Friday thoughts and links. Son.
DarkSock here again, as DB1 continues on his epic walk-about of self-discovery. As you can see below, I’ve been very busy. My alliance with DB1, as his sidekick, has yielded many fruits from our unholy alliance. We’ve made great leaps, with you, the alert readers of this site, in the e’er-raging fight against our foes.
But we still strive to hone our writing skills. For example, our crack team here recognizes that you sad bastards get most of your breaking news from this site – and we aim to deliver. For example – that missing airliner? Our insiders tell us that this tragedy was an act of douchebaggery – namely the incessant desire to tweet selfies at all costs. If this is true, these guys are the first pilots sucked off on a flight deck since the swingin’ 70’s.
But you’re not here to peruse odd goings-on, are you? You’re not interested in the strange ways people perish. No. Let us speak of the gorillaphant in the room. You’re here to ogle hott nekkid ladies. Well…nearly nekkid ladies.
Well, then enough hurling our collective poo in a rage.
For this very special Friday, we will focus – per alert reader Vin Douchal – on ABstinance. The opposite o’ pear. We love both, as much as this guy hates Lamp. Enjoy.
GLORIOUS SWEATY UNDER-BOOB ABS. SON.
Very Expensive First Date Abs.
Someone just got a Brazilian Abs.
Een Soviet Russia Abs Crunch YOU.
I Left My Husband And Took His Stuff Abs.
If Michael Jackson Were A Skinny White Chick – Oh, Wait, He Was Abs.
Time To Back Off On The Testosterone Abs.
I Wouldn’t Mind Getting Stuck on THIS Bridge for 5 Hours…Son…Abs.
So…just puttin’ it out there, but I would totally bang Time To Back Off On The Testosterone Abs, cuz body builder chicks have mad core strength and muscle control. Think about it, yo! I dated a yoga instructor with abs like that, and she could literally milk the jizz out of your dick like some sort of illegal-in-32-states-dick-milking-machine. Only drawback was she didn’t get all wet and natural like – assuming her low body fat had sumtin’ to do with that – so I had to eat her out pretty hard every time before attempting to jam by bone up her dry cooch. I’ve been with some sloppy squirters before, but they were nuttin’ compared to that petite little pelvic bounce machine I got to jab at, despite having to spend a good 10 to 20 minutes prepping with jugs of saliva before even attempting to enter. Talk about downward doggie style. Woof!
And I’m drunk as fuck after dropping mad cash at the strip club on some black/mexican broad, son! Yeah, it’s a business transaction…I get that. But there are worse ripoffs out there. Playing video poker doesn’t involve getting dry humped or tits shoved in your face. The fat chick at the DMV doesn’t tell you your cute before taking you photo and charging $60 for the privilege of waiting in line for four hours for a goddamn license renewal. Nor would you want her to say so. She’s fat and ugly with warts on her hands. You don’t want those hands jacking you off……..ever. But this is Oregon, where the DMV sucks, and the strip clubs are full frontal. You plop enough twenties down and the chicks grind there shaven twats on your jeans and let you grab their tits. Portland has a strip club and micro-brewery on every block. No fucking wonder the property taxes are so goddamn high. Who the fuck wouldn’t want to live here? Oh yeah, that’s right. Non-hipsters. Well, bust out the PBR and Vampire Weekend vinyl LP and let’s get this fucking party started!
And fuck you all!
The DarkSockian prose again leads the reader to question one of life’s long unanswered questions. Is that young Diane Lane or old Mandy Moore?
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Great FTAL.Son.
“Is that young Diane Lane or old Mandy Moore?” either way that is some outstanding SBR.
Something tells me the chick with the big blue shoes is not going to stick that landing.
Hey! Lay off Testosterone Abs.
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Finally, Carrot Top does a good job, and all you do is make fun of him.
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Sheesh.
Front pagers are up for the Fraiku:
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2005/01/07/friday-haiku-early-edition/#comment-186853
The top page picture is awesome. The chick’s fall most certainly resulted in severe injury, and ironically, it wasn’t her footwear that was her undoing, but an ill-advised David Bowie/Brad Pitt, mosh pit, judo toss.
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Skele-cycle is much less dangerous, but pretty cool too.
I just noticed that chick flying through the club. Better slow down on the weed, SOn.
Perhaps next Friday it will be Mons Pubis Day…
Why is that drunk old man not fighting back while the dog humps him?
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It’d Diane Lane sons.
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Good Friday?
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http://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/medical-marijuana-users-can-continue-to-grow-their-own-pot-court-1.1740201
Props to Vin for providing the rock hard ab pics. Personally, I prefer women with stomach muscles no more defined than my own, which limits me to the morbidly obese and the elderly.
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I do, however, dig Curly LoveBall Abs. I wish to tie her thumbs together with packaging tape and drive her to an abandoned helicopter pad after forcing her into the back of my truck with a gas-powered hedge trimmer. There, over the course of several weeks, I would slowly gain her trust by decorating myself with sticks and brightly colored objects and performing courtship rituals, displaying my shaven calves and swollen genitals.
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We would spend our evenings together eating Wheat Chex and lowfat milk. After dinner I would recite meaningless poetry to her, directly and honestly, in broken Spanish, causing her to giggle. Eventually, on some enchanted, moonless night, she would become compliant and receive me into her bosom, then I’d make sweet love to her like a dog humps a doggie bed.
http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/354018-i-cant-fap-to-this
I’ve been AWOL. SOUPer busy at work and shit, son. And by super busy I mean $$$$’s
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Abs are what it’s all about. I like leaving a map of Hawaii on ’em. Nice work Mr Sock.
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Best porn abs are found on MILF goddess Brandi Love . Her main skill is loving cocck. Or pussy. Or ass.