Monday, July 19, 2010

HCwDB of the Week

Three servings of hott sauce and choad soup. Three couplings may enter. But only one may proceed like the rash on my ankle. Heres’ your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Muggy Rodriguez and the Rosalyns

Muggy is a classic “Douche Aura” douchebag. More than the sum of his douche parts.

He may not have the overwhelming signifiers of a louder choadtaint, but something in that smugg-ass face suggests a deeper infection and a greater social crudstain than meets the eye.

And, of course, stupid t-shirt, spiker hair and white belt = autobag.

And then there’s Rosalyn’s Rosalyns. Twin heaving mounds of perspiring melonic perfection in tonal harmonic seventh chord with a sus-4 lift.

Her melody is in the key of boobs.

I took a year of Recorder class in third grade just so I could know how to suckle musically.

Factor in her hot friend Candy, and this pic has hottie/douchey dialectic in spades.

But what about:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Jebus, Mary and Broseph

Hark! And Jebus said, ‘Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of douche, I smell like lilacs.”

I like to think of Jebus as a “fungamentalist Crisptian.”

Or perhaps a “Pentacrustal bore again?”

And lets not forget pic #2 in our pup tent revival, The Jebus and Mary Stain.

Mary is all that is eating disordered in Bilbao. She is the absolute epitome of Eurosexiness, and is to be commended with a light paddling on the bottom.

Broseph just wants to enjoy his tasty Riccola.

Together, they make a heaping serving of Euro crud. And we haven’t had a Eurocrud HCwDB of the Week winner since last year’s Franco travesty, The Eurobag. Could this be the Week?

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Swimhott and Modelbag

At first I was gonna eliminate Swimhott and Modelbag as I don’t usually include “pro” pics as part of hottie/douchey analysis.

And then I asked myself, “Well? How did I get here?” And then I asked myself, “This is not my beautiful wife. This is not my not a douchebag.”

Letting the days go by, Cameltoe cameltoe cameltoe.

So they’re in.

Why not?

Maybe a modelbag in librarian glasses and a super asskickworthy model douche with a stupid tatt can take the prize, pro pic or not.

Dishonorable mention to The inflated Euroboobs, and the tough to not include Tri-Skull Vic and Maria (Vic just didn’t piss me off enough). And I’m eliminating Beau and Mindy because Mindy’s already starting in with annoying takedown requests, and struggled with not including Monique and Tatt Pec Tony but standard issue Vegas Hard Rock crapfests don’t rankle like they used to.

So them’s your three.

You may pick one, and only one, coupling for the next HCwDB of the Month.

Is it the Swimhott and Modelbag? Or the Jebus and Mary Stain? Or the real world Muggy?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
7:08 am July, 19 Eliza Douchecoo said...

You gotta go with the perfectly ripe delicious melons of Rosalyn. And Candy is beautiful. Muggy in the middle makes me sick to my already sick hungover stomach. It’s people like that that piss me off, being a taint out in public with hot chicks. They wouldn’t piss on me if I was on fire but they hang out with this fucker?

7:11 am July, 19 justadouchalo said...

Jebus, Mary and Broseph for the weekly. Jebus is a malodorous chunk of Non-Gonococcal Urethritis urethritis discharge that only a lengthy course of antibiotics will clear up during the course of which no alcohol or caffeine can be consumed. Broseph is grade III douche with shaved chest and stupid hair. Mary is immaculate.

7:19 am July, 19 jk said...

…Jebus answering said unto him, Suffer now: for thus it becometh us to fulfil all douchebaginess. Then he suffered him.

7:21 am July, 19 Anonymous Douche Mocker said...

Write in vote for Tatt Pec Tony

7:31 am July, 19 bigphatnotadouche said...

I vote for swim Hott and Heroin bag. Actually, the only reason I’m voting for Swim Hott for the weekly is the awesome cameltoe and porn glasses.

I have no idea what to make of Jebus but I have turned to prayer in case the world is ending in 2011.

7:31 am July, 19 DarkSock said...

Look at Muggy. The girls sank their lemon drop shots and are ready for another, but Muggy had to take the shot in two steps, and he now realizes that if he swallows the 2nd half he’s gonna do a Technicolor Yawn. He’s stuck between a rock and two soft places. A real man would vomit the shots onto Rosalyn’s breasts, thusly inciting Candy, a terminal alcoholic, to lick the vomitus off baby-bird style, during which a still-wretching Muggy could furiously masturbate. That’s how I’d see it going down.

.

.

.

Anyway, I’m no camel jockey so SwimHott Piss-Extensions is out, and Jebus keeps looking at my dick like its a hit of heroin, so Muggy + 4 ribsacks for the win.

7:33 am July, 19 DarkSock said...

Twin heaving mounds of perspiring melonic perfection… in the key of boobs…

heh heh

7:35 am July, 19 RAPETIME said...

I’m voting for the underdog, already knowing that, like a vote for Ron Paul or Ralph Nader, my vote is a wasted effort, a childish “screw you” screamed into a hurricane of ignorance, or in this case, an avalanche of votes for Muggy McFuckface and Roslyn’s sweet, sweet melons. Can’t blame folks for going with a sure-fire winner.

But I’ve gotta vote my conscience, or in this case my boner, and go with the paid-for posing of Swimhott and Modelbag. She is everything right with vaginas and librarian glasses (a fetish I’ve long shared with DB1) and he is just ASKING for an axe handle to be applied repeatedly to his stupid shaved groin and ribcage.

Sure hope that DB1’s hiding another picture of Roslyn’s awesome meat bumpers, for the inevitable win.

7:36 am July, 19 Turdacious said...

Jebus and the 2 wise asses for the win!

Swim hot and model bag look just that, an ad for bad tatoos and an optical company.

Muggy with the grin on his face looks like he just got done doing back alley blowjobs on hobos.

So its got to be Jebus and his awesome crew, lets just hope its the last supper

7:38 am July, 19 the douche is alright said...

write in for the Tri-skull

7:39 am July, 19 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Muggy for the win. Modelbag and swimhott seem a bit phony- The glasses are fake-and that tattoo may just wash off- Muggy seems gives us that self confidence that will keep him here when he hits 45 has the same job and there is a faint hint that he is no longer a hit with the hotties.

I can’t vote for Jebus on the tiny chance that he is the real thing. I’m not giving up my seat at the table for calling the son of god a douche!

7:39 am July, 19 Turdacious said...

ooops, is Hobo politically correct?

7:52 am July, 19 Douche Springsteen said...

Jebus, Mary & Broseph take the (urinal) cake this week. Jebus gives off a really bad creeper vibe, like he is into some vile form of pornography that can’t even be found on the internet and Mary is pure Gina Gershon-esque trashy hottness. Broseph is just along for the ride. Godspeed.

8:01 am July, 19 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

The cameltoe is strong, but unfotunately the douche aura of Muggy is stronger.

.

And that’s way too much Hott for someone who generally smells of grass clippings, gasoline, and B.O.

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May his douche lips meet their demise in a freak accident invoving hedge clippers.

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Muggy and the Rosalyns’ melonic goodness FTW

8:12 am July, 19 Et Tu Douche? said...

This seems like a no brainer this week, Jebus, Mary and Broseph are gaybaggery, fag-hag, art house ass wipe. Swim Hott & M-Bag are harmless. FTW it’s got to be Manny and the Rosalyns which is a classic HCwDB coupling. Subtle belt buckle t-shirt tuck, suckface smile etc but what puts this coupling over the top is Rosalyn no need to go into detail she look at her and you’ll know what I mean

8:13 am July, 19 Mock Turtle said...

Modelbag. You can’t get around that tatt. Douche radiation at lethal levels.

8:19 am July, 19 End the Haberdouchery said...

Muggy FTW. Rosalyns boob:gut ratio is off the charts, but I bet Candy is better in bed.

8:31 am July, 19 jonezy said...

Take me to the Boobies,

Drop me in the Cleavage.

Muggy macks Melons by the Myriad FTL

8:42 am July, 19 Ted said...

Jebus, Mary and Broseph for the win. There is a certain type of douchiness that has the potential to trounce even fist-pumping roid-rage ed-hardy douche… and that is the pretentious art-fuck douche who appears to be suffering even though he’s as simple as a pimple. I grew up near RISD, believe me, I know this. Plus, Mary is unattainable hott.

8:55 am July, 19 Mr. Biggs said...

For pure visceral puncability there’s no beating M Rod. Wait. There is beating M Rod. Repeatedly. With a nine-iron.

9:01 am July, 19 Bagnonymous said...

I’d have included Monique and Tatt Pec Tony, Boss. They’d be a classic and safe bet for anyone getting their feet wet at becoming a hatter.

.

My vote goes to Muggy and the Rosalyns. Douchelips, Ass-fliction shirt, white belt with garish buckle… plus two Grade A quality hotts that would totally pass for Audrina Patridge and Lauren Conrad (I’m ashamed that I know who they are) in a dimly-lit room. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go work my image-editor to get him and the other dude out of the picture, and merge the two hotties up next to each other like they’re nuzzling their sweet boobies. BRB…

9:06 am July, 19 Douches Wild said...

Manny and concubines FTW- he is a diminished sub-set of the archtype Douchus Maximus, but Douche nonetheless. The cosmic discord generated by this impudent fop in the company of the Rosalyns is the Primum Mobile of righteous mockery in all the worlds, known and unknown. The other candidates are unintegrated suspensions of douche-components, furtively awaiting activation by the presence of some shred of conviction.

9:08 am July, 19 Bagabagabingbong said...

Tough weekly. They are all so choadariffic in their own spewtastic way.

I’m thinking that Jebus and Co cop enough blaspheming / street mock already, and that skintone cameltoe and permanent marker tatt are not very happy with how that shoot worked out.

Muggy ftw – He’s the type of regular douche that tips others teetering close to the edge. She’s all that is tight and pert and pink and slim and BOOBIES.

She reminds me of a young Yasmine Bleeth before the whole sad Bleething incident of ’01. Let us pray she doesn’t go down that road lest another is lost to the bag.

9:09 am July, 19 ehcuodouche said...

I’m gonna vote for Jebus. Another Jesus said “don’t fuck with the Jesus”, but that’s just what this douchebag did, dripping oily douchiness over a religious icon. And Mary, with her Angelina Jolie vibe, is clearly calling for “Help, somebody get this douche away from me and buy me an espresso.” Certainly, Mary. We’ll go to that cafe you like so much. And discuss the existentialist crisis in modern art. Then we can go back to your flat, smoke some hashish, and mate like rabid weasels.

9:10 am July, 19 dbBen said...

Jebus

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Leaving the martyred diety thing aside for a moment…this dude is the type of auto-douche that would shun real life responsibilities and accountability in honor of the pursuit of his “art.” His “art” sucks and is only intended to lure hotts. His 6 year old daughter Aniela hasn’t ever known her dad because he’s out shedding reality by getting high with p2p hotts. But it’s his “art”

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Good luck with that ladies, I’ll be here to mend your shattered dreams. With an orange vanilla ice cream.

9:25 am July, 19 One for the Choad said...

Jebus is by far the stinkiest of the bunch (literally and figuratively), but he’s too oddball to take seriously. Muggy, however, would hit on your wife while you’re standing next to her. And for that, he gets my vote. Tool.

9:26 am July, 19 Condouchious say... said...

Muggy and the Rosalyns ftw. Yes he’s a bit of a dime-a-dozen douche who doesn’t stand-out like the E-Blos and Stackhouses of the world, but I see far too many Affliction-wearing scrotal stains around…truth in advertising perhaps since they’re an affliction to society’s soul. You know, the guys who think that wearing these shirts connects them to world of MMA somehow and that the day job installing car stereos at Best Buy is temporary until the UFC comes a-calling. Seriously I hope you accomplish you’re dream of being mounted and pummeled by sweaty shirtless men…and I hope your MMA career takes off too. Not convincing enough? How about the delectable Roslayn AND Candy? 2 tasty Grade A hotts for the price of one…yes please.

9:30 am July, 19 Justin said...

Jebus almighty! He may be gay, but I want more of Mary!

9:31 am July, 19 The Dude said...

Jebus ftw. I’m curious what sound he makes when he does that pouty face.

9:37 am July, 19 Hootie McDouche said...

Swimhott & Modelbag wins in my book. The pubetatt sickens me almost as much as the botulised smoked oysters I ate over Easter.

9:43 am July, 19 Whoop-di-douche said...

It has to be Muggy and the girls.Who else reminds us of Jimmy Smits gone douche? Rosalyn and Candy are two hotcakes with mounds of sweet butter and drizzles of Vermont maple syrup, while Muggy is but a mere flapjack best left on the back burner.

9:51 am July, 19 Crucial Head said...

The Jebus and Mary Stain, Ftw. He’s only happy when it stains and she tastes like honey.

10:02 am July, 19 Wheezer said...

At the moment it looks as though Muggy is going to win by sacrilege (led by those fabulous BOOBIES of Rosalyn), but my vote has to be for Jebus and his Disciples. Let us think on it.

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Swimhott is delectable with her cameltoe and pretty face, and Modelbag grabbed a few Sharpies so he could have a tramp stamp, even though he’s the one with the blonde moment and put it on the front. But he doesn’t piss me off too much, and this coupling would be winning it solely for the hott.

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Muggy is getting a lot of love, and by love, I mean bile. Deservedly so, too. That smug look makes it seem like he’s actually with these hotts, and the belt buckle reveal is just disgusting. But he’s either just a friend or some other kind of acquaintance, and I think he went home alone that night pissed off “‘cuz them bitches wouldn’t put out.”

.

Back to the Shavior – he needs one. But he won’t do it because he has cultivated this look of suffering for far too long. He truly believes he is akin to the Emost High and that Mary ‘Bagdalene will take his bread and eat from it while Broseph watches. And she will, for she fully believes in the son of godawful.

.

So while my vote comes at a time where Muggy seems to be a landslide winner, it’s my hope that Jebus’ candidacy is resurrected so the rest of you who follow me can crucify him some more. And I never thought those useless “Sunday School” classes would pay off.

10:04 am July, 19 Maxim Kovalenko said...

I vote for Jebus Especially since seeing that pic made me an atheist.

10:11 am July, 19 Wheezer said...

And BTW, I do ♥ Euroboobs.

10:22 am July, 19 Troy Tempest said...

Swimhott & Modelbag. The glasses are real (I’ve had two students wearing them in the past year or so), and her bod is totally smokin’ hott. And Model bag is just a walking talking sack of puke – the necklaces, the wrist…things… the stupidest tatt since this little disaster and a dorkbelt worthy of a Federline, and we got ourselves a winner. And in winner, I of course, mean LOSER, and by loser I mean Goose gargling dipshit who didn’t WAX his gut hair before he got the tatt, so now it will always be an overgrown mess.

10:25 am July, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Jeebus FTW! Why? He has caused me to lose my religion.

10:45 am July, 19 Vin Douchal said...

I don’t like any of these people and don’t even want to think that hard about it. Except Rosalyn’s beewbs, but they aren’t people. They are kissy nom nom delights of silkiness wrapped around tasty caramello that deserve a creamy finish of my own making .

.

So my vote goes based on Db1’s excellent mockery of Jebus, Mary and Broseph. Many lol’s

.

Jebus, Mary and Broseph FTW

10:45 am July, 19 Baleen said...

Jebus because he is giving quaaludes a bad name. He is the “duck confit” of choadstains. Where’s my peewee league aluminum baseball bat?

10:50 am July, 19 creature said...

I don’t often brake rank…. however, for me, Tatt Peck is the swiniest!

10:52 am July, 19 creature said...

break…. sheesh, & I’m sober too!

10:53 am July, 19 creature said...

miss the trashcan that once protected us

11:00 am July, 19 melvil duchi said...

Muggy and the Rosalyns

for his douchocity is mightier than heroinbag and Jebus combined

and the Rosalyns need speaking to with tongues.

11:01 am July, 19 Deltus said...

Muggy and the Rosalyns, without much competition. He has plenty of douche signifiers, but it’s the face/attitude that pushes him into the winners circle. You actively hate him, and honestly want to stomp his face into the dirt. Rosalyn… well, I would drag my business out of my pants and turkey-slap an Australian long-haul shipment full of feral howler monkeys on a humid Tuesday afternoon just for the 1 in 3 chance of tossing the salad of the salesperson what sold her that top. Talk about your boobs tailor-made for motorboating.

Muggy Rodriguez and the Rosalyns FTW.

11:05 am July, 19 Et Tu Douche? said...

@wheezer

“the belt buckle reveal is just disgusting”

Good call I think belt buckle reveal is a grade A- signifier.

11:08 am July, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m with Cameltoe. She is al that is pure and fuclable that baby Jesus taught us to love and protect. Proof indeed that the good father is looking over us. This weeks’ trifecta of blasphemy had caused me to lose faith this week. I will awake restored after a sweet Cameltoe dream in which model dude is de-rosaried by Stackhouse.

11:18 am July, 19 doucheywallnuts said...

Jebus FTW. Jebus gives me douchechills, douchecreeps, douchedoody cramps, the douchewillies, douchebumps, douchearrhea, doucheorexia, doucheima and douchenight terrors. And the second picture is even worse….Make it stop, please!

11:21 am July, 19 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Jebus is flawlessly pulling off the eurobag AND and emobag (eurmobag?) look, and that’s deserving of some sort of extra recognition. Am I right? Maybe the strangulation with piano wire type of recognition would be sufficient. And, he’s trying a little too hard to look depressed. Maybe it’s ’cause Mary purged all over his new Kris Van Assche printed shirt. Whatta dickwad.

11:27 am July, 19 Doucherama said...

I’m pretty sure Jebus is a model which made me think twice as they should get some exemption. But I’m also pretty sure he’s a massive tool and it just isn’t much fun when he’s around. Jebus FTW.

11:28 am July, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Et Tu Douche 8:12–Good gravy, that first line is to be stamped in gold and hung over the door of the Louvre. Glorious, sir, and you summed it up just like I would have if I were that clever and not distracted by the threat of dog piss on my bed. New pooch at Casa Oblongata, I’ve been cleaning up piles of shit and puddles of piss for days. Which, of course, has prepared me well for this week’s voting.

.

I have to agree, Jebus and Mary and Broseph are all mired in the same (black)tar(heroin)pit and deserve to wallow in their mutual crapulent grease and self-pity. Art house refuse, indeed, these are the same morons who wipe their genital discharges on newspaper and sell it for five grand, while I bust my ass on paintings that stack up like bodies in my basement. I want to hit them all in the head with an aluminum baseball bat, but not vote them in for the weekly.

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Swimhott and modelbag are the same third-gen hipster trash that have been infiltrating popular media for the last few years, haunting American Apparel and such. I want to hit them both in the head with a chrome barstool (from a place that does NOT serve PBR), but not vote them in for the weekly.

.

Which leaves Muggy. All kinds of suck-face, cocky, punchable status quodouche, that one. Between the pillowy perfection of those two loaves of manna lies a chunk of dense, cheap meat that doesn’t belong there. It needs to be cycled through my dog and then grunted out in a grassy field for the flies to take roost and spawn. Muggy FTW.

11:30 am July, 19 ElderDouch said...

I’ll have to vote for the Boobies

Muggy Rodriguez and the Rosalyns FTW

11:30 am July, 19 Mr. White said...

Jebus for the win, and Vaguely Ethnic Ballet Hott for my love/lust.

11:55 am July, 19 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Jebus FTW

Normally I would attempt to say something slightly funny but Jebus and friends have short circuited that part of my brain. They are just strange beyond belief.

11:57 am July, 19 Whoop-di-douche said...

Yea, perhaps I should modify my vote to Jebus, Mary and Joseph. His appearance reminds me more of a Hindu meditation gone wrong than of Savior-Man, and the hotchick a contemporary instead of his Holy Mother. A Christian might then be excused for slipping a Viagra in with the wine in holy communion, so that one could experience the second coming of Jebus Christ to cleanse the douche-stains away.

12:34 pm July, 19 Doucheachusetts said...

MUGGY

12:51 pm July, 19 Douchelips said...

While I’m in love with Swimhott and her cameltoe, I have to give the weekly win to Jebus, Mary and Broseph. Such a disgusting pairing will make anyone question their religious convictions.

1:23 pm July, 19 tall guy said...

While Jebus, Mary and Broseph may have perfected looks indicating benevolence that defy absurdity, ridiculousness or even their profound purpose, the more philosophically minded amongst us will have no doubt noticed that their ‘look’ is but a subtle metaphor for douche, which in their case combines camaraderie, competitiveness and the satisfaction of having committed themselves to a cause that took, indeed takes, them out of the comfort zone of everyday life. Their central tenet of faith, though mocked by the Puritans as being nonsensical bogus magic, nevertheless appropriates and subverts the words involved into the phrase ‘hocus-pocus’ that those same Puritans hoped to ridicule the beliefs of their rivals i.e., J,M&B FTW!

1:34 pm July, 19 Steve L. said...

Jebus FTW, hands down. unless a douche version of Mohammed comes along or something.

1:34 pm July, 19 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

I can’t vote for professionals, so Swimhott and Modelbag are out. Plus, I have pity on Jebus and his apostles. Those photos appear to originate from a crackhouse. Those photos could be years old, and in the meantime Broseph may have spent his last dollar on a bottle of Thunderbird, After emptying the bottle je slammed its empty carcass on the floor. Then he used the biggest piece to slash his wrists, and lurch off into the warm embrace of the local Pauper’s grave.

Muggy by process of elimination. And, by elimination, I mean Rosalyn’s rack.

1:57 pm July, 19 Donkster said...

Muggy. If I saw him make that face in person I would punch him immediately as a reflex action. It’s not many a douche that causes the immediate auto reflex punch.

2:04 pm July, 19 massengill said...

Yes, Modelbag either infiltrated an American Apparel photo shoot or he is “working” one.

Maybe it’s because they are semi-nude, but JM&B seem more like art-school models than art-school students. I can’t vote for Jebus, though, because I don’t think he likes Mary in that way.

It would seem my vote for Muggy is a de facto vote, then, but he has some clear douche signifiers:

1. Affliction T

2. White belt (adorned with giant buckle)

3. Hair fwip

4. Kissy face

I almost want to add “over-sized watch face” but I think his is sort of straddling the hugeness threshold.

Rosalyn crossed the hugeness threshold and never looked back. And we thank her for it.

2:09 pm July, 19 scrotum pole said...

Muggy Rodriguez and Rosalynget my vote, I’m not a violent man, but If I saw Muggy walking down the street, I’d swerve to hit him, and laugh hysterically, as I looked at him in the rearview mirror, writhing in pain on the road.

Last night on the other hand, I dreamed that Rosalyn was playfully bouncing her supple breasts about my face and neck while calling me naughty names.

When I awoke, my wife was beating me with a sack of oranges and cussing me for peeing on the bathroom floor again.

2:11 pm July, 19 Bag Margera said...

I’m gonna keep it short this week because I’m starting to notice that the biggest douchebags seem to be missing the voting process entirely lately. Not enough roidbags, tatt bags, and goth bags are getting their due. I mean for jebus sakes, a guy had a pee/roid discharge in his thong last week, and he didn’t even get a dishonourable mention. And he’s replaced by what? Muggy? Fuck muggy! Muggy didn’t do nothing but go to a bar with a white belt and made a duck face. This is so wrong! I’m suspecting this vote is rigged, and so I protest.

.

Still it’s my constitutional duty to exercise my vote, so… Jebus.

2:21 pm July, 19 G said...

Muggy has to win, just for the douche face alone. And the hotts are hott. Not much else to say for this week.

2:45 pm July, 19 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Muggy FTW. And by win, I mean Rosalyns. And isn’t Modelbag Tom Cruise??

3:00 pm July, 19 mr.reeve said...

Muggy Rodriguez and the Rosalyns FTW. Muggy’s face says “punch me” and the Rosalyns melon’s say “Please partake of our ripe melons. For they are all that is good in this choad stained picture.”

3:01 pm July, 19 Tony Ventresca said...

I cast my vote for #2, the Flying Jebusmonster. May he keep his limp noodly appendage far, far away from Mary, my future ex-wife, who is beautiful to my eyes, but for some odd reason is wearing 1980s black tights and pixie boots and sitting on the floor with two greasestains who are going to ruin that nice laminated hardwood.

I cannot vote for #1. Why? Although the douche is clearly a douchebag, the hotts are clearly just middle class suburban girls who clean up well for ‘club night’ but are excruciatingly boring during the rest of the week. Which means they are not hotts at all.

I also cannot vote for #3. No reason, other than it looks like a Tom Ford advertisment (one of the non-homo-erotic ones).

3:16 pm July, 19 Horace Dangleballs said...

Cameltoe Swimhott almost earned my vote… but the Larry “Bud” Melman glasses freak me out.

While I would enjoy watching Busted Ravioli Mary being sexually assaulted by members of the Tenth Legion as Broseph and Jebus were slowly crucified, they don’t beat Muggy and the Rosalyns. Muggy has douche factor five written all over him and his face looks like he just swallowed the sour pickle he had been warming in his rectum. Rosalyn’s chest cannons fill me with vim and vigor.

3:48 pm July, 19 Sack O Douche said...

Muggy is taint and turd mixed with MMA faux toughness. The Rosalyns make me wanna eat watermelons and spit the seeds all over Muggy’s Honda Civic. After, the Rosalyns would thank me with boobie pillow time at the Motel 6.

Mug & the Rosalyns’Melons FTW

3:59 pm July, 19 Poultry Turd said...

Green card or not, Muggy Rodriguez should be tied to a fencepost in the Maricopa County desert, and left to the tender mercies of the 120 degree heat, the buzzards and pickup truck loads of Arizona rednecks.

4:06 pm July, 19 Douches Wild said...

Fugg, I vote for MUGGY, not Manny as I first reported- His GF’s hand magnets had my mind awash with a debilitating smut reverie.

4:13 pm July, 19 Dex said...

You look yourself in the mirror, and you ask yourself “how much must one devote himself to the arts of being a douchebag, to actually be elevated to the status of ‘bag religious icon?” Jebus is so powerful that we don’t even seen to realize that Mary is a mid-8, at best.

The likes of the Oompa Prompas and Cro’ Bagnon may emulate mythical goblins and ogres, but let’s face it, we’ve yet to see someone rise to the status of divinity. Divinibag.

4:36 pm July, 19 Architeuthis Douche said...

Swimhott and Modelbag by a nose over the Jebus. Both are useless hipster types. However, gaze deep into the eyes of the Jebus. He cries himself to sleep every night because his pro union dad thinks that his son is funny or something. The Modelbag, by contrast, is cocky and assured in his American Apparel lifestyle. Fuck that.

4:40 pm July, 19 opie sardonicus said...

Jebus and crew ftw. The self-absorption in His face makes me a believer in the ouroboros tampon. That will mercifully disappear up itself. Here endeth the lesson.

4:45 pm July, 19 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

Jebus, Mary and Broseph for the win. They are a bizarre combination of eurobaggery, gaybaggery, hipsterbaggery and homelessness. Muggy’s by-the numbers- classic Jerz choad doesn’t compete, and the model is just 73 different kinds of fake. Insert clever closing snark here.

4:46 pm July, 19 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

Have to go with the art-school ass-wipes Jebus & Co. because a) You just know they haven’t showered in a month and reek to high heavens, b) he’s probably in some god-awful jam band, and c) they look like a bunch of pretentious twats.

Jebus FTW

4:54 pm July, 19 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Jebus all the way. I am sure he hitchhiked his way down to Williamsburg from Dartmouth College just to show off his hipster cred by dressing up as a coked out extra in an MGMT music video. Those ripped jeans are probably 300 dollars, but he doesn’t want anybody to know. Little does the hot in the picture realize that when this Jebus attempt to walk on water, his hipsterbaggery infects the entire aquatic ecosystem rending it completely useless and detrimental to neighbouring systems….that and he probably has chlamydia from all of his emasculate conceptions.

5:40 pm July, 19 soy bomb said...

At first blush Muggy Rodriguez and the Rosalyns got my vote for the easy win, but after some irresponsible self-medication, I’ve altered my vote to Jebus, Mary and Broseph. Gaybaggery is probably afoot but In mine eyes Jebus still poses a major threat to my bedding of the Immaculate Mary. His whole lifestyle may steer the supple Virgin away from my tender loins and into some nightmarish heroin-soaked chastity den from whence she may never return. Damn you Jebus.

7:03 pm July, 19 tballou said...

One of the weakest fields by far – c’mon DB1 – get it together!

Muggy Rodriguez and the Rosalyns for the win, but put an asterisk by their names .

8:41 pm July, 19 WD said...

Jebus all the way!

9:17 pm July, 19 Lord McBaggin said...

It was a hard fought battle, with Jebus climbing two tough hurdles, and by hurdles i mean rosalyns giant mountains.

Muggy makes me want to give up my 10 cents off the next one. for the oportunity to bean him in the head with my empty beer bottle.

But, Jebus needs castrated so that atleast he can not spread his virus to gods next child.

9:21 pm July, 19 Anon said...

Numer 1, without a doubt.

9:32 pm July, 19 360 said...

Jebus my wenus!

11:57 pm July, 19 Lil' Fartknocker said...

After studying Swimhott’s hips…reminded me when Darryl Hannah whooped Harrison Ford’s ass…then put him in a headlock with her thighs…think she had the same swimsuit as Swimhott…I know she has the same thighs.

1:40 am July, 20 Pierre Matsuo said...

JEBUS

1:51 am July, 20 Istandouche said...

Jebus, Mary and Broseph for the weekly.

2:11 am July, 20 Colossus of Choads said...

Jebus.

I hate him.

2:17 am July, 20 Anonymous said...

JEEEBBUUUUSSSSSS !!!

4:47 am July, 20 Bagabagabingbong said...

@ scrotum pole 2:09 pm July, 19:

Very well proponed my learned friend. I especially liked how you grappled with the torment of, in dream state, believing it was tatas but it was really oranges.

5:08 am July, 20 Manimal said...

Jebus und Mary…

Jebus, because I’ve long been looking for a legal excuse to Castrate a Biblical Bull Cpucky)…

And, Mary, for ALMOST making me able to forgive that evil German Cunt I was idiotic enough to marry… As much potential redemption appears to lie within her lengthy thighs…

6:38 am July, 20 Flounder said...

I’m Gonna have to go with Jebus for the win. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE the Toe but Front Butt’s tramp stamp doen’t bring the skeeze like Jebus.

As long as we don’t go overboard and have Jebus crucified. Because then the ‘bags will claim he died for their sins. and they are forgiven. So, no crucifixions. But I am OK with the crown of thorns and Flaying parts.

7:23 am July, 20 Anonymous said...

Mugster & Rosalyns FTW. The girl on the right makes my crouch tingle and expand. Mugster is a choadster who needs a kick in his pants.

7:47 am July, 20 Peter Ilyich Doucheovsky said...

I’ve been trying to think of a more eloquent way to say this, but it’s not happening. Despite the Rosalyn’s quality hottness, and the modelbag’s ridiculous groin tattoo, I have to vote for Jebus, simply because…

Jebus creeps me the hell out.

9:42 am July, 20 Muggy & Rosalyns FTW said...

Muggy is the douchiest and the right hot is the hottest. FTW is deserving and so is an Axe shower for the Muggy boy!

9:46 am July, 20 Anonymous said...

Mugg & Rosalyns FTW.

Perky titties are enough to get my vote and Muggy’s face is kickable!

10:19 am July, 20 DarkSock said...

I do keep coming back to Cameltoe Swimhott…can we nominate her to the new Hall of I Can Sort Of See Your Tooterbug Through That Fabric? I feel this is an important building to erect among HCwDB’s campus halls. Actually it’s not a building; it’s a narrow alley way between two buildings, concealed by tightly stretched fabric.

.

Crucial and I have the construction documents almost ready, and this is a good bid market right now. Just puttin’ it out there.

.

Induct her into the new Hall of I Can Sort Of See Your Tooter-Bug Through That Fabric (H.O.I.C.S.O.S.Y.T.B.T.T.F.)?

11:22 am July, 20 Guns-N-Douches said...

By process of elimination:

For all of you voting for Jeebus, he is an artschool gaybag and thus of little concern, as he isn’t interested in B his L on Mary hotts T’s. The worst he can do is drag Mary to some coffeehouses and gay dance clubs, but she may well not be interested in straight douchebags. Sorry, in my book gaybags are not qualified for the weekly.

Modelbag and Swimhott look like an American Apparel ad and are paid to look like idiots. And though modelbag makes me throw up in my own mouth (just a little though) with his groin-tatt and bedazzeled belt, SwimHott just ain’t that hot.

So I’m going with Muggy Rodriguez and the Rosalyns as he is certainly douche and the Rossy’s are certainly hotts. Yumma yum yum.

2:40 pm July, 20 jabbathebagger said...

Jebus. Though huffed and I puffed and tried in vain to peel away Swimhot’s flesh colored suit with a mighty stare, I have more than some suspicion that Model Bag’s signifiers have been photoshopped in for the ad campaign, and are now safely back on a clip art CD.

3:04 pm July, 20 Anonymous said...

Muggy & the melons of the Rosalyns FTW

3:21 pm July, 20 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

As Jebus bitched and moaned upon the cross, the crowd of tatted and tanned partygoers that had denounced him for being a total ass drifted back into the bar for belly shots and free hot wings. Only Christian Audiger remained, standing below to behold the glory that was. He pulled forth his sketch pad and quickly captured the gut wrenching image of the young man trussed upon the wooden timbers, blood pouring from his many wounds.

.

“This will truly move the people,” he thought, “It will bring millions and millions together. It will change the world.”

.

Then Christian realized that when he rose from the dead three day later Jebus would demand half of the royalties.

.

At which point he crumpled up the image and quickly sketched a new drawing of the cross minus Jebus but with a crapload of skulls, ink swirls, and eagle feathers thrown in.

.

It became an image that would in fact affect millions and millions and millions. And be affect I mean irritable bowel syndrome.

.

Jebus for the win. S’cuse me while I go do some serious apology prayers.

3:23 pm July, 20 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

The delectable Swimhott and her dopey cohort, The Modelbag, win my vote for two reasons: 1) The simple fact that this pudwad has been lucky enough to snag the alias, “The Modelbag”, is a world-wide insult to every dimwitted, heroin using model who has been paid for at least a single photoshoot within their lifetime. And 2) The Swimhott’s curvaceous hips indicate an optimal level of fertility, and for The Modelbag to plant his more-than-likely mongloid seed within said womb would be a brass-knuckled punch to Charles Darwin’s esophagus.

3:24 pm July, 20 Anonymous said...

Jebus H. Christ on a popsicle stick that guy is a douche!

8:45 pm July, 20 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

B’Jesus, its Jebus! Alongside Immaculate Mary, we have a classic yin/turdgobbler thing goin’ on. His evident baptism in olive oil only adds yet another dimension to this tragedy.

9:31 pm July, 20 Crocodile Dun Douche said...

While there is something oddly hypnotic about Swimhott, I mean really whats with the spandex swimsuit and clark kent glasses… and the bigger question of why does it work so well.

Jebus takes the cake this week. I have never so much wished for someone to be attacked by an albino in the dark of the night.

And Mary, I like to imagine she has a thick spanish accent, and uses it to complain i don’t take her out for tapas anymore… why mary why, even in my dreams to you leave me?

6:29 am July, 21 Dicy said...

Defo have to be Jeebus Mary and Broseph.

Of the others one is a pro shot and the other doesn’t confuse and scare me as much as Jeebus and co.

Wth? All three of those kids need a shower right now before i vomit everywhere.

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