Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Major League Scrote

Remember when Willie “Mays” Hayes nailed a glove to the wall for every base he stole?

This is the douchal equivalent.

A hat tilt nailed to the wall for every girl that Willie “Hos” Bros pollutes.

Mmmm… ass pear paw prints leave me both attracted and repulsed. I suffer from the douchadox.

EDIT: Okay, this is probably photoshopped, but it isn’t every day I get to make a “Major League” reference, so I’m leaving it up.

Reader Mail: More HCwDB Parties

From Charleston, S.C.:

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I’m honored and yes, you may have my official HCwDB stamp on the party, but be careful Grasshopper. The slippery slope from dressing up as douche to becoming the douche is a dangerous one.

As to the picture you submitted… uhm… I can think of one key HCwDB element missing from the pic. Better work on that.

Tiki Douche Wants Your Vote

Tiki Douche just kicked in the pixel-door here at HCwDB, hoping to influence your vote with a last minute mugging of Claire the Yoga Hott.

And if that’s not enough, how’s about a little pinkdanna?

Damn Tiki D. I dunno. Both Bucky and Gunny are tough to beat for sheer scrotal taint. And I’m not sure this type of last minute meddling in the Monthly should be allowed.

But because I want to set your guyliner on fire, I’ll allow it, although this is not an endorsement of you for the Monthly.

Tung

Some days I just should’ve stayed in bed.

The ‘Stachebagger Wishes for Sideways Peace

The ‘Stachebagger, backed by his posse of pigeon turd and K-Hotts, wants to wish the world a Sideways Peace Sign.

Later that night, the ‘Stachebagger and Juanita furthered the cause of sideways peace.

Because without sideways peace, this world will always be at sideways war.

Meanwhile, Ubiquitous Red Cup monitors all.

The 'Stachebagger Wishes for Sideways Peace

The ‘Stachebagger, backed by his posse of pigeon turd and K-Hotts, wants to wish the world a Sideways Peace Sign.

Later that night, the ‘Stachebagger and Juanita furthered the cause of sideways peace.

Because without sideways peace, this world will always be at sideways war.

Meanwhile, Ubiquitous Red Cup monitors all.

Prom Night Kissy Lips

Seriously, high schoolers.

Put down the Kissy Lips before someone gets hurt.

The Stachebagger

You know we’re in trouble when the frost tips, shirtlessness, orangeness and white belt aren’t the creepiest thing about the Stachebagger’s mugging of the Jenny Triplets.

It’s the ‘stache.

Like El Debarge and John Oates before him, The Stachebagger is bringing the power of 1980s ‘stache with G-Force scrotal pull.

And I see you on the left, Jenny #3. Your bosom is strong with womanly power. I would paw them firmly, then graze lightly on your clavicle, then whine softly for tea time.

Smoot Voted

In anticipation of his own appearance in next week’s Weekly, Smoot and Long Island Sylvia wanted too drop by and vote in the HCwDB of the Month.

HCwDB of the Month

Can I get a wut? Coming off the two-toned weekend punch of the potentally flaming gaybaggery of Cheeto Man and the toxic HCwDB commingling of Smoot, it almost seems unfair that this week is the HCwDB of the Month. But those pics will have to wait for next week.

For now, here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Gunny

Gunny brings the gun show, solidly besting his competitors with a run of silly belt buckle in presence of numerous suckle thighs (seen in pics 2, 3 and 4),

Gunny’s tard-face, hand gestures and belt buckle are all scroteworthy.

But does Gunny bring the hott enough for a true HCwDB of the Month?

That is the question.

For the H.C. side, Blondie’s shoulder suckle, hint of quality boobage, and swan innocent smile, are all worthy counterpoints.

I would raisin her brans.

And then corn her pops.

Yup. It’s breakfast time for the DB1.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: P. Doody

With an ambiguous takedown request that may or may not have meant Hairy Belafonte, I’m not taking the risk and instead subbing in the #2 (in every sense) tatt disaster that is P. Doody.

This is also a first here at HCwDB, in which an award winning slutty hott, Carly, took one douchebag to the HCwDB Championship last year, and is now cohabitating with another worthy contender of scrote.

Carly Hott is like the Roseanna Arquette of HCwDB. First she inspires a mediocre Toto song.

Then she inspires a drippy but iconic Peter Gabriel Song.

Which in turn inspires John Cusack to hold up a boombox in a moment that makes dating girls impossible for the next four years due to raised “Lloyd Dobler” expectations of googoo eyed crap. Which inspired Ione Skye to ditch the sentimental crap and marry a Beastie Boy. Which was absolutely the right call.

Toto. Nice Dune soundtrack. Clowns.

Wait, what was I talking about again?

Oh yeah, Carly Hott.

I have no idea what I’m saying. I desperately need caffeine.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: The Tiki Douche and Anonymous Bikini Hott

Like Gunny, The Tiki Pud brought with him a run of scrotal achievement with various bikini girls, as seen in pic 2, , pic 3 and pic 4.

Granted, all are with lesser hottage than in the main pic.

The lack of hotts, as with Gunny, discounts the Tiki’s truly noxious taint-scent from mockage.

Still, for classic douche signifiers, you have a pretty potent list:

1. The neo-colonialist desecration of numerous indiginous languages, peoples and cultures, all in one single garrish shoulder tatt.

2. Silly belt buckle + chain

3. The douche-face

4. Boobie hottie suckle thigh in tight candy-striper pants

And I reiterate that Anonymous Bikini Hott is not getting the props she deserves. Take another look, people. She is a softwater drink of fleshy melon smoothie.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Bucky Got Mad Game and Kathy

Bucky got mad game, and he got crazy skillz. And he got Kathy Hott.

All sorts of hip-hop wigga wrongess in this classic HCwDB formation.

This pic also brings reminders of College Hotts.

How they know not the cultural value they carry in their youth and smiles and wonderfully white teeth and Prell smelling hair.

And then, like every iconic HCwDB pic, there’s the “WTF” moment. In this case, the welding gloves.

Welding Gloves, Bucky? Really?

So them’s your four.

Which combo most inspires you to fits of rage and cries at a godless universe enough to book them a slot in the coveted HCwDB of the Year?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.