Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Ask DB1: ‘BagPac in Washington?

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Ask DB1: 'BagPac in Washington?

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Mack the Nozzle Voted

HCwDB of the Month winner Mack the Nozzle just voted in the Weekly. For his own chin pubes.

But hey. At least he voted.

Shawna’s boobs are calling their shot like Ruth in ’32.

HCwDB of the Week

This is an epic Weekly, kids. Do it proud.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Leatherbag

Yeee harrr!!!

Hoooooeyyy!!!

Yeah. That’s me doing a southern accent in written form. Because my entire understanding of a southern accent comes from Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove.

Leatherbag moved on to a gaggle of inflata-hotts in pic #2, scoring an even more impressive HC side of the equation to counterbalance his prune smell.

But is Leatherbag choady enough to win the Weekly? Do not discount undies poke and one of the originary signs of ‘bag infection: Jesus Bling. We haven’t seen a lot of that garish suburban gangsta Jesus bling of late.

Yet here it is again. Hanging over a leathery Naugahyde.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Cheez and Charleez

The Cheez brings classic Meathead Partyboy into the equation, and Charleez is tasty mouthwatering succulence served in a petite hot toddy.

Mmmm… Charleez… confused white girl Connecticut wannabe rocker chick.

I would sip lightly, then ask for more scones.

Cheez didn’t just bust the one-off. His mugging continued in pic #2, pic #3 and pic #4, with particular douchetributes in pic #3.

The uberscrote isn’t just the dog tag bling, excessive tatts, douche-face, beefy ‘roid look and total indifference to the hott in favor of his own self worship.

Well, yes. It is all of that.

Add in Six Pound Watch and skull tatt, and it’s all bad. I disapprove.

She’s quality hotness. He’s beef pud. But is the Cheez/Charleez combo enough to win the Weekly?

It’s tough competition all around this week.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Gunter Von Crotchian and Alyssa

The dark horse in the race. Do not write Gunter off.

Gunter brings the creepiest Zombie Doucheface this side of the walking mall corpses in Scottsdale, Arizona.

And yes, that’s a six inch spike of hair. Handcuff necklace. And the piece de resistance: A, well, a piece. Gun Crotch.

I also appreciate the soft snow-powder shoulder suckle of Alyssa, who hates her waitressing job, and just wants to dance modern erotic ballet.

Alyssa, come to me. I will spank you softly with crushed fruit and chocolate macademia nuts. Because you are not a failure for dropping out of beauty school. You are a success for boobies.

If Cheez and Leatherbag split the vote, Gunter and Alyssa could easily take the prize.

Orangina went straight to the Closet of Poo as there was no way I could deal with that horrific trainwreck in the Weekly. Although Orangina will definitely be a finalist at the 2009 Douchie Awards in the Orangest Orange category. Nunzio and Sue also just missed the cut, as did Pepilepsi Pete. As did The Lincoln Log. As did Sushi Head.

Damn it was a strong week for pics.

This Weekly is epic. Weigh the evidence. Consider the pros and cons. And by pros, I mean suckle thigh. And by cons, I mean cons.

Which coupling is worthy of winning the HCwDB of the Week?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

Tutto Scroto!!

English Translation: I smell like porch beef.

One minute or so of this clip is all you need, so I’d advise against going past that point. But Giovanni is tutto douchebago, and the pumped up hottie in the background brings Monica Bellucci quality counterbalance.

So hey, it’s worth running on a hot, muggy Los Angeles Sunday.

Sweatstain Stan

Because college is when girls don’t know any better.

Which can be a good thing in some cases.

And a bad thing in this case.

Reader Mail: He’d Like to Thank Us

Pedro, from last Friday’s Francine pic in Friday Thoughts and Links, writes in:

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I’d like to thank you for uploading my pic on to your web blog thing whatever this is.

Thanks again,
Will P.
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Hah! Pedro expertly turns the tables on the site like the cunning linguist he is.

Reader Mail: He'd Like to Thank Us

Pedro, from last Friday’s Francine pic in Friday Thoughts and Links, writes in:

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I’d like to thank you for uploading my pic on to your web blog thing whatever this is.

Thanks again,
Will P.
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Hah! Pedro expertly turns the tables on the site like the cunning linguist he is.

Friday Thoughts and Links

The Leatherbag is still leathery. Even when out of his furry vest. And even when hanging with the cast of Vampiros Lesbos: The Texas College Years.

But I know what I like.

And I like boobies and Fig Newtons.

Sometimes I like boobies with Fig Newtons.

Sometimes I dip the Fig Newtons in boobies.

But mostly I dip the Fig Newtons in milk. And not boobie milk. That would be gross. Cow milk is not gross. Because it has become normalized.

Yup. I’m babblin’. Time to start drinkin’.

Here’s your links:

An eagle-eyed reader in Vegas caught me out and about on the town. Dammit. My cover is blown.

Support your fellow ‘bag tagger: HCwDB’s own douche equis is one of the producers of the hilarious looking 70s retro comedy, Black Dynamite, which opens in select cites today. Checkitout! This thing looks great.

Douchiest iPhone app of the Week: Amp Energy Drink.

Speaking of the iPhone, a reader sends in his iPear. Slide to Unlock, indeed.

From the YouTube vault: The writing staff of the brilliant early 1990s sketch comedy show, The Ben Stiller Show, the morning after winning their Emmy. After they’d already been canceled.

Here’s a montage of images of last week’s Quartasian Librarian Boobie Hottie, set to some awful Kayne West Casio doodlings.

John Mayer. Still alive. Still a huge ballsack of douchescrote.

‘Bags banned at Michigan Stadium. Wouldn’t that eliminate about half the crowd?

A global douchepocyalpse is forming in the “dating” habits of celebudouche Russell Brand and talentless vortex of suck, Katy Perry, who are now something or other. I liked Katy Perry better back when she had talent and went by “Zooey Deschanel.”

One thing we do know. A bear scats in the woods.

And finally, to salute your efforts this week, enjoy. Beach Pear. Go forth and congregate.

The Leatherbag

Milfy cowgirl dressup means this might be a Halloween pic.

But it’s Friday. So I’m goin’ with it.

And Leatherbag makes me laugh at his Kahn-like chest.