Thursday, July 22, 2010

Ask DB1: U.D.B. Protection?

—-

Hey DB1,

I’m a big fan of your site, and I enjoy reading your daily social critiques on this mega culture of axe bodyspray, unearned dogtags, scarfbaggery, etc.

I have a question for you. I, like many folks during the summer, enjoy going to beaches and bask in the sunlight. While this is harmless, in of itself, many beaches around here in Ontario (i.e. Wasaga Beach), seems to be the beehive for douchebags.

Is there a way to enjoy the sun while not being exposed to the greico virus and try to get some hotts? Do I need to bring a vuluzela to buzz them off the beach? Are you able to make a baghunter summer survival guide?

Keep up the great work.

Best Regards,

Musicman

—-

Unfortunately, places where public semi-nakedness is legal — beaches, lakefronts, Scottsdale — will always attract preening schroads attempting to snag quality hott.

The true ‘baghunter should not view this as a trial, but also as an opportunity for ironic mock and appreciation for any hottie cleavite reveal that also takes place.

However, if the ‘bags become overpopulated in a specific location, the Gaming and Wildscrote Commission does allow the use of three syllable words in their presence from May to August.

# posted by douchebag1
11:32 am July, 22 Wheezer said...

Friday Haiku redux!

.

ACK! PTHGBBBLBPTFFTFFTFFPPTT!!!!!

11:33 am July, 22 Wedgie said...

Where can I get one of those vuluzelas? Does it make a different noise than its well-known cousin? And more importantly, does it frighten off ‘bags?

11:40 am July, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Hope is lost in Wasaga Beach. The fire on the main drag should have done it, but you can’t keep a bad Gino down.

All the post-post-immigrants whose families slaved in bakeries, butcher shops, steel, and construction from them swarthy countries have denied their destinies by raping the wages of their parents.

Fuckm I’m drunk and they are Poo. And I am moving as far from that beach as I can. Mrs. Kroeger is too MILF to stay in the TO shithole. I think the movers dropped my piano again.

11:44 am July, 22 Wedgie said...

Sober up, Kroger. It’s only 11:40 am, wait, what am I saying. I have some catching up to do.

On that note, it is nice to see a fine example of gsr, on the young lady above, used in proper fashion. Tasty.

11:52 am July, 22 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Wheezer

“Friday Haiku redux!”

.

At least we know she’s a Milf now, and she doesn’t seemed to pleased to be in this picture. She does have nice GSR and the choads smirky smile seems to be saying “I’ma try and get me some milf”

11:52 am July, 22 Wheezer said...

Wait a minute…..are her redwings sprouting tatt wings?

11:54 am July, 22 Bag Margera said...

Wasaga beach is one of the earliest Canadian Mecca’s of douchebreeding. Any other beach would be a vast improvement.

12:06 pm July, 22 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

“Kills”. How appropriate.

.

Kills employment opportunities.

.

Kills meaningful relationships.

.

Kills underage workers in east Asian sweatshops.

.

And on a similar note, is her snatch smoldering? And by smoldering I mean is it on fire? And by on fire I mean riddled with steamed crabs.

12:08 pm July, 22 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Wheezer^

.

Ah. Your fabled skills of “We’ve seen this poo before” return.

12:13 pm July, 22 Vin Douchal said...

Dimmest bulb we may have ever seen.

12:16 pm July, 22 mr.reeve said...

Butter face and Hardybag. She’s a double bagger for sure. Get some!!!!

Go to the water people. Fuck the bags. They don’t own it. We must not give in to them. The water is ours to reclaim! Sorry……sometimes I get carried away.

12:24 pm July, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

See ya later dudes my movers are leaving and I will be hoping on a train away from Douchaga Beach. Only to be be faced woth Montreal Guido’s.

12:30 pm July, 22 the motley douche said...

Um, that’s gotta be his mom, right? Which begs the question, if a woman gives birth to a son and raises him in such a way that he becomes douche, does said woman by definition achieve any level of bleethdom? DB1, I think we need a ruling on this…

12:35 pm July, 22 Eliza Douchecoo said...

Nice to see a GSR on a chick this time. Me likey.

12:36 pm July, 22 Medusa Oblongata said...

Good luck, Rev. Kroeger, hope your head fits through the door of your new pad 🙂

.

I think releasing some sand worms on the beach oughta take care of the problem….

12:51 pm July, 22 Stephanie said...

Douche bags are everywhere. They are easily sighted. They’re obvious. Avoid them. They are also noisy and stupid and never work a real God damned day in their life,unless they cut lawns,and do roofing and siding. They never achieve a college education,or if Dad pays for it,they hardly pay attention in class. They all think they’re going to get a reality TV show. Or be a You Tube sensation. I got news for ya,you better keep your day job,or marry someone with money. They think their shit doesn’t stink. I’ve got news for you, they do stink as people. They’re extending the ape genes instead of homo sapiens.

They hang out in gyms way too much because they’re brainless idiots. The thing about them,is this,they should be used for simple,menial heavy work, like,perhaps as movers. Like repetitive menial monkey jobs.

12:54 pm July, 22 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

This douche kinda reminds me of Ralphy Wiggum, “My mom tastes like burning!”

1:00 pm July, 22 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Send the ‘bags to Blood Beach.

1:02 pm July, 22 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

In a cruel trick of fate, Ralphie’s soap poisoning left him not only blind but also unable to taste. It was only after playing tonsil hockey with this bleeth for an hour that Ralphie tried to go for the motorboat and realize it was his mom.

1:10 pm July, 22 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

I liked her better when her face wasn’t showing.

.

I need a shower.

1:17 pm July, 22 douche bagel said...

someone open up a fire extinguisher on both of them

that reminds me of the new kings of pee-on song…

“these douche bags on fire”

1:45 pm July, 22 Hapich said...

That chick is buffer than I am! WTF ?

1:52 pm July, 22 End the Haberdouchery said...

There go those tiny man nipples again.

2:29 pm July, 22 Deltus said...

Wasaga Beach is too far gone. Best to nuke the site from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure. You can smell the cheap coconut tanning oil and Axe from the street.

5:00 pm July, 22 Steve L. said...

does the Gaming and Wildscrote Commission have any restrictions on the use of semi-automatic or automatic assault weapons?

just wondering.

5:26 pm July, 22 Baron Von Goolo said...

FUCCADUCC!!! Medusa pulls out a sandworm reference and somebody *else* whipped out a BLOOD BEACH reference before I did??

.

If I owned a hat, it would be off to you, Amerigo. That is some deeply forgettable, obscure shit you just pulled.

5:51 pm July, 22 Whoop-di-douche said...

Wheezer might like to tell us where we’ve seen this Bleeth before. I remember her bikini, the black and white parallel stripes on curves, not to mention her buff bod. Ho-Hum, the overtatted Armdouche is another reminder of the old school days when doodling took the place of notes and listening in class, a fine ADHD solution to boredom no doubt, but brought to permanence in a tatt parlor. Somehow the rituals of junior high and high school educatin’ are not what I like to see on the arms of the post-GED class. They just don’t have the cachet of the USMC or the Navy.

6:01 am July, 23 Tony Ventresca said...

Stephanie @12:51:

.

True comments about the working ‘careers’ of douchebags. I would add car washes, as another archetypical place of employment. I visit a local car wash and it is staffed by a bunch of Jersey wannabes (this, in Toronto), but they also employ a token creepy death-metal loner who keeps away from them as much as is possible in an enclosed box with water spraying everywhere.

7:36 pm July, 23 Douchble Helix said...

WTF? You’re all Canadians? That’s an autodouche, isn’t it?

1:31 pm July, 28 Bagwood said...

I like this one. That’s the exact body type that has always gotten me into trouble. “There’s nothing like the love of a good woman. But the love of a bad woman can be a lot of fun, too.” – Johnny Carson.

Leave a Reply

What is 4 + 3 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)