Wednesday, October 20, 2010

‘Bag / Nottabag: The Hoff

What say you?

Performative leniency for the genius of Knight Rider?

Or too many chest bearing skeezoffs to excuse under Leniency Rules?

# posted by douchebag1
11:30 am October, 20 fatness said...

No leniency if you continue ‘bagging after your career is over.

11:30 am October, 20 Wheezer said...

I can’t take him seriously…..

11:32 am October, 20 CBS said...

douchebarfbag maybe. hoff almost seems to be androgynous hinting at his popularity in germany. BrunHoffa…fortunately chronically limp thus far

11:34 am October, 20 Vin Douchal said...

The Hoff? You kiddin’ me? I just saw him sing the national anthem at Auto Club Speedway for the Camping World 300 won by Kyle Busch on Oct 9th.
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It was the hi-lite of the day . He came up into the crowd and shook hands with all 25,000 of us. I turned to my 4 year old and said, “HERE COMES the HOFF!!!”
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Unequivocally notta-douche
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Btw, the boy said, “Who?”

11:34 am October, 20 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Not tatts, no gang signs, no Ed Hardy wifebeater (where does one find a sea green wifebeater?), no kissy lips or other tell-tales of douchousity. I give a nottadouche and a go in peace. Or get a piece. I’m not gonna lie, I’d hit either (preferably both at the same time) hott. Even if they’re old enough to be my daughters…

11:35 am October, 20 boatbutter said...

The Hoff is a 300 mil Hefty bag!

11:35 am October, 20 boatbutter said...

The Hoff is such a huge bag, Christo could wrap the Sears tower with him.

11:38 am October, 20 DouchYouWannaDance said...

Is it just me, or is The Hoff starting to bear a STRONG resemblance to Adam West?

11:38 am October, 20 Nancy Dreuche said...

The Hoff is all ‘bag. Even when he had the coolest wingman ever, a talking car. If forced to date one of them I would go with KITT everytime. Even if it meant sleeping in a trailer of a semi and drinking Italian leather polish for breakfast.
And Hoff I would never hassle you, I leave that particular task to your sponser and the authorities.

11:38 am October, 20 Vin Douchal said...

Speaking of larger than life individuals, how ‘bought those Yankee fans filing out in the 8th inning last night? Loserville.
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I did snicker every time they showed Vinnie Gagootz after he caught the close-to-fan-interference home run
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courtesy of barstoolsports.com

11:44 am October, 20 Eliza Douchecoo said...

I’m not sure if Hoff is a douche or not, he’s something, but I just can’t put my finger on it. What the hell is wrong with German people? Now that’s the real question. He’s a no-talent ass-clown, he couldn’t act his way out of a bottle of Jack Daniels. No seriously, he sucks.

11:46 am October, 20 Troy Tempest said...

@Vin – I like the big fat guy behind him yelling
FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! O..
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Awesome.

11:48 am October, 20 DarkSock said...

The Hoff? A bag?
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DB1, 80 million Germans can’t be wrong.
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Wait; I forgot about the WW2 and holocaust thing….nevermind.

11:48 am October, 20 DarkSock said...

@ Troy:
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His name is John.
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John Largeman.

11:51 am October, 20 Deltus said...

The Hoff gets a nottadouche from me. @Wheezer, that video is precisely why The Hoff is awesomesauce. He knows what he is, has no delusions about it, and plays the part. Definite notta.

11:55 am October, 20 the douche whisperer said...

notta.

like the noble st. bernard rescue dogs of the alps who hear cries of distress and respond with a keg of brandy, i have heard and heralded db1’s call to return to the flock of mock.

the excuse for my extended absence is that i am in the congo. literally. not the most reliable electricity or internet, as you can imagine. but the problem has been remedied, and i am back on the interwebs, hoping to humbly contribute my american-african perspective to the threads on a more frequent basis….

i have missed the wit and wisdom of all you regs, and it’s good to be back. much work remains for us, friends, as the grieco virus has penetrated even here, into the heart of darkness. photographic evidence will be forthcoming when i manage to capture a ‘bag in the wild.

i train hotts, i rehabilitate douches.

i am the douche whisperer.

12:05 pm October, 20 Nancy Dreuche said...

Welcome back douche whisperer. We need you now more than ever. Watch out for snakes, leeches, and Congo-conga lines.

12:13 pm October, 20 Mr. White said...

Hoff gets a pass from me. He somehow managed to get two major roles that would typecast any mortal man into career oblivion. And he pulled it off. And he’s still around, reveling in his own buffoonery. Plus, as a geeky third grader really into cars, “Knight Rider” was the light of my pre-pubescent life.
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That said, I’d let the sloppy Zoe Deschanel hott on the left handle my Ring Ham.

12:16 pm October, 20 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

I don’t know, but if laying on the floor, eating a cheeseburger in a drunken stupor is douchey, then I’m a douche too.
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Which I most certainly am not.

12:20 pm October, 20 ElderDouch said...

I don’t care what all you say any one that old hanging on to little girls (their tits are not even full grown) is a douch!!!!

12:28 pm October, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

For one to become a Germanic pop star with no talent, watch Pamela and Erika shake on the beach, star on a show with an intelligent Firebird. and get filmed drooling over fast food by one’s teen daughter whilst drunker than me he decerves a lifetime exemption from douche. He is just a lucky cheese.

12:36 pm October, 20 Tony Ventresca said...

The brunette on the left looks a little young – anyone have her number?

12:38 pm October, 20 J. Alfred Prufcock said...

Definitely nottabag. My main reason is that he has an affinity for self-aware mockery, which is certainly anathema to 99% of ‘Bags.

Evidence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJQVlVHsFF8

12:38 pm October, 20 The Goob the Bag and the Pudly said...

Notta.
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I don’t really think Hoff is so much a douche, in the sense that we employ it on this site. He’s just kind of a sad caricature of his former self. He’s definitely cheesy, narcissistic and a bit of an attention whore, but that can be said of almost any celebrity. He doesn’t bring the classic douche vibe to anything he does, even if he is skirting the edge of creepy old-guy inappropriateness with underage chicks in this photo.

12:41 pm October, 20 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Hof = Who cares? Now as for the possible pedophilia that may or may not take place: you have to treat jailbait in the same way you do mental arithmetic, if they’re younger than 16 you do them in your head.

12:52 pm October, 20 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

The good doctor is correct– Hasselhoff isn’t relevant enough to debate bag-mock worthiness.
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I think the two of those chicks together might add up to age of consent. If you do them simultaneously, is that within the letter of the law?

12:55 pm October, 20 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

Hoff…pass. I’m all out of give a fucks.

Now as for the anorexic mini-hott…I too enjoy banging ham, it has a certain…oh how do you say…”Natural lubricative essence” to it.

1:04 pm October, 20 DarkSock said...

Who amongst us hasn’t lain near prone on the floor in a stupor trying and failing to eat a big ass hamburger? And I’m just talking about since last week…

1:07 pm October, 20 Wedgie said...

Notta…..he plays it up but knows what he’s about. And what he’s about, if you ever saw that video of him that his daughter shot, is killing a whole bottle of Patron and singing.
Dude, I just can’t hate on a guy who likes tequila.
Unless his name is Shawne Merriman.

1:32 pm October, 20 smackdouche said...

To the 80’s generation, he is our Willian Shatner. Notta.

1:35 pm October, 20 Medusa Oblongata said...

Self-awareness and self-parody does NOT excuse anyone. Were that the case, we’d be writing John Mayer a Get Out Of Mock Free card. However, I would say The Hoff is more buffoon than Douche. True, he should be a question on an old copy of Trivial Pursuit, not a guy still making bank based on two roles in two terribly shitty television shows. My lesbian tendencies were unmoved by the likes of Pamela Anderson, Nicole Eggert et. al, so Boobs didn’t even help me to sit through that miserable half hour of shite. I hate to see anyone struggling with alcoholism, particularly in the public eye and in front of one’s children. I do hope the Hoff gets a handle on things. In the meantime, enjoy your notta, Hoff. Just don’t let me catch you in any AXE commercials or anything like that.

1:38 pm October, 20 Medusa Oblongata said...

RE Vin’s link @ 11:38
Last night i finally viewed the South Park ‘Jersey” episode, now I’m looking at the Baseball Gagootzes. I’m pretty well convinced now that the entire east coast needs to be nuked. And I’m going to start telling people that Mr. B. is Armenian.

1:41 pm October, 20 Crucial Head said...

Pass.
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I need him to give me a liver.
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You think I’m playing?

1:56 pm October, 20 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Notta. He preceded the trend and is in a similar category as orange-for-lifer George Hamilton.

2:02 pm October, 20 jonezy said...

Didn’t we give Gunther a pass for performaty?
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The Hoff- an enigma wrapped in a riddle, driving a talking car. The question is, was KITT a douche???

2:05 pm October, 20 ButterSauce said...

NOTTA. The awesomeness of Knight Rider is a lifetime pass. Come in Kitt, I need a beer and a burger.

2:23 pm October, 20 I douche, therefore I am said...

I owe many happy hours of my youth to the Hoff, so I call NOTTA.
Plus, he single-handedly reunited East and West Germany by singing ‘I been looking for freedom’ on the Berlin Wall…

2:26 pm October, 20 Blinded by the Shite said...

Being someone who carries around, on his person, a stack of pre-signed portfolio photographs, the Hoff is well and truly a ‘bag.
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Has anyone else ever seen Bail Out?

2:30 pm October, 20 anonymouse said...

Notta.

2:31 pm October, 20 Blinded by the Shite said...

Nah, just me then.

2:41 pm October, 20 Douche Springsteen said...

I give The Hoff a nottadouche pass. I agree with Medusa, a buffoon, yes, a douche, no. His chest baring may be mildly disturbing, but at least its not done by unbuttoning a shirt and accented with a string of rosary beads and grease. Soldier on and age gracefully.

3:35 pm October, 20 swigg said...

my ultimate Old-douch comparameter puts him up against such bags as stalone and the karl lagerfeld or any bond villan. So given the unequivocal evidance that the forementioned are obviously douches. The hoff is not a douch. PS the dude got rosted and didn’t cry or flex his muscles while flashing fake gang signs.

6:03 pm October, 20 Steve L. said...

Hoff is autobag. i’m sorry.

6:08 pm October, 20 Dex said...

The Hoff is a strange breed. He was borderline proto-bag, but seemed to realize his status more and more as he got older, and went along with the joke. It’s a very strange blend of sentience and satire.
I would give him a notta, simply because he realizes what a douchebag he really is and hams it up for the funnies. Not saying he’s talented, by any means.

8:02 pm October, 20 Guid is Good said...

NOTTA. The only reason he is holding on to those two girls is for support to get him back to the bar.

Secretly we would all like to be the Hoff if only we didn’t have to pick up the bar tab and get into work the next day. He’s big in Austria too.

10:40 pm October, 20 Battlescrote Galactica said...

DON’T HASSLE THE HOFF!!!… The man recognizes his own cheesyness and plays off on it… A true douche has no clue. Besides, how could the 80’s have been the same without him???… Goofy yes, douche, no….

10:42 pm October, 20 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I think he’s a world-class douchebag. Come on, folks, he and the BLEETH herself were on the same Baywatch crew.

Consider the SOURCE of all hotchick’ descent into Bleethdom and his taint ain’t far from there.

11:24 pm October, 20 jk said...

Don’t mess with The Hoff. He’s an older brother of Chuck Norris.
Notta!

12:42 am October, 21 tall guy said...

Before I vote notta, can someone please assure me the two barely-barely legals are somehow related to him or daughters of a friend or something like that. I mean, maybe I am just getting too old for all this, but they both look practically pre-pube. Contingent that nothing hankly-panky went on well, you have my thoughts.

4:48 am October, 21 Anonymous said...

Douche. No pass for this douche master.

6:52 am October, 21 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Nottaouche? What are you people smoking? I thought this was the official video for HCwDB!!

8:18 am October, 21 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

bag em Dan-O

8:39 am October, 21 Mr. Biggs said...

I’m going with nottabag. Just because he’s so campy that if he’s pulling the hotts it’s purely for said camp value.

7:14 pm October, 21 El Bastardo Magnifico said...

He’s a heaving gint if there ever was one.

7:38 pm October, 21 Douches Wild said...

Definitely age inappropriate behavior from a pasty tool. Enter him in the Scrotal Pinata Olympics.

6:34 am October, 22 Menschenjaeger said...

Nottadouche. He rises above all attempts to categorize. He’s a damn-near Uebermensch. Beyond Good and Douchal.

9:30 am October, 22 Obichoad said...

Eats burgers no hands from the floor. Hmmmm gotta say he’s in his own catagory of douche but in a good way. Like a positive douche.

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