Monday, December 10, 2012
Douchiest Hair: Mickey The Polyp
While voting’s going on, lets give out the first official 2012 Douchie Award.
This greased-up Weekly Winner from April beats out the more overtly laughable douche-hair candidates.
Lets look at the candidates. There was The Poo Tip, The Putzschmuck, The Hawkward, Harvesthead, Froey Buttafuco, The Rusty Trombone, even the ridiculous Shmuckholio and Jewfroey Toddfro.
Meegods that’s a helluva lot of stupid for one universe.
But Mickey The Polyp brought the truly douchiest hair grease to the year, and so we hand out the first official 2012 Douchie Award for Douchiest Hair to this anal cyst.
In dishonour to the Polyp we have as promised to one of you by request the Great Grand Funk Railroad gigging by virtue of the Kroegernator time travelling device from the famous Shea Stadium Series. Son.
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Fuck you and the Mulattoo (respect) you road in om Mickey.
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(applause)
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I must concur. Mickey P may not have the silliest, wildest, biggest or most ostentatious hair.
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But Douchiest? By a mile. I want to punch his Mom in the Fazooli for honking him out.
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Fazooli, I says.**
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**What’s a Fazooli, DW?
As Barry Gibb once said, “grease is the way we are feeling.” Too true, Barry. I can feel it down to my taint.
Tp the douchiest hair nominees all have outstanding monikers.
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Fazools is a slang for many things in the Italian-American patois. In my parlance, it usually means money. Although it can mean a broads snapper, a guys nuts, and a variety of other tings. Patois, I says.
I have a patio. I don’t allow Italians to use it though. I’m afraid they’ll screen it in, call it 3 season room, and spend all day watching TV in their underwear. A Vietnamese family ate my cat, Koreans lost my dry cleaning, and since Manny did a faceplant this weekend, Brazilians are the only race I can tolerate.
One of them old Cadillac tail fin heads shoulda won. Nice rack on the broad, though.
I’d like to spank her with the leather-wrapped clothes brush my dear departed aunt gave me for Christmas when I was about 7 years old. I gently shook that wrapped long, skinny, package and came to the conclusion that it was an HO scale electric train engine. I just assumed the cars and tracks would follow. I opened it first to utter, crushing disappointment.
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I would mark this as an excellent first use!!
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laser-focused
or maybe its….
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redemption
1headstrong