Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Utersladder

One of the vilest form of clubchoads is the “Utersladder.” In Flemish, Utersladder means “to languidly rub one’s genitals on a vonklumpenspiel.”

A vonklumenspiel, as any scholar of Gaelic antiquity surely knows, is a small, wooden rabbit or possum penis.

Because rabbits and possums can be very insecure after breeding season, and vonkumpenspiels help them compensate during the rainy season.

Okay, I get a coffee now.

And boobies.

# posted by douchebag1
7:11 am September, 2 the douche of hazard said...

Is that a purse or some sort of designer vibrator/dildo carrying case?? Very European…….

7:17 am September, 2 Tony Ventresca said...

There is only one woman in this photo, although props to the genius surgeon who fixed up the dude on the left – I’d fukk him.

7:19 am September, 2 UFO Destroyers said...

He has only one redeeming quality about him–that is he is not orange like the gentleman to his left.

7:19 am September, 2 Vin Douchal said...

A hot blonde with ginourmous gams
Begs a titty fuckin’ of them flesh cans
On her face I would splooge
Voluminous and huge
And munch out on her candied yam

7:21 am September, 2 Et Tu Douche? said...

Wow looks like Amy Winehouse, on the right, has gotten herself together. Boobies on the left are yummy

7:34 am September, 2 mr.reeve said...

This must be Tendon Ted’s older brother with the same blank look. Empty. Nothing. Like the two bleethe’s brains.

7:36 am September, 2 Disconnected said...

I first thought that it was Chael Sonnen, who is a legitimate badass and UFC fighter, but then realised that Mr. Sonnen doesn’t have choady tatts on his chest…

7:53 am September, 2 Mr. White said...

O.K., I love nice bubbly jubblies as much as the next guy, but I’ll say it: Ladies, stop with the EEE bolt-on cans. They look ridiculous, and the only attention you’re getting is people wondering (a) how you paid for them (i.e., how limp-dick bjs did you have to give your sugar daddy), and (b) what they will look like when they inevitably sag and stretch down to your waist.
.
For example, witness Stoya. Smokin’ fuccen hott, no beach balls on her chest. This is how you do it. Understand?

8:00 am September, 2 Captain Garanichode said...

A beautiful Angelfood Oreo that I would kill 25 puppies to partake in… Out with that Douche, in with the Captain!

8:17 am September, 2 Wedgie said...

She pussed out and went with the smaller-sized inserts. Fuccen sissy.

8:34 am September, 2 End the Haberdouchery said...

Your name is The Utersladder? Weird, mine’s the Udderslayer, and I’m about to go to town on them silicone confections.

8:34 am September, 2 massengill said...

Both of those ladies look great..
.
.
.
.
.
…from the neck down.

8:38 am September, 2 Sack O Douche said...

This dude is lucky to have the ability to pull not one but two shims. Good job Utersladder.

8:39 am September, 2 Sack O Douche said...

massengill,
Are you sure you want to see what’s below the waist though? Might be sticks and berries down there.

8:42 am September, 2 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

The one on the right reminds me of the legendary Fish Slap.
.
And by one, I mean I’m not sure if that’s a dude or a chick.

8:46 am September, 2 Troy Tempest said...

Hooker with fake rack. A man who wants to be GATOR when he grows up. And an Orange Bleeth. These people are fucked. They have no resilience. They might as well give up now. Maybe they know their fucked, and their too lazy to give a shit, so they figure they’ll just party till the lights go out. Then they will scream and gnash their rotting fake teeth. No hope for them at all. Of course, they will blame someone else – it’s someone else’s fault that they can’t continue with the parade. They want to go to Marz where the green rivers flow… Too bad it’s the dream of a thoughtless suicide.

8:47 am September, 2 Troy Tempest said...

^^^THEY’RE too lazy
.
fuck I need some coffee…

8:56 am September, 2 doucheywallnuts said...

The zwerftocht on the left is a prime example of a Dutch bleeth at its best, fake cans and orangeness and platinum bleach job. The other one has a bad case of man-head that cannot be overcome by a great body. As far as the Utersladder is concerned, the far-away gaze – Douche-Gaze – may be the latest douche-habit to hit the scene in a big way.

9:00 am September, 2 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Ah. Such rugged, chiseled facial features.
.
Utersladder’s are okay too.

9:02 am September, 2 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

“In Flanders fields the utersladders blow,

Between the trannies, row on row.”…..

Why so many trannies this week? These dudes look like girls that were beaten with ugly sticks.

9:19 am September, 2 Guns-N-Douches said...

Bottle blondes with ginormous bolt-ons are a dime a dozen, so the cum dumpster on the left is the same old song and dance. I’d say a full serving of daddy issues with a side order of low self esteem.

9:20 am September, 2 Douchble Helix said...

You guys are crazy. That gal on the left is outstanding. Maybe real, too. And she’s out in public, practically naked. Two thumbs up…and in.

9:42 am September, 2 mr.reeve said...

Left chick needs to lay off the botox. Makes her look manly in my opinion. That and the bulge in her dress.

9:51 am September, 2 DarkSock said...

Alright, Crucial: you hacked the pending posts and wrote the copy for this post. I know alcohol and stress induced drivel when I see it; it’s what we arch’s DO.

9:52 am September, 2 DarkSock said...

If you shaved the chick’s heads and did face shots they would look like mentally retarded men. Just sayin…

10:09 am September, 2 Shish_kebag said...

Look closely, you’ll see that the blonde bleeth with inflated breasts is the hello kat from The Starry Blight who came up in july !

10:27 am September, 2 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Hmm. Never seen a rectungular codpiece before.

10:27 am September, 2 Medusa Oblongata said...

So THAT’S what the Herpes virus looks like under a microscope. Ten gallons of Valtrex, STAT!

10:28 am September, 2 Wheezer said...

Hot or Not? Today’s contestant: the whole “bleach blonde” concept.
.
.
.
•[x] • • • • • • • • 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 •
.
.
.
Why does natural hair color have to be such a taboo?

11:14 am September, 2 Mr. White said...

Christina Hendricks’ glorious-yet-real boobs mock these rancid bleeths just by existing.

11:25 am September, 2 mr.reeve said...

@Shish_kebag,
Good find. This bleethe be gettin around the Vegas club/pool taints.

11:29 am September, 2 Deltus said...

@Mr. White: well, Christina Hendricks puts most hotts and wannabes to complete shame. Not just her boobs, all of her. Very few women are as hott as or hotter than Ms. Hendricks.

11:31 am September, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

There should be kinda law that says if the circumference of one of your boobs is the same as your head, your chesticles will be beaten with a badger-encrusted jelly dong until they match your I.Q.
.
He kinda looks like the bastard love child of the guy who played “Putty” on Seinfeld and Fred Flintstone.

12:27 pm September, 2 tall guy said...

Well I’ve just had coffee and they’re not looking any better. I’m inclined to agree with the simplicity of Troy’s comments: ‘these people are fucked’. Never a truer word written. I’m also off work today because of a ankle injury and as such rather cranky because it (my ankle) has swollen to enormous proportions not too dissimilar to the blond hooker’s boobies on the left. The one on the right reminds me of the trannie on the cover of the fourth Roxy Music album Country Life. Either that or Eno. Fuck, I need a second cup.

1:03 pm September, 2 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Jeesh, I had no idea that Nicholle Tom was goin’ Bleeth, but that might be her clone on the left. Half-nekkid melons in a slinky deep-vee shift isn’t as interesting as a wasp-waisted get-up showing hour-glass curves. When will they ever learn??

Middle Man scowlbag is standard issue glaring example of douche-dick at its finest. I just wish he’d stick that little white thang of his back into his jeans where it belongs cuz his balls must be lonesome.

Coral Carole on the right is wise to stay in the shadows.

1:06 pm September, 2 fatness said...

re: blow up doll on left…
.
Her boobs are to natural as Snooki is to Harvard Law.
.
re: tall guy…Eno is a trannie?

2:11 pm September, 2 wonderdouche twin said...

These are the stars from the porno “Pump Friction”.

3:00 pm September, 2 mr.reeve said...

Here are the two other post that featured both the left bleethe and the dude. I call him “The King Of Sears”.
/ Here and here.

3:01 pm September, 2 tall guy said...

@ Not that I’m aware of, CW. It’s just that when I bought the original vinyl – first pressing – all those years ago the dude at Sandy’s Music in Dee Why (suburb of Sydney) made a joke along similar lines. Eno’s cool.

9:37 pm September, 2 Douchble Helix said...

Bless you, Mr. Reeve!

I loved her then, I love her even more today.

11:04 pm September, 2 Stephanie said...

These women paid a lot to look that way, how does it feel though? No,really? Do you think they’ve ever asked themselves,
“how can I look so I can have ANY man”…and they went out and bought the kit. Fake boobs and all. Surgery costs a lot…was it worth it? But then they settle for that. That was sure a lot of work for nothing…

11:15 pm September, 2 Crucial Head said...

@Sock,
.
Oh, if ye only knew…
.
Heh heh heh…

11:58 pm September, 2 Wheezer said...

@Shish_kebag (10:09 a.m.) & mr.reeve (3:00 p.m.) –
.
Nice job, fellow hunters! I think the WordPress-induced “Wheezheimer’s” has rendered me nigh useless in regards to my old skill, but it’s good to know others are on the ball!
.
But for what it’s worth, that is indeed King Sharty and his Hello Kitty bleeth, and she’s still trying to hook her thumb into her skirt…..except she’s not wearing a skirt here.

12:17 am September, 3 iDouche said...

Utersladder has a very heavy brow feature. This could be due to repeated blunt force trauma to the forehead AKA MMA fighting, or he’s had a boomerang grafted into his face.
The girls are generic plastic man spatter fodder.

12:31 am September, 3 Steve L. said...

hey Gaelic hotts, mise en Seamus.
and that is the only Gaelic i know.
baseless associations rule.

8:43 am September, 3 mr.reeve said...

@Wheezer,
You have taught us well.

12:57 pm September, 4 Douchble Helix said...

I put the two photos side by side.

http://img835.imageshack.us/img835/2655/blondie.jpg

8:42 am September, 5 mr.reeve said...

Look at the brow on that guy. Keep the glasses on please. Nice work.^

10:58 pm September, 9 HERO said...

The blonde on the left is all natural-she’s paid nothing to look that way although she does look like it. To the idiots that actual take the time to talk like Star Wars geeks, get a life & a voice <3

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