We need to add an extra element to the periodic tables:
Douchebagogen.
A fairly radioactive douchebag isotope that is highly unstable when in the presence of attractive women and reforms into spikey haired tonguescrotes like this rank little turd.
No Idea How this Happened
You and me both, buddy.
This Piscopo scrub makes me want to sandpaper my face. This blond pixie makes me want to sing Christmas Carols in Latin with Kurt Vonnegut.
Okay, I need a coffee…
The New Boob Review
The Power of Scrote in this pic is so overwhelming it compelled this young, drunk lass to expose herself. And being the sensitive ‘bag hunter that I am, I felt the need to protect our more impressionable readers with an appropriate coverup.
Yup, that little photoshop magic is Glinty, the first winner of our HCwD of the Month contest back in June.
See? I knew Glinty could perform a public service. Protecting this fine country from exposed boobies, Glinty’s exalted ‘bag status makes him the perfect head for the job.
As to this poor drunk Lohan, you can see her pushing this douchebag’s hand away with as much resistance to the Force o’ Bleeth that she can muster. Unfortunately this scenario doesn’t bode well as the Power of the ‘Bag appears to be too strong. What a total tool this David Schwimmer looking douche is. Let the poor girl alone, you skeezy punk.
As to the abs on display? Yes please.
