Thursday, May 6, 2010

Swifferhead Endorses Affliction

Affliction, a subsidiary of Christian Audigier’s Douchewear Inc., has landed the coveted Swifferhead endorsement, after six months of negotiations.

Swifferhead released the following statement:

“When I bite blonde skull, nothing comes between me and my Affliction.”

Yeah, I got nothing this morning. More to the point, trying to determine if Susan here is one of the hott/nott ladies, where it depends on the angle. Hott? Nott? Hard to tell. So instead, I’ll eat a HoHo.

# posted by douchebag1
11:23 am May, 6 Chad Kroeger said...

Sweet mother of Poseidon he is a fuckhead and she is handsomely slutty. And by handsomely I mean syphillis. And by fuckhead I mean tool of poo poo.

11:25 am May, 6 Baron Von Goolo said...

What’s going on behind that sliding glass door? Is that a waterboard? Looks like somebody’s getting ready to play X-Treme Rules Quarters.

11:27 am May, 6 Chad Kroeger said...

Johnny got runned over by a John Deere. Mid hot slut Nikki saved him but now all he can eat is Braaaiiinns!

11:29 am May, 6 Baron Von Goolo said...

And with those cheekbones and perfect bite? Hott, definitely.

.

But not take-home-to-mom hott. More like tradeshow-booth-bunny hott, the kind that leaves a tell tale clown face on your fly if you’re not careful.

11:31 am May, 6 Justin said...

Hott!

11:37 am May, 6 Vin Douchal said...

A team of NASA trained opossum relieved their dinner of crickets, Del Taco dumpster and baby rat entrails on Swif’s shirt to create the design pattern.

Christian Audigier’s lawyers sent an immediate “Cease and Disist” order but NASA laughed at the funny French words and sent their trained hair trimmer opossum to gnaw off Swiffer’s ears. The little feller’s mission failed but left a double middle finger pattern on the side of his head in a shout out to their favorite comedian, Dane Cook.

True story

Aint nothing wrong with Susan that a hot shower and a douche couldn’t fix. I mean a douche. Y’know the store-bought douchebags…… NVM

11:38 am May, 6 ashfish said...

Man, this is almost as sickening as when I saw that Ed Hardy had infiltrated my local wine market. My sacred holy place of beer and wine has become tainted with Ed Hardy douche aura. What the fuck has this world come to.

I’m impressed with the amount of product that’s in his hair to make it do that. He still smells like poo, but impressively so. Yeah I got nothin this morning either. I’m moving off this rock in 21 days and I’m too happy about it for douchebags to anger me today; even ones who take their hair style tips from Cockatoos.

11:39 am May, 6 Bagnonymous said...

I don’t think the hottness depends on the angle of the hott so much as the amount of makeup & accessories. Too bad swifferhead’s busy sucking out all her brain juices.

11:41 am May, 6 retard said...

She’s got Jay Leno chin. Nott hott

11:43 am May, 6 Crucial Head said...

Clarence stood in the dimly lit abattoir, his stomach bellowing in a week old hunger, as he foraged throughout the lonely follicles of his beloved in search of delicious, life-sustaining lice and feral scabies.

11:44 am May, 6 Crucial Head said...

… she is hott though.

11:50 am May, 6 Wedgie said...

All girls named Susan are hot. And they swallow, which of course is my number one criterion for being considered a hottie.

So she’s in. If you need more details, ask the Baron.

11:54 am May, 6 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

She is hot-but in that odd feature way- as you can’t tak eyour eyes off her chin- yet she is disturbing as she is playing “got your nose” with the hand around douche boys neck- he has fallen for it as he hides his now flat face in her delicious hair

11:58 am May, 6 tall guy said...

I think she’s hot, but her roots are showing, and not just the black ones pushing out of her skull. Definite cum-guzzler, which can’t be too bad a thing, but as a long term prospect? Not: unless you really want to spend your future spare time haggling over possessions in a divorce court.

11:59 am May, 6 E-blo's Last Thought said...

She’s high-maintenance-hott. Quite a bit of time, effort and make-up went into this appearance.

.

I’d be interested to see what she looks like with my cockk in her mouth.

.

I mean, with a load on her back.

.

I mean peed on.

.

Yeah- peed on.

12:06 pm May, 6 Vin Douchal said...

@ Wedgie

I usually say that about gals named Heather.

If you’re a parent that wants their daughter to grow up making boys grind their groin against the bottom of their school desk, young men to lavish attention and money/gifts/sports cars and older pervs like us to lustily lust after their peachy goodies, name ’em “Heather” …

Since Db1 named her Susan, the possibilty exists that her real name may be , Heather.

12:08 pm May, 6 Vin Douchal said...

^ Fuck diggersrealm.com. Assholes

12:13 pm May, 6 Bag Margera said...

Hott. Although… She has some gums thing going on.

12:13 pm May, 6 Just Sayin said...

If you don’t know that she’s hott, you might want to hire a private detective to find your testicles.

12:18 pm May, 6 Baleen said...

Careful Swiffer, Lamp looks pissed.

12:20 pm May, 6 Baron Von Goolo said...

@ E-blo’s Last Thought.

Oh, that’s nice. You just made her cry.

12:22 pm May, 6 mr.reeve said...

God, I remember when having a mohawk ment you were a hardcore punk rocker. Now it means you are a wanna be dickhead poser. Latina bleach needs to drink so she can actually stand being around this Vanilla Ice punk rock douche. She needs hard alcohol to deal with Vanilla in this mans opinion.

12:33 pm May, 6 Chad Kroeger said...

Dirty little Nikki is hott like that girl from Sin City that killed herself not too far back. Dirty little minx likes it where the sushi and red bull smoothies come out. And I would gladly put it there after the proper tests were done by the CDC.

I’m out. Have to fire a realtor because he is a douchebag.

12:36 pm May, 6 E-blo's Last Thought said...

Fuccen Vin.

.

Jeez.

12:36 pm May, 6 Claude Douchenburg said...

She’s hott, he’s nott

12:58 pm May, 6 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Vin^

You made my day with that one.

.

Susan has a bit of an underbite going on, which is a good thing as her chin can play patty-cake with your tireswing while her mouth is otherwise occupied.

.

@Ashfish^

.

Celebrating your ticket out of paradise? Everyone I know would kill to trade places with you. But then everyone I know lives in the same high-mountain desert wind tunnel that I do so that ain’t saying much. Where’s your next destination?

1:05 pm May, 6 RAPETIME said...

Hot – until you find her hunched over your toilet with a hypodermic sticking out of her arm, sobbing about how daddy always liked her sister best.

Not that this has happened to me. Not often, anyway.

1:29 pm May, 6 Merle Baggard said...

Glad to see the Bud Lite. She’s hot.

2:13 pm May, 6 Vin Douchal said...

@ Mr S Head

this:

her chin can play patty-cake with your tireswing

was genius

3:09 pm May, 6 I See Orange People said...

She’s hott. That’s just a bad angle.

7:49 pm May, 6 Whoop-di-douche said...

She’s spot-on Hott.

He uses a standard poodle dog-groomer to style his hair. But I said that before.

Just reiteratin’, cuz it’s true.

7:54 pm May, 6 Douche Scroets Scrociety said...

What is it with all of the mohawks today?

One can only assume that Swifferhead’s gay

He munches hott’s head as she has one for the road

But the douche would rather be munching on choad

8:09 pm May, 6 Wedgie said...

@Vin D.

As usual, you are correct. And here is the hook for you next song about that particular name:

Heather, Heather, whips and leather….

OK, that effort wore my ass out. Time for a martini.

8:10 pm May, 6 Wedgie said...

^That would be “your” next song. I sorry, me no speakie English so good.

10:23 pm May, 6 Steve L. said...

there goes my next month’s sperm supply. thanks a lot Vin.

no, really. thanks!

10:27 pm May, 6 Steve L. said...

look for Swifferhead to endorse muscle implants in the next press conference.

6:53 am May, 7 bag borrow or steal said...

Nott…in her reality only she exists. Notice the backwards lean, left hand clenched, right protecting the sacred budlight, camera stare, ultrawhite teeth stance that says, I am the sum total of all in the universe. Or maybe shes just thinking “I’ll look cute in this light”. Its always the hands that speak, notice the extra flesh between thumb and index finger, shes got some extra sand in the trunk for winter time driving !

12:32 pm May, 7 doucheywallnuts said...

Signs of Female Pattern Baldness point to a judgment of Nott.

10:18 pm May, 7 Doo Schnozzle said...

I have no idea. Every time I look at that picture, I see something a little different, but there’s one constant. Damn Swifferhead. I think that would be the problem. Went back for one last look. Bad move, got another different view. I’ll give Susan 3/4 hot.

2:58 am May, 8 lupus john bijjahnn said...

he is sucking out her brains…and she likes it!!!

8:22 pm May, 8 Lithi said...

I think you would have to have your brains sucked out to tolerate Swiff’s company, Lupus.

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